to get the phone charger or to not help

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

recycle number 3~ this would be 3 big break ups. does not include the countless couple of day ones over 4 years. I have finally come to the conclusion that this is no way to live and no contact is what is best for me. He has texted and emailed me a few times. texts- first one i responded with ok. second one i ignored. then blocked his number. so he then emailed me. He found my phone charger and has put it in a baggie in his mail box for me to pick up. i decided its a cheap phone charger so im not going to bother. two days later I get an email saying he could drop it off, he doesn't mind. ignore this one too. yesterday i get an email back to saying the charger is still in the mailbox and i could get it whenever i had time and he hopes we can talk again and he misses me and my kids. with a :,( at the end. I respond with ok.

i horrifically spent the day wondering if he would email me back. one word and i am back to the obsessing. I realize this is very common and im not gonna lie. it was nice to hear that he did miss me do to the fact the last recycle he moved on and never gave me a thought until that started falling apart. i have been so proud of myself keeping it together this time and being strong. all to be undermined by a 15 dollar charger.

so do i wait until he is at work and just go get the damn thing? is that me engaging? or will it take that reason to contact me away just for him to find another?

[honeysuckle]

recycle number 3~ this would be 3 big break ups. does not include the countless couple of day ones over 4 years. I have finally come to the conclusion that this is no way to live and no contact is what is best for me. He has texted and emailed me a few times. texts- first one i responded with ok. second one i ignored. then blocked his number. so he then emailed me. He found my phone charger and has put it in a baggie in his mail box for me to pick up. i decided its a cheap phone charger so im not going to bother. two days later I get an email saying he could drop it off, he doesn't mind. ignore this one too. yesterday i get an email back to saying the charger is still in the mailbox and i could get it whenever i had time and he hopes we can talk again and he misses me and my kids. with a :,( at the end. I respond with ok.

i horrifically spent the day wondering if he would email me back. one word and i am back to the obsessing. I realize this is very common and im not gonna lie. it was nice to hear that he did miss me do to the fact the last recycle he moved on and never gave me a thought until that started falling apart. i have been so proud of myself keeping it together this time and being strong. all to be undermined by a 15 dollar charger.

so do i wait until he is at work and just go get the damn thing? is that me engaging? or will it take that reason to contact me away just for him to find another?

[BorisAcusio]

recycle number 3~ this would be 3 big break ups. does not include the countless couple of day ones over 4 years. I have finally come to the conclusion that this is no way to live and no contact is what is best for me. He has texted and emailed me a few times. texts- first one i responded with ok. second one i ignored. then blocked his number. so he then emailed me. He found my phone charger and has put it in a baggie in his mail box for me to pick up. i decided its a cheap phone charger so im not going to bother. two days later I get an email saying he could drop it off, he doesn't mind. ignore this one too. yesterday i get an email back to saying the charger is still in the mailbox and i could get it whenever i had time and he hopes we can talk again and he misses me and my kids. with a :,( at the end. I respond with ok.

i horrifically spent the day wondering if he would email me back. one word and i am back to the obsessing. I realize this is very common and im not gonna lie. it was nice to hear that he did miss me do to the fact the last recycle he moved on and never gave me a thought until that started falling apart. i have been so proud of myself keeping it together this time and being strong. all to be undermined by a 15 dollar charger.

so do i wait until he is at work and just go get the damn thing? is that me engaging? or will it take that reason to contact me away just for him to find another?

Yes, you're actively looking for an excuse to meet him. Who cares about damn a telephone charger? You could have already bougt another one.

[Lion Fire]

The charger is an excuse to get temporary supply from you it seems.

I have gone cold turkey for 13 days since a random call from my BPDexgf looking for a spiritual passage threw me way off balance. It's tough, I won't lie, but I am on the mend slowly but surely.

Look after you now

Blessin's

[Madison66]

Hi honeysuckle,

I'm 6 months out of a 3 year r/s with uBPD/NPD ex gf and just came back to the board yesterday after about six weeks (had a couple things trigger me this week and know that this is a healthy place to be).  So, I haven't read your past posts re your r/s and b/u's. Have you officially told him you are done with the r/s and that you want n/c moving forward?  If you are really "done", then IMHO you need to communicate this and spell out n/c for him and for the beginning of your own healing/detachment/closure.  Once the communication has happened, you can setup an exchange of "goods" either in person or by drop-off.  Spell it out clearly in your communication and then reinforce the b/u and n/c.  I tell you this because I lived it and I was not perfect.  Give yourself many breaks and also the peace to move forward!    

[seeking balance]

so do i wait until he is at work and just go get the damn thing? is that me engaging? or will it take that reason to contact me away just for him to find another?

Do you want the charger - if so go get it when he is at work and email, got it and then block him

If you don't want the charger - tell him to toss it in the trash and then block his email.

If you want NC, you can get it.

If you are still needing supplies of him, that is ok too - just realize you will likely get more and more frustrated with both you and him as it continues.

No right or wrong answer and this really has nothing to do with a phone charger (pretty sure you already know this   )

Peace,

SB

[GaGrl]

Buy a new phone charger.

[honeysuckle]

thank you for the replies.

We did break things off officially. It was mutual. I explained and requested that he respect my need for no contact. He said ok and he understood.  That was 2 weeks ago. I absolutely dont care about the charger. i was more looking for a way to make it stop being a reason to contact me about it. if i should just remove it from the equation. I would do it at a time he was not available to see me. I have accepted that i will falter. I proved that by responding. I put myself through more pain. This is not easy and I accept that. I struggle everyday

[refusetosuccumb]

We all struggle day to day.  I so get it. 

I tell myself I struggled through STAYING with my uBPDexdh, I can handle struggling to stay away.  Because ultimately, I win my peace back.  I love my quiet, peaceful existence.  My kids are doing well.  I owe it to all of us to get over this.