Recovery is a slippery slope…

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Just having a hard time, as I'd allowed myself to be recycled again, and have 2 weeks NC under my belt today, after having been stood up for mother's day, for having asked him who a new woman was on his FB page. Even though he betrayed me, and lied, and won't do anything professionally to work on healing, or even open himself up to make me feel more secure, by at least responding to he says "such abusive questions"     ME- "Would you just let me know how you know these 6 new women, so I don't have to feel scared?". That set him into a rage, I got punished Mother's day weekend for trying to "Control him".   Thing is we spent a lot of time on the water the 2 yrs we were together, and I know he's doing his thang, heavy hearted or not. He uses his boat as supply, to get supply…and Memorial Day weekend was the start of summer, but for me, I know, it's the start of his top poaching season. FTR, he's tried in lame, passive aggressive ways, to get me to break my NC and respond to him, never by apologizing, or doing anything constructive for himself or what could benefit us, but by being a victim. Last text he sent said "sad", one word. I told him a dozen things, he, we could be doing to work on the relationship, yet, in every recycle attempt he comes back having done nothing, just waiting for me to weaken. I feel like a sick sheep at the rear of the pack right before he grabs me each time…andy each time, I find myself in the same place, just a little older, and that much more disappointed in myself… Thanks for listening. SMH

[ShakinMyHead]

Just having a hard time, as I'd allowed myself to be recycled again, and have 2 weeks NC under my belt today, after having been stood up for mother's day, for having asked him who a new woman was on his FB page. Even though he betrayed me, and lied, and won't do anything professionally to work on healing, or even open himself up to make me feel more secure, by at least responding to he says "such abusive questions"     ME- "Would you just let me know how you know these 6 new women, so I don't have to feel scared?". That set him into a rage, I got punished Mother's day weekend for trying to "Control him".   Thing is we spent a lot of time on the water the 2 yrs we were together, and I know he's doing his thang, heavy hearted or not. He uses his boat as supply, to get supply…and Memorial Day weekend was the start of summer, but for me, I know, it's the start of his top poaching season. FTR, he's tried in lame, passive aggressive ways, to get me to break my NC and respond to him, never by apologizing, or doing anything constructive for himself or what could benefit us, but by being a victim. Last text he sent said "sad", one word. I told him a dozen things, he, we could be doing to work on the relationship, yet, in every recycle attempt he comes back having done nothing, just waiting for me to weaken. I feel like a sick sheep at the rear of the pack right before he grabs me each time…andy each time, I find myself in the same place, just a little older, and that much more disappointed in myself… Thanks for listening. SMH

[arjay]

Greetings.  

The longer I held on and the more I conceded to her abuse, the more I made excuses, the more I felt responsible and accountable for anything and everything in the relationship, the less she respected me too.  My mind was so jumbled and I became so enmeshed and co-dependant that I couldn't let go, even though all this was going on.  Each day I thought it might change or it might get better or maybe I would be better to her, or maybe if I said it with conviction this time, she would "see the light".

My "T" finally was open with me; that she had a personality disorder and I needed to see what the relationship had done to me.

In the absence of serious counseling by both parties (often including separation), the insanity simply continues.  In the process we become dysfunctional too.  Nobody is worth that.

Peace to you

[heartandwhole]

Hi SMH,

The detachment process is hard, and I'm glad you reached out.  So many of us have been there.  I know recycling is painful, but I hope you will be gentle with yourself.  It's no crime to fall back into old patterns.  Change doesn't happen overnight.  

Writing about it is a good thing, it helps you see things more objectively, and helps us support you and learn about ourselves, too.

Your description of the sick sheep waiting to be grabbed is a powerful image.  Maybe exploring those feelings of (fear, anxiety?) here would help.

We're here for you.