hi kshawn2014,
To him, he feels as though he is relatively all better. To me, just because the severe name-calling and physical attacks have stopped, I do not feel we are 'all better.' Yes, there are improvements and no, I am not minimizing them, but this is only the tip of the iceberg. The thinking is pretty much the same. Yet, the insecurity is even worse, as I must remain within a foot or less of him at all times.
in these close relationships it is hard to maintain boundaries. But boundaries are what enable emotional regulation and stop abuse. So being clean here is critical. This is not saying you are widely off the mark in what you do, just saying a constant focus on my stuff - your stuff is quite important.
The purpose of this long-winded post concerns medication. Now that he is feeling better, he came to me and asked me if he should cut his dosage (without doctor approval) in half. I EMPHATICALLY voiced my opinion NO! He promised he would not do it, but within a week, he started acting unusual. He was moody and appeared more needy than normal. Then, three days ago, he exploded on me, saying hurtful and cruel things, telling me he wanted a divorce, etc, etc... . I was crying and hurt and devastated. An hour or so later, he took me aside and he did not want to fight (like he used to) and we talked. He laughingly confided in me that he had, in fact, cut his dosage, but despite that, this was my issue and I was the one who instigated the fight.
As important or maybe more so than your opinion would be
- stressing that this is between him and his T
- his T needs to be informed
- you believe you deserve also to be informed
PwBPD are rejection sensitive. It is much harder for him to share what he is doing if you take a strong stance on medication (which also may be toeing the line). In the end medication is just one building block - other building blocks are truthful communication and stressing that part (and leading the way yourself) is as important.
Should I call HIS counselor/doctor? As you all know, he certainly hasn't volunteered that information. Is that codependent? Out of line? Overstepping my bounds?
What good can come from that? In the end he needs to take medication voluntarily.
What about using SET to express
- his feeling of insecurity, shame etc.
- the fact that he tried something and it did not work. Which is not a bad thing - it is something he tried and learned. Patients try things out - that is normal. Sharing what he has learned with his T is important.
and leave it to him.
He has since promised to go back on them, but at this point, can I trust it is happening?
Trust needs to be earned. Some trust was lost and it will build up over time again. Won't come back faster by reaching out to his T or pressuring him.
It may be better to work on your boundaries as boundaries are key to dealing with people to whom we extend limited trust.
