she contacted me after 3 weeks NC

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

3 weeks NC broken this morning. She contacted me last night via email (which I can't block).

My mobile phone contract is in her name but the debits are drawn from my account. We can only transfer the contract to my name this month. her message was short and curt.

"hi, when is the mobile contract transferable? we need to sort this out, warm regards"

I was thrown off balance at first but regained composure quickly. I slept on a response and sent her a short email this morning to tell her that I would make contact with the service provider and let her know. I immediately got a courteous reply saying that's fine and she hopes I'm having a good time. I don't see this as me breaking NC as it is an issue that has to be sorted.

The situation is like this... . in order to transfer the contract to my name, it seems we have to do this together in person with the service provider. That would mean i would have to travel 600 miles to London. I am not prepared to do this. I am also leaving to work in Europe mid June until October. If this cannot be done remotely( which seems to be the case), I will tell her that I will only be able to sort it out later this year and there will be sufficient funds in my account to cover the debits. She will have to live with this for now in other words.

This is reasonable as far as I'm concerned. However, her track record of being volatile, blackmailing, dangerous with money matters and generally controlling mean that this could easily blow up again. She likes to have full control of situations and she knows she doesn't have that with me which makes her spiteful, vindictive and cruel.

This unsettles me and makes me fearful of her possibly retaliating in a disproportionate way.


I have decided that I will stand straight with this matter and not bend myself out of shape to try and avoid her wrath. I am resolute but also fearful. In the past, she has repeatedly threatened to smear my name publicly and with my network of friends and family. During our relationship, i shared some personal things with her and she has held me to ransom with these in order to get her way several times.

This is a challenge for me as I do have great fears around her capacity to destroy.

Whenever I think of her or have any interaction I am filled with anxiety and this is something I want to get out of my life.

[Lion Fire]

3 weeks NC broken this morning. She contacted me last night via email (which I can't block).

My mobile phone contract is in her name but the debits are drawn from my account. We can only transfer the contract to my name this month. her message was short and curt.

"hi, when is the mobile contract transferable? we need to sort this out, warm regards"

I was thrown off balance at first but regained composure quickly. I slept on a response and sent her a short email this morning to tell her that I would make contact with the service provider and let her know. I immediately got a courteous reply saying that's fine and she hopes I'm having a good time. I don't see this as me breaking NC as it is an issue that has to be sorted.

The situation is like this... . in order to transfer the contract to my name, it seems we have to do this together in person with the service provider. That would mean i would have to travel 600 miles to London. I am not prepared to do this. I am also leaving to work in Europe mid June until October. If this cannot be done remotely( which seems to be the case), I will tell her that I will only be able to sort it out later this year and there will be sufficient funds in my account to cover the debits. She will have to live with this for now in other words.

This is reasonable as far as I'm concerned. However, her track record of being volatile, blackmailing, dangerous with money matters and generally controlling mean that this could easily blow up again. She likes to have full control of situations and she knows she doesn't have that with me which makes her spiteful, vindictive and cruel.

This unsettles me and makes me fearful of her possibly retaliating in a disproportionate way.


I have decided that I will stand straight with this matter and not bend myself out of shape to try and avoid her wrath. I am resolute but also fearful. In the past, she has repeatedly threatened to smear my name publicly and with my network of friends and family. During our relationship, i shared some personal things with her and she has held me to ransom with these in order to get her way several times.

This is a challenge for me as I do have great fears around her capacity to destroy.

Whenever I think of her or have any interaction I am filled with anxiety and this is something I want to get out of my life.

[Infared]

If she will not cooperate "reasonably" certainly you could transfer your number, or get a new one. In the US, if you stop payment with your card, the contract holder would be obligated to pay their obligation regardless. i.e., if you are no longer using the service you do not have to pay. Give her all the control she wants, and the payment. :-) There is a way out. If you must, contact a lawyer and just take care of your business. You do not need her blessing, because from what you are saying , their will be none of that anyway... .

[arjay]

Why not open a new account with a new phone number?  I did and although it took some time to contact old friends and so on with my new number, I don't get calls anymore from the 'ex' because she doesn't have the new number and never will.

It was worth the trouble of a new cell-number.

Peace

[Infared]

Why not open a new account with a new phone number?  I did and although it took some time to contact old friends and so on with my new number, I don't get calls anymore from the 'ex' because she doesn't have the new number and never will.

It was worth the trouble of a new cell-number.

Peace

+1000... . I had a lot of trouble pullin on those Big-Boy-Pants (making the decision to change my number), and when I did it hurt because a whole lot of me (the sick part) wanted to stay in that sick loop... . but I was starting to steer my ship toward my recovery once I made that decision and took the action.

[Lion Fire]

... . she is blocked on my iphone and whatsapp. she can't call me ... . that is not the issue tbh.

I am trying to get the contract transferred to my name. She will have to be there with me to transfer it according to the service provider and I won't travel to London to do this. I am trying to be decent and not stoop to her levels by honouring the contract she took out for me as a favour if you know what I mean? yes, I could renege and walk away and leave her with an additional contract but that just isn't right by my standards.

The only snag is that we have to have some contact while this transfer is taking place and that makes me feel uncomfortable.

The other option is to walk away and just keep paying the account and using the phone without transferring it. That I know will incense her as she won't be getting things all her way.

All will be well :-)

[arjay]

She will have to be there with me to transfer it according to the service provider and I won't travel to London to do this. 

Ok you have her blocked, but is it really worth all this to change it over as opposed to simply getting a new plan?

Why stress yourself; you having to travel to London or she to you.  Is it really worth it?  Or is there still a piece of you inside that wants to see her again?  We all went through this you know 

Peace

[Lion Fire]

I committed to pay for a 24 month contract that she took out for me (when we were in the exquisite honeymoon zone of course  )

The other option is to get a new number on my own but I do feel obliged to pay for the the contract she took out for me as a matter of principle. If I bailed, I would be leaving her with the obligation to pay and that would just not be fair. Sure, She would probably do that to me but that doesn't make it right.

it's not such a big deal. I'm just hassled because she is in my orbit again and I worked so hard to get out and away from her.

[Infared]

I committed to pay for a 24 month contract that she took out for me (when we were in the exquisite honeymoon zone of course  )

The other option is to get a new number on my own but I do feel obliged to pay for the the contract she took out for me as a matter of principle. If I bailed, I would be leaving her with the obligation to pay and that would just not be fair. Sure, She would probably do that to me but that doesn't make it right.

it's not such a big deal. I'm just hassled because she is in my orbit again and I worked so hard to get out and away from her.

OK... . I misunderstood somewhat... . ?... ok... yeah... . you can be honorable... . the only thing I had to hold onto is that I did not act like my ex.  Sometimes you feel REALLY stupid about that... . but in the end it is a good reason to love yourself.

I wish you luck working it out with the least amount of pain for you, LF.

[BorisAcusio]

I committed to pay for a 24 month contract that she took out for me (when we were in the exquisite honeymoon zone of course   )

The other option is to get a new number on my own but I do feel obliged to pay for the the contract she took out for me as a matter of principle. If I bailed, I would be leaving her with the obligation to pay and that would just not be fair. Sure, She would probably do that to me but that doesn't make it right.

it's not such a big deal. I'm just hassled because she is in my orbit again and I worked so hard to get out and away from her.

Maybe she could sign you a power of attorney so you can act on her behalf and transfer the contract without actually meeting her.