Splitting . Interesting definition

[Arminius]

I read this, by Starstruck, over on L5, and thought the quote was excellent.

I've taken the liberty of copying it to here, as it assume many in my position ( recovery from BPD ex's hatred) might find it helpful, and also might NOT happen across it on the other board.

' Splitting is an example of Dissociation, or "Feelings Create Facts" - where for a person with a personality disorder, their feelings take priority over what the facts actually tell them.

If they experience a mood swing and suddenly feel good or bad about a particular person or situation, they can modify their opinions, memories or attitudes to be consistent those feelings, regardless of any apparent contradictions.

The bit in bold is new to me. I thought splitting was general thing about them thinking you're all good or all bad. The way this is put certainly gives me more understanding anyhow.'

I hope I haven't breached a forum rule by lifting that and putting it here, but it helped me and I want to help others.

[heartandwhole]

Hi Arminius,

Thanks for sharing about splitting.  We have a great thread about it here, if you haven't seen it :BPD BEHAVIORS: Splitting

What has been the most helpful for you in learning about splitting?

[Arminius]

Most helpful to me is the fact that it was almost inevitable, and that NOTHING I could have done would have prevented it.

Initially I was accepting a lot of her propaganda about what a terrible, controlling, dominating man I was, and how I had caused her to not talk to family or friends ( just like one of her exes had apparently done... . ) but this site helped me to see is was part of her play, part of who SHE is, and nothing to do with me.

I did make mistakes. Who hasn't? But those mistakes would not have caused a nonBPD to react the way she did.

Her ability to recall every perceived hurt as if it was yesterday was legendary.

Her ability to perceive hurt, express hurt, let be unable to tell me HOW I  had hurt her, well that was just crazy and I should have seen a huge RED FLAG but I didn't. I was in love.

An example: driving home from a meal with friends, she said that I had humiliated her. Shocked, I asked what I had done, and I assured her it must have been unintentional. She was totally unable to tell me what I had done that had caused her to feel so hurt and humiliated... . this was ON THE DRIVE HOME directly after the meal!

[Split black]

Most helpful to me is the fact that it was almost inevitable, and that NOTHING I could have done would have prevented it.

Initially I was accepting a lot of her propaganda about what a terrible, controlling, dominating man I was, and how I had caused her to not talk to family or friends ( just like one of her exes had apparently done... . ) but this site helped me to see is was part of her play, part of who SHE is, and nothing to do with me.

I did make mistakes. Who hasn't? But those mistakes would not have caused a nonBPD to react the way she did.

Her ability to recall every perceived hurt as if it was yesterday was legendary.

Her ability to perceive hurt, express hurt, let be unable to tell me HOW I  had hurt her, well that was just crazy and I should have seen a huge RED FLAG but I didn't. I was in love.

An example: driving home from a meal with friends, she said that I had humiliated her. Shocked, I asked what I had done, and I assured her it must have been unintentional. She was totally unable to tell me what I had done that had caused her to feel so hurt and humiliated... . this was ON THE DRIVE HOME directly after the meal!

I could go on and on and on about how she just does this... . this tactic ... . its like getting sucked into a black well of bull___. And then... . they prance away like a little butterfly brain, and run home to be with someone else or others and gives the conversation they just had with you zero weight. Totally out of their pee brains the nano second they stop texting or hang up. While WE sit and dwell and wonder what we could have said differently to just make them stop or to convince them we are not toxic evil demons from hell that are manipulating, lying and cheating on them... .   ... . what did mine say to me last week... . oh yeah  " you just live to lie "  How do you respond to this? To these accusation which are pure projection... .   you say NO you are... . But then you are like in a school yard being 7 years old again.