Better Berated Than Ignored?

[Hopeless777]

Here is what I actually wrote to my therapist and delivered at my last session:

"I feel better being berated than ignored. When she ignores me I feel like I no longer exist. Her hate is better than her indifference. I think this attitude is not healthy for me and when I think about it I get anxious and depressed. I feel like doom is right around the corner and I'm scared."

First I get dozens of phone calls and hundreds of texts... . then nothing for days. The communications start out that I'm the devil   and end with a pleas for reconciliation  and when that doesn't work I'm the devil   again. Now they're sickening sweet just talking financial matters and telling me to give her more money  . She wants me to "date her" and then rejects me when I ask her out!

I can actually "feel" things happening behind the scenes, even though we're 45 miles apart now. The "spiritual bond" is so strong that we all "know" what is happening but are helpless to do anything. God we need help.

[heartandwhole]

Hopeless777,

That push pull behavior is really tough, especially being ignored after being pulled so fiercely, I'm sorry you are going through that.   It's no wonder so many of us don't know if we are coming or going some days. 

I think this attitude is not healthy for me and when I think about it I get anxious and depressed. I feel like doom is right around the corner and I'm scared.

This seems quite significant, and being aware of it is a great step forward.  Do these feelings remind you of anything in your past, Hopeless? 

Feeling what whatever comes up and being gentle and comforting toward yourself will help a lot.  That allows the feelings to do their thing, and then they can pass.

I know what you mean about that invisible bond, but perhaps as you give it less and less attention, it will eventually wither from lack of nourishment.

We're here for you. 

heartandwhole