Another crummy day

[Jb101]

... . I just want to have all the days like this over. I used to be strong, things would happen and I'd walk on like nothing happened.

Boss was shocking at work, has some family issues and took it out badly on all of us who work for him. Just starting to get better with dating. Been out with a girl several times over the last few weeks, as I'm leaving work txts me saying she doesn't feel in the right headspace yet to be in a relationship. Appreciate her honesty and she's lovely. More the depressing effect on me that is so hard. By the time I got home I was miserable, on some irrational level missing the ex and wishing she could be there for me (even though throughout the relationship she could care less about anything that happened to me and told me to toughen up and learn to be a man etc whenever anything happened to me, including the death of a relative). And here I am wondering how the heck I can be so weak and easily affected now. I thought I was getting better, but the damage is obviously deeper than I want to admit to myself, I'm far more fragile than I can believe. Just gutted at my state of affairs atm.

[Red Sky]

You're not weak. Everyone has bad days but they are part of working through it and moving on.

And you ARE moving on and getting through it. You know you're better off without her, you sound well detached - that's a big step. You have dated again. It's great to get to that point whether it works out or not.

You're getting there... . All you have to do is keep going 

[Lucky Jim]

Hey JB, Agree w/RedSky.  Leaving a BPD r/s forces us to work on our own issues, which is a positive.  At the end of the day, I predict you will actually be stronger than you were before.  None of us would ever have gotten in a r/s with a pwBPD unless we had our own issues relating to low self-esteem, codependency, etc., so it's a learning process that forces us to grow.  Growth is painful, of course, but leads to a healthier place.  LuckyJim

[seeking balance]

I thought I was getting better, but the damage is obviously deeper than I want to admit to myself, I'm far more fragile than I can believe. Just gutted at my state of affairs atm.

The fact you can admit this means you are stronger than you realize.  The greatest strength is the ability to be vulnerable when necessary... . it is necessary for you now.

Dating is hard and takes thick skin.  I joke that I wouldn't have wanted to go out with me a couple years ago - I had a wall even though I was open & honest... . now when I go out with someone and I see that wall, I feel like I should write my own apology letters.

Job stress - being the target, again, that is hard stuff.

If I could really have anyone understand that this stuff you feel is amplified right now because you are healing - it is like having a 2nd degree sunburn and going outside in the sun for 30 minutes - it is super uncomfortable and even hurts.  Once that sunburn is healed, you can be in the sun for 30 minutes and you don't hurt, heck it might even make you feel better about yourself.

Learning to deal with disappointments in a healthy way is hard we we are raw - it is ok to be raw and vulnerable... . healing takes the time it takes and if there were any way to short cut the process, I would tell you. 

It does get better - sharing - this is a good step in helping it get better.

Can you identify the feelings you had with your boss and the date - was it the same core feeling?

Peace,

SB