Things moving fast now

[Waddams]

Just got notice from my L.  She's deposing my uPDxw tomorrow for my custody mod case about the school issues.  I think she just got it set up today.

Also checked my county's court website.  There's now a temp. hearing scheduled for July 2nd.  uPDxw has not yet filed her Financial Affidavit (not surprising as she never filed one at all in the last case, and she fought tooth and nail to not have to file one in the original divorce - nevermind the law says you have to and the judge can't finalize a divorce without it... . and we had to file a motion to compel to get her to do one at all after she was 6 months late).  L said originally that the court didn't like to schedule hearings without the financials being filed first, but she'd put a bug in the judge's ear to go ahead.  I also had said I'd accept just impuning minimum wage in lieu of an affidavit in order to speed things up and because i don't think it will make a big difference in the the child support calcs one way or another as I don't expect her income to be much more than minimum wage anyway.

So, we'll do the deposition, opposing council has not filed a notice to depose me, just issued discovery questions i've already sent answers back to my lawyer for.

On one hand, I'm confident in my position.  The hearing scheduled without all the filings in as normal I think is a good sign too.  At the same time, I'm now getting anxious.  I hate going through all this.  Wish I could be spending this money on a summer vacation instead of on L's.  Blarg.

Regarding the deposition - uPDxw is claiming she makes less than $10k per year.  No backup to document it.  I suspect she uses her tree business to mask income and also uses her business accounts to pay a lot of expenses as she stores materials at her house sometimes, drives her own car for business, etc.  Any suggestions on questions to ask regarding finances to drag out the full picture?  Any wisdom based on prior experience?

[catnap]

Son's ex claimed she made only $800 a month, but it cost her $600 in gas to get to her job.  Yeah, right.  If she is claiming only 10k, then ask what her monthly living expenses are: rent, utilities, gas, and groceries. 

[GaGrl]

You'll need her income tax refunds for a few years to begin to see what's going on. She is probably using a Schedule C and deducting as much as possible as business expense.

[Matt]

You and your lawyer need to stay up all night to prepare.  Preparation for depositions is crucial.  Don't wing it.

Here's how my lawyer planned it:

She had me name all the key issues - areas where the truth was important.  For example:

  * The night she attacked me and accused me of assault

  * Her medical and mental health history and records

  * Her history with her older son - my stepson

  * Her acquisition and use of drugs

  * What she had told the kids about me and the divorce

Etc.

For each topic, one page (or more) of questions.  Only a few questions per page, with space between them.

Each question, my lawyer followed up with smaller questions, asking for details.  We had simple signals so I could tell my lawyer when she lied:  I held my pen in my hand, and when she lied, I laid it down on the table right by my lawyer's notepad, then picked it up again.

As an example, under "Events of 12/16/06" were questions like:

  * Did Mr. Matt push you down the stairs?  (She avoided a clear answer, so the question was repeated, til she said "Yes".)

  * When he pushed you down the stairs, then where were you?  "At the bottom of the stairs."

  * Is there a landing halfway down the stairs?  "Yes."  Were you at the bottom of the stairs or were you on the landing?  "At the bottom of the stairs."  So he pushed you from the top of the stairs, and you fell to the landing, and then you continued to fall to the bottom of the stairs - is that right?  "Yes."  When he pushed you, what direction - north, south, east, or west - did you fall down the stairs.  "West."  Then from the landing, what direction did you fall?  "East."  So you fell in one direction, and then in another direction?  "Um... . ".

Your lawyer needs to understand each issue well enough to follow up depending on what the other party says.  She needs to be prepared to ask for lots of details, so a single lie becomes a whole series of lies.  Fewer follow-ups when the other party tells the truth,  more when she lies, so the lies pile up and up.  (My wife made more than 40 false statements in four hours.)

Also, sometimes it helps to ask just one question about a topic, then leave it alone and come back to it much later, and ask a a different question to see if her answers conflict - the two questions linked.  "What would you do if someone hurt or threatened one of your kids?" - "I would call the police right away."  Then later, "Has Mr. Waddams ever hurt or threatened one of the kids?"  "Yes, he did such-and-such."  ":)id you call the police when that happened?"  "Um, no... . "  Putting a bunch of other questions in-between lets her forget her first answer and see the second question standing alone;  more likely she will give conflicting answers.

It may also help to build in a few breaks - your lawyer can say she needs to use the restroom - so you and she can talk and adjust your plan based on things your wife says.

The biggest thing is to get statements on record - either audio or a court reporter - which you can prove are false.  If your wife is lying about a certain topic, your lawyer should know what evidence you have or can get, so she can ask for more specifics in that area, which will be proven false by that specific evidence.

Then, after depositions, you'll have some time before the trial (or settlement) in which you can gather that evidence, and either prepare to put her under oath at trial, and prove she lied when she was deposed, or... . another way to get the same results - show the evidence to her attorney, and tell her, "If we go to trial, we will put your client on the stand, and prove she lied under oath.  So you better settle, and here are our terms... . "

[livednlearned]

Not sure if it's the same where you live, but in mine -- I had to pay about $600 for the transcript. It was mandatory. And then I had to go through and make sure the transcription was correct.

There were about six instances of errors that I caught, all toward the end (reporting fatigue?) and one of them was significant.

Take your time to double check the transcript because that's the official record that gets entered. If your deposition ends up being used in a hearing, you can't say "Oh wait. I didn't actually say it like that." The words on the page are the ones that the court goes by.

Hope the deposition went well, and that your lawyer was prepared.

[sanemom]

Did you get her business accounts in discovery?

It may be easier to just do the minimum wage arrangement like you said--it will cost way more to force her to give that information up than you will benefit, it sounds like. 

[Waddams]

So the depo. went well.  For me at least.  uPDxw has not submitted any financial data.  Just a claim of poverty.  L questioned her about her finances.  Lots of smoke and mirrors.  No 1099's, no formal contracts, nothing.  It's done specifically to be unclear about income.  We'll get bank/financial records, etc. if needed.  I told L to just impune minimum wage at full time because I don't think it would be too different.

uPDxw also has a 4 year marketing degree from a Top 50 rated business university.  She's purposely underemployed.  It's not gonna look good to a judge.

L pretty much covered all the areas we needed.  I'd given her all kinds of info. and prior write ups about what I thought the issues were.  There were things I thought off and did in notes during questioning, we got done, conferred privately and ended up not bringing anything else up.  L wanted to keep it all quiet or wanted to not go there based on a different legal strategy she was thinking.  I said okay, whatever you think is the best way to go about this.

uPDxw had to leave at one point in tears, was visually shaking, etc.  I guess reality setting in is stressful.

L thinks we're going to slaughter her at the temporary hearing.  There's a motion hearing for uPDxw's motion for attorney fees based on her poverty scheduled in a few weeks.  L thinks that will not be approved, and that she can also get a rule nisi she filed onto the calendar for that date for temp. custody hearing combined into the same hearing.  She thought it was already done, actually, so she's got to go back and check.  She had also helped the judge get elected in the past, so she's claiming she can grease the skids with the judge to make it happen.  She's been right with every other such claim, so I'll believe it based on track record until it doesn't follow through.

And to top it all off, my company obtained a $million plus dollar new contract today because of a business relationship I've cultivated over the last few years.  So it's been a good day.  Feeling good right now.

[Matt]

Wow - congratulations!

What outcome would you consider good at the temporary hearing?

[ForeverDad]

Is it impune or impute?  As for her not providing financials, that just makes her look worse.  Come on, who can't locate their financial records with months of advance notice?  Even if she can't find them herself, she could request the tax preparer or even the IRS to send their data.  I bet she's hiding more income than you think you'll find.  Whether she squandered it or not, the paperwork is so simple to provide.

[Matt]

"Impute."

[Waddams]

What outcome would you consider good at the temporary hearing?

I'm hoping for what we call "Primary Physical Custody" in my jurisdiction.  It's basically full custody, other parent still has rights and visitation, etc., but I'd have majority time, decision making authority, etc.  It would also end my child support order and uPDxw would be ordered to pay me child support.

However, at the moment, anything result that ends up with S9 back in school will work too.

Is it impune or impute?

"Impute."

Learn something new every day I guess. 

[Matt]

So how will you and your attorney act, to get primary physical custody?

Are there established criteria, so you can show evidence - quickly, since it won't be a trial but only a short hearing - that you fit those criteria very well?

Will you show evidence that being with their mother adds risk for the child?

And how will you argue and support the school issue?

(I'm not assuming that your lawyer will be well-prepared.  My first lawyer believed in winging it at hearings and claimed that was "normal" for family law attorneys, and I'm afraid he's kind of correct about that.)

[Waddams]

So how will you and your attorney act, to get primary physical custody?

Are there established criteria, so you can show evidence - quickly, since it won't be a trial but only a short hearing - that you fit those criteria very well?

Will you show evidence that being with their mother adds risk for the child?

And how will you argue and support the school issue?

The L will present uPDxw sworn testimony from the deposition.  Then shoot big holes in uPDxw deposed testimony, both using just plain logical reasoning as well as documentation I've already got that contradicts uPDxw's claims.  We'll put it all together to show that S9 is being educationally neglected, uPDxw refuses to acknowledge a problem much less address it, show she's not able to actually follow the current court orders anyway due to lifestyle/employment changes, those changes also prevent her from effectively homeschooling S9, and the best interest of the child is to be properly educated in the care of his father because only his father has the actual ability and stable lifestyle/employment to allow S9's educational issues to be addressed. 

I've also already had S9 professionally tested by a neutral 3rd party to gage academic progress.  The rest results were not good at all.  I've also got psyche reports from private and school counselors (Ph.D levels) that back up my claims about S9's educational needs. 

uPDxw is literally incapable of even following the basic court ordered parenting schedule due to her classes and chosen work schedule now. 

Basically, my L has to make sure the allotted time for the hearing is enough to hit all the high points.  She's already told me she'll need about 2 hours for what she's intending. 

I'm keeping my fingers crossed all the hearings get scheduled properly and what not.  Making all this happen right depends on not just the arguments and testimony, but also my L being able to make sure the court procedural things are all set up right beforehand.  She's friends with the judge and helped get him elected so I figure that can only help the cause.  Lots of moving parts in this and hopefully it all comes together right.  If it doesn't, the temp. hearing will happen at some point.  It's only a matter of time.  I just need to be patient.

[Matt]

Sounds like you and your lawyer have a solid plan, and know what you are up against.

Fingers crossed!

[Waddams]

I'll be honest.  I've been planning for this and setting up the case.  I've always tried to be as supportive as I could of homeschooling and not sabotage it, but I've been documenting and have checked with my L a few times along the way to make sure I was documenting to help make the case as strong as I could just in case I needed to file if the homeschooling thing really went of the rails.  Call it a 6th sense/gut instinct, but I knew uPDxw homeschooling would turn into a bad situation, that she'd be too stubborn to change, and I'd have to file.  She has educational decision making and I really couldn't stop it.  I had to wait for things to turn bad and document it.  As we've all seen, courts aren't proactive about preventing bad things.  They can only react after the fact.  It sucks.

Well over a year of planning and positioning is coming to a head now.  But S9 is very smart.  Hopefully, it will all come off as planned, and I can get S9 back in school, and get him some extra tutoring to get him caught up.