Contact again

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Last contact was before i deleted my email address. I tried to get some answers from her about her behaviour, which obviously ended in a fight. I ended the email conversation telling her i would delete my email address and never write again. Her response to that was: "Please, promise you do it and don't forget it!".

Since then she showed up at my door (two weeks ago) and left a note and flowers.

A few weeks ago i removed her phone number from the "blocked contacts" in my phone. I didn't want to have her number there and be tempted one day to write her in a weak moment... .and since she knew i had her blocked, i thought she wouldn't write or call to my number anymore... .guess i was wrong... .

This weekend on friday evening i get a text, just a smiley: ":-("

I didn't answer.

Then later saturday night a missed call.

This was hard... .she keeps writing and calling to my number, even tho she thinks it's blocked and i don't see it... .i felt so bad for her, is that wrong?  :'(

Then yesterday night another text:

"I know you don't read me, but i hope you are ok, i'm worried, i miss u so ... .tq "k."

I don't know if it was a mistake, but i replied. I thanked her for the flowers and the note. I then wrote her that i ask her to please not contact me anymore since it hurts me and i'm trying to heal. That i miss her too (i do, is it wrong to say that? Personally it helps me to know she has a hard time too), but that i also don't trust in us anymore, that i think we will never change, and again, to please not contact me anymore.

She replies again:

"I LOVE YOU! I ___ing hate myself so much! I want to hold you, sorry... .and i don't want to find someone else... .u still in my heart and in my head every ___ing day... .".

Followed by another one: "this one is the last one... .but... .could i go to sleep there?"

I told her no, that it would just hurt more, and to please let it go... .and one more time, a goodbye.

She sent a last one: "Someday i hope u will realize i never never wanted to hurt you, i respect you but i want to let u know i am still here, don't think i forget you if i don't write you please".

After that i didn't reply anymore. She stopped writing too... .

I don't want more contact with her. I know it would be one week until she hates me again. Thinking if i should block her again... .i know she won't give up. I guess i don't have a question regarding this. I just needed to let it out... .  :'( :'(

[jibber]

Last contact was before i deleted my email address. I tried to get some answers from her about her behaviour, which obviously ended in a fight. I ended the email conversation telling her i would delete my email address and never write again. Her response to that was: "Please, promise you do it and don't forget it!".

Since then she showed up at my door (two weeks ago) and left a note and flowers.

A few weeks ago i removed her phone number from the "blocked contacts" in my phone. I didn't want to have her number there and be tempted one day to write her in a weak moment... .and since she knew i had her blocked, i thought she wouldn't write or call to my number anymore... .guess i was wrong... .

This weekend on friday evening i get a text, just a smiley: ":-("

I didn't answer.

Then later saturday night a missed call.

This was hard... .she keeps writing and calling to my number, even tho she thinks it's blocked and i don't see it... .i felt so bad for her, is that wrong?  :'(

Then yesterday night another text:

"I know you don't read me, but i hope you are ok, i'm worried, i miss u so ... .tq "k."

I don't know if it was a mistake, but i replied. I thanked her for the flowers and the note. I then wrote her that i ask her to please not contact me anymore since it hurts me and i'm trying to heal. That i miss her too (i do, is it wrong to say that? Personally it helps me to know she has a hard time too), but that i also don't trust in us anymore, that i think we will never change, and again, to please not contact me anymore.

She replies again:

"I LOVE YOU! I ___ing hate myself so much! I want to hold you, sorry... .and i don't want to find someone else... .u still in my heart and in my head every ___ing day... .".

Followed by another one: "this one is the last one... .but... .could i go to sleep there?"

I told her no, that it would just hurt more, and to please let it go... .and one more time, a goodbye.

She sent a last one: "Someday i hope u will realize i never never wanted to hurt you, i respect you but i want to let u know i am still here, don't think i forget you if i don't write you please".

After that i didn't reply anymore. She stopped writing too... .

I don't want more contact with her. I know it would be one week until she hates me again. Thinking if i should block her again... .i know she won't give up. I guess i don't have a question regarding this. I just needed to let it out... .  :'( :'(

[trappedinlove]

This is so confusing.  It's really hard to wrap our minds around this.

If you love me so much why on earth are acting the way you do?

[jibber]

This is so confusing.  It's really hard to wrap our minds around this.

If you love me so much why on earth are acting the way you do?

Pretty much this, yes.

And her question at the end... .if she could come to my place to sleep there... .after all what was said, after telling me to please remember it this time, that i would never contact her again... .

It's all forgotten again! 

I'm wondering if this is a test for me... .We say to detach from a relationship like this is like loosing a heroin addiction. Her coming back again like this all the time... .it's like someone is putting the heroin right in front of the addict... ."Here, take another hit, anytime you want, the heroin is here and ready for you... .". 

I can do this... .stay strong! Ahhrgh!

[Alex86]

She replies again:

"I LOVE YOU! I ___ing hate myself so much! I want to hold you, sorry... .and i don't want to find someone else... .u still in my heart and in my head every ___ing day... .".

I couldn't resist on that! Really good work. 

Followed by another one: "this one is the last one... .but... .could i go to sleep there?"

This also happened to me. But I allowed her... .for a last one... .:'(

Afterwards I was devastated.

[christoff522]

The best way to view these messages, is to view them all as lies. Essentially thats what they are. Given the opportunity she would simply leave you again when things got too serious.

She doesn't love you, she simply felt a bit lonely, maybe her new supply is insufficient for her. Right now shes texting someone else, thats why she's quiet and not messaging you. She's not crying herself to sleep over you, or hoping your okay. A text is no effort. If I wanted to I could text you and say the exact same stuff - theres no real emotion there. Its no effort, its tap tap tap on the phone, then put the phone down and do something else.

Dropping off flowers, again, its fake... its no effort. Its not concerted effort to ring you, and ask you how you've been hurt, how she can change so she hurts you no more, seeking therapy, dealing with the hard questions of life - maintaining no contact until she's better - not sleeping around - not texting other guys. Not taking drugs, drinking, etc etc.

[jibber]

Just wanted to share... .

This contact ended in a text message "war" where i asked her about our issues and how they will change (they won't). I asked her what she wants to do about the things in ehich i stopped to trust her... .Her empty promises for half a year to go to therapy... .I asked again about the pregnancy papers from the doctor that i never got to see (she came back at one point saying she was pregnant, then there was nothing to see when i took her to a doctor), etc... .

Of course this ended again in her telling me what a terrible person i am, blabla, you all know how it goes... .

Then again no contact, until yesterday another text message: "I'm still so ___ing worried about you!".

I replied: "Stop to worry about me and find someone else. Goodbye."

Just wanted to share. I'm not giving in to her attempts, taking care of myself now.

[christoff522]

Just wanted to share... .

This contact ended in a text message "war" where i asked her about our issues and how they will change (they won't). I asked her what she wants to do about the things in ehich i stopped to trust her... .Her empty promises for half a year to go to therapy... .I asked again about the pregnancy papers from the doctor that i never got to see (she came back at one point saying she was pregnant, then there was nothing to see when i took her to a doctor), etc... .

Of course this ended again in her telling me what a terrible person i am, blabla, you all know how it goes... .

Then again no contact, until yesterday another text message: "I'm still so ___ing worried about you!".

I replied: "Stop to worry about me and find someone else. Goodbye."

Just wanted to share. I'm not giving in to her attempts, taking care of myself now.

Thats just gaslighting "I'm so f***ing worried about you!". Its also quite agressive, and controlling. Well done on standing up to her.

[jibber]

And again she is writing... .

A text yesterday night along the lines of: "I miss you, you know i need to hold you more than ever now, blabla".

I replied again with the same message like last time, to please forget me, i don't want anymore, and goodbye.

So in the morning she sent another message starting with: "Ok, i will delete your number... .".

I didn't read the rest of it and deleted the message.

Somehow i feel she won't delete the number and this wasn't the last time. It gets easier tho, i feel like i finally have a little strenght to not let her get to me anymore and say no to her. Guess i'll report back here now with every time she tries... .Sharing it here helps in some way too.

Peace to all and have a good day.

[jibber]

So i couldn't keep my mouth shut... . 

The biggest issue for me in finding closure is still the pregnancy, and that i still have no idea if it was a lie.

The last time when i let myself engage with her in an argument, i asked her again to see proof about the pregnancy. I asked her for months for a paper from the doctor she claims she went to. In this last argument she went to call me all kind of bad things, but agreed to send me this paper. Of course i have not seen this paper since... .who am i kidding? There is no such paper... .   

But since she keeps trying to contact me and starts again along the lines of: "I just want to hold you... ... ", i couldn't keep my mouth closed... .

I asked her again 5 minutes ago: "So did you forget about the paper that you promised to send?"

Her reply: "How could you not trust me again in this??? I will not send it as it puts me in too much shame that you think i lie to you in this and i don't deserve it that you think of me like this... ... blabla".

To which i replied: "Ok, so it was a lie. Thank you. Goodbye!"

Now i'm flooded with texts along the lines of: "___ you and your family and ___ your loneliness and ___... ... blabla." She always shows her ugly face so quickly, thank god... .

I guess this is as good as it gets regarding getting closure in this matter.

Thanks for reading... .Ahhrghhh... .   

[christoff522]

So i couldn't keep my mouth shut... . 

The biggest issue for me in finding closure is still the pregnancy, and that i still have no idea if it was a lie.

The last time when i let myself engage with her in an argument, i asked her again to see proof about the pregnancy. I asked her for months for a paper from the doctor she claims she went to. In this last argument she went to call me all kind of bad things, but agreed to send me this paper. Of course i have not seen this paper since... .who am i kidding? There is no such paper... .   

But since she keeps trying to contact me and starts again along the lines of: "I just want to hold you... ... ", i couldn't keep my mouth closed... .

I asked her again 5 minutes ago: "So did you forget about the paper that you promised to send?"

Her reply: "How could you not trust me again in this??? I will not send it as it puts me in too much shame that you think i lie to you in this and i don't deserve it that you think of me like this... ... blabla".

To which i replied: "Ok, so it was a lie. Thank you. Goodbye!"

Now i'm flooded with texts along the lines of: "___ you and your family and ___ your loneliness and ___... ... blabla." She always shows her ugly face so quickly, thank god... .

I guess this is as good as it gets regarding getting closure in this matter.

Thanks for reading... .Ahhrghhh... .   

Yeah shes just trying to get rid of her feelings of emptiness. As soon as you fall for it she will begin to spiral and very quickly she will leave you. Sorry to say that. Its about control, feeling alive, security Just ignore her and once she finds someone else you'll be sorted.

[crookedeuphoria]

So i couldn't keep my mouth shut... . 

There comes a point in these r/s where WE have to stop. We are not the ones with the disorder so it is up to us to stop the cycle. She's not going to stop. She's going to keep playing as long as she has someone to play with. You are not going to get closure from her but you can find it within yourself. Stay strong jibber.

[jibber]

So i couldn't keep my mouth shut... . 

There comes a point in these r/s where WE have to stop. We are not the ones with the disorder so it is up to us to stop the cycle. She's not going to stop. She's going to keep playing as long as she has someone to play with. You are not going to get closure from her but you can find it within yourself. Stay strong jibber.

Yes, this is a good mindset to keep reminding myself of every day, very true, thank you!

And thank you Christoff for always reading and your supporting comments!