Using me,

[dillan6241]

Hello bpdfamily,

I wondered if any of you have been in this situation, where before I met my exBPDgf she was very low functioning. She was so clingy, had up and down moods, couldn't do any or her coursework, and hadn't even had a job. After 3.5 years of being together, my 'rescuer' type personality did everything it could to help this seemingly helpless victim who had been kicked out of her dad's house, then her mom's house, and then a friend's house.

I let her move in, and I helped her get a job. She didn't have license and didn't know how to drive, so I taught her to drive, helped her get her license. In the meantime, I would spend 2hrs out of my day and nearly 120 miles driving her back and forth to work near her mom's house and myself getting to work as well since she couldn't drive yet. Eventually I helped her get a job closer to where we lived, helped her get and financed a car in my name since she had no credit, and we got her license.

She was finally independent, but we were still living together ... . then she left the job I helped her get because of some argument. She SWORE she'd never go back, but I pushed and argued with her to get that job back, which she did begrudgingly. Fast forward a year later, she abandons me and says "I never loved you," that she doesn't "know who she is," and that I was "tying her down" because I wanted a family and was providing for her and didn't want her to be so impulsive.

It makes me upset and sets me back when I hear from her, but its kind of hard when your sister is dating your exBPDgf's brother ... . but I hear she is excelling at the job I forced her to go back and get, that she is getting a management position, and that she's so happy with everything, that she left me because she never would have gotten the position, would've been stuck with a family and 'tied down' and she blames me for it not happening sooner!

I was so confused by how she is thinking like this, how she's so happy with something that I did sacrificed so much of myself to help her get, and I ASKED FOR NOTHING back, absolutely nothing. I invested so much time, money, effort, and emotion into the r/s, and she can't acknowledge anything. Her mother mentioned it to me as well, and said she was just "using me" and had no where else to go, didn't truly love me and only said what I wanted to hear because she thought that was what I want. The things she said, did ... . and the no closure, just off and running, "never looking back," I don't understand... .

[dillan6241]

So... . it also she seemed to turn from very low functioning, to very high functioning. How is this? Has she adopted whatever she learned from me, some of my personality, and turned them into something of her own? I've been NC 3 months now, but can BPD's just ... . I don't know suppress their symptoms better, I know she was diagnosed with 9/10 of the symptoms by a professional, but now she seems so... . different?

[Forestaken]

Better be rid of her.  It's only a matter of time - she's find a reason to quit.

[catnap]

When bad things happen--it is your fault, when good things happen it is because of her and she cannot give anyone but herself credit. 

[dillan6241]

I did notice that, even some good things that I would help her with, should would claim it as all her. One thing is maybe its pride, but when she did do something on her own and was successful in something, she would tell every person to the ends of the earth of her success in whatever she did, including posting social media. She would generate as much attention to herself on her new success and tell everyone she was "oh so HAPPY!"

Personally, maybe its because I'm a bit more of an introvert, I generally keep my successes to myself, my family, and only a very few select key friends. Never really posted anything on social media in terms of new job in D.C., getting my Masters etc. Not to gloat ... . I'm just saying its never been my personality to need to draw attention to my successes.