Everyones reality is different or is it

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

I apologize in advance if what I am about to post offends... .  but its truly the way I feel at this point in time. I found this on another site and felt like sharing it because I think this sentiment holds true for many.

"And one other thing must be incorporated into your understanding of the BPD. They are in total control of what they are doing.  There is no organic factor or deficit in self control that causes what they do. Their acts are willful and premeditated. They comprehend the difference between right and wrong, appropriate and inappropriate, truth and lies, reality and fantasy.

They frequently hold jobs and involve themselves in social situations where their destructive behaviors would quickly work against them. They often perform admirably and demonstrate a respectable capacity for self control and appropriate behavior. Any notion that they cannot help their actions, which you will most frequently hear from BPD’s or the unscrupulous clinicians who profit from their condition by helping them rationalize their behavior, is completely fraudulent.

They know what they are doing and often enjoy it.

Do they suffer tremendously from internal chaos and unstable emotions? Certainly. So do the depressed, and alcoholics and those with anxiety disorders and other maladies. We just don’t offer any of them as pass on hurting themselves and others. Nor should we."

[Split black]

I apologize in advance if what I am about to post offends... .  but its truly the way I feel at this point in time. I found this on another site and felt like sharing it because I think this sentiment holds true for many.

"And one other thing must be incorporated into your understanding of the BPD. They are in total control of what they are doing.  There is no organic factor or deficit in self control that causes what they do. Their acts are willful and premeditated. They comprehend the difference between right and wrong, appropriate and inappropriate, truth and lies, reality and fantasy.

They frequently hold jobs and involve themselves in social situations where their destructive behaviors would quickly work against them. They often perform admirably and demonstrate a respectable capacity for self control and appropriate behavior. Any notion that they cannot help their actions, which you will most frequently hear from BPD’s or the unscrupulous clinicians who profit from their condition by helping them rationalize their behavior, is completely fraudulent.

They know what they are doing and often enjoy it.

Do they suffer tremendously from internal chaos and unstable emotions? Certainly. So do the depressed, and alcoholics and those with anxiety disorders and other maladies. We just don’t offer any of them as pass on hurting themselves and others. Nor should we."

[Blimblam]

This sounds like it comes from one of the "NPD/psychopath" based websites.

I think a sociopath is completely aware.  I think a Borderline is fragmented and lives in basically multiple realities and all of them are true. I think the Borderline will cycle through the conflicting realities feeling all of them intensely and settle on the one(s) that "protects" them from feeling the shame that goes along with the pattern they are stuck in. I think these conflicting realities create mas confusion within the borderline.  Although there is a level of awareness to what it is they are doing and they at times take a sadistic pleasure in the harm they are causing.

A borderline ex of mine from a decade prior I asked her about the lying and she said it was to "protect me"  She alluded to that she still lies.  She is in idealization phase with  her new guy right now.  She wants to fit in and be accepted I think she can only feel comfortable hiding the part of herself she hates thinking other people would hate her too.  So from that point she is already lying so whats one more lie here or there?  Eventually I think when the lies hurt the person she cares about she will disassociate and project and take a sadistic pleasure in destroying her own projection.

[Octoberfest]

The article posted, to me, makes pwBPD out to have it all figured out/the grand plan in mind.  I don't believe that to be the case with my BPDex.

Much has been said about pwBPD having the emotional maturity of a child... . I think this manifests itself in their primal and basic drives.  It is well established that pwBPD experience a large degree of internal strife/self loathing/shame. 

Well, when you feel bad, what do you do?  You do whatever is going to make you feel better.  If I am hungry, I get food.  If I am sick, I make myself throw up.  If I need money, I get a job. Etc.  pwBPD are no different, except I believe they have much less control over these mechanisms.  Perhaps it is more correct to say that spend MUCH more time in the non-satiated state, where they need to do something to make themselves better... . and that the "fixes" are not as effective or as long lasting as they are for "healthy" people. 

What I am getting at here is that pwBPD do whatever they feel they need to do IN THE MOMENT to feel better, to relieve that internal strife/shame.  Hell, I did that recently when I was up at 5:30 am, having not gone to bed, feeling lonely and hurt, and tried to break NC with my BPDex for the first time in 11 months.  I had a need, and that seemed like the thing that would make me feel better, even though in the grand scheme had my message gone through it would have been a DISASTER and caused me a lot more pain.  I think the exact same thing happens with pwBPD.  Their "action" to make them feel better in the moment could be cheating, lying, doing drugs, raging, or any other behavior that we see as hurtful or problematic.  My BPDex has an intense fear of being abandoned, so in order to combat that fear or bad feeling she tends to date multiple people at once (leading each to believe they are the only one in the picture).  She cheats because it makes her feel more secure having "backups" in case things go south with someone.  Of course, if she didn't cheat, people wouldn't leave her, and that whole cycle could be avoided, but I don't think my BPDex operates on a high enough level to see that, and if she does see it she doesn't have it in her to try and break the cycle. 

[AG]

I know exactly where you got that article from. I even remember the title of it. I agree with it 85% or maybe a bit more. My perception of BPD and I strongly believe my perception is correct is that alot of they're behavior if not all of it is literally an addiction. Similar to alcoholism. Is an alcoholic conscious that they are putting that bottle up to they're lips? Hell yeah they are. Is it easy for them to stop putting that bottle up to they're lips? Hell no. It is the same with BPD. All this emotional maturity level of a 5 year old is non sense. We all have the ability to act childish even as adults. There is an inner child in all of us. Like this article says if you use your brain and logic and think for a second you can understand that they have interacted at work accordingly and done a crapload of other social type activities which would give them plenty of indication of what is acceptable behavior to the masses and what is not. Also they themselves would not like even one of the horrific things that they do done to them. It is not schizophrenia. Big ass difference. They do know right from wrong. They create they're own Karma. I can't speak for all but I have had this discussion on this very site with others that share my experience of them enjoying other peoples pain.

With that said if an alcoholic were to run someone over with a car while they were drunk and the person died or was seriously injured. There is a serious obligation for that alcoholic to do the work and get the help they need to not do that crap to someone else again. Most(Not All) BPD's do not do that. They recklessly run people over with the car over and over again. Not only do they run people over with the car but they actually drive away to avoid any responsibility. Then they repeat the process over and over again from person to person. Of course a drunk person is not in they're right state of mind aka dysregulated but what about when they are stable and literally can see the damage they have left behind. They do not get help to not do it again or even try they just simply do it again and sometimes laugh about the damage that they just caused.

I've played they pity party big time. Had much hope and belief and that ish kept me stuck and making excuses for abuse and crappy behavior. I have literally caught instances of my BPD ex being fully aware. I'll give one example as a matter of fact. I read the book stop walking on egg shells. There are tactics in there to stop circular arguments or baiting as they call it dead in its tracks. When I applied the validate and shielding verbal techniques my BPD ex paused on the phone. It was literally like she was saying in her mind oh sh** he learned how to stop this. She then screamed at the top of her lungs and said "You make me feel crazy". She was aware all that time of the skill of baiting and did not know what the hell to do once she could not bait me into another guilt trip. Needless to say that particular conversation was cut very short . She knew she was manipulating. I'll give you one more example. Towards the end when she literally ran away like a coward after I came helping her once more believing her sob stories. I realized that anytime she said "friend" without one of her female friends names after it that it was a guy she was screwing. In that convo I was pathetic and in a weakened state but still called her on it. Within the same convo I said to her please buckle down and do the work in her therapy as she will hurt someone else. She said "nah ah I notice with my friend I rage and say sorry and we are ok". After she said "friend" she paused exactly the same as the other example I gave you. She literally uncovered her own lie with this and confirmed what I confronted her on. She of course was mad that she was caught and the convo again was cut short. Again she was aware of her lies and manipulation all along. They are aware of alot more than we think they are. Do they deserve sympathy hell yeah they do but they have therapist for that. They got plenty of sympathy from us hence why we are on this site trying to heal in the first place. 

[Skip]

Gosh, there are so many really good resources out there, I never understand how this type of blog has any credibility with anyone.  Isn't an opening sentence like " have been a longtime admirer of the scant handful of mental health professionals that have chosen to deal in the truth, rather than just peddle whatever is sellable to women in the misandric zeitgeist." a giveaway.  

Split,

Pull the blinders off.  Its going to hurt, but you can grow from this.  Step it up.

Was your girlfriend ever anything but a screaming red flag?

You first date was in a motel... . she was living with another man at the time.  She has alcohol and drug addictions. Her mother is younger than you.  You bankrolled an apartment so she could move out from her current boyfriend.  

Do relationships like this ever work?  

They don't.  You know that - but you went for it - over and over again because she was young and hot.

Is the issue that all pwBPD are hopelessly broken?  Or is the issue that this relationship is really broken she has used and abused you, treated over-the-top bad, with your eyes wide open, and she still has a hold on you. 

I think I'd focus it there.  It really has nothing to do with the women in the misandric zeitgeist. This stuff is alluring as it takes us out of the picture... helps us bury our head safely in the sand.

BPD has a lot of darkness, no doubt.  But just like the alcoholic, its not the beer manufacturers that case the pain.

[Red Sky]

This sounds like it comes from one of the "NPD/psychopath" based websites.

I think a sociopath is completely aware.  I think a Borderline is fragmented and lives in basically multiple realities and all of them are true. I think the Borderline will cycle through the conflicting realities feeling all of them intensely and settle on the one(s) that "protects" them from feeling the shame that goes along with the pattern they are stuck in. I think these conflicting realities create mas confusion within the borderline.  Although there is a level of awareness to what it is they are doing and they at times take a sadistic pleasure in the harm they are causing.

I have always wondered about this. As I was saying earlier, for a lot of our relationship my uNPDexbf was a pretty high-functioning guy but, looking back, had a ton of sociopathic tendencies. But he never once acknowledged that what he was doing was in any way immoral. He always stuck to his truth and took the moral high ground. I genuinely do not believe that he thought it was anything other than the truth. I always thought he had a distorted worldview in which everyone, not just him, lied and twisted the truth to get their own way. If he was aware that his actions and motivations varied from other people's he hid it very well. Which, granted, is in no way impossible. But we had so many circular arguments where he would spend hours and hours literally unable to express what was causing him such anguish, when I was sure I could see the root cause staring me in the face: usually a fear of commitment or failure. (Then again, it was this surety that eventually I could coax it out of him which led me to so many of those arguments... . ) when I dumped him he was astounded as to what he could have done to deserve it.

My dBPDexgf was a very different story. Blimblam and I have compared notes enough that I think we are both kind of on the same page, having had relationships with relatively low-functioning waif types. Her demands on me were love and attention. She had several years of therapy. A few times she considered self-harm and she said 'nope, that is a step back, I won't do it.' So she did in that way learn to control her actions. But she lived in a different plane of existence most of the time, yes. Where everything was her fault, and it somehow made the world revolve around her too. She isn't really capable of functioning normally, and I know that she really, REALLY wants to be able to. At least, she said so and all of her actions support this. And she could function normally for some periods of time, but one trigger would send her back. So, my thought is that her therapy had done some of what AG says and made her take responsibility in the way that an alcoholic must take responsibility. But she wasn't, um, 'cured' enough that she could consciously recognize all her triggers.

So. How much does the awareness of the disorder affect the responsibility you take for it? For me, I think my exgf had recognized that her worldview wasn't the norm and once she recognized that she was able to start taking responsibility. Whilst NPD is indeed a different beast, I do think that my exbf had no awareness that his perception of life was different. If he recognized it would he accept accountability for his behavior? Probably not... . He's NPD after all. :P but it's true, we all have socially unacceptable behaviors which we curb. You don't come into work naked because you feel like it. You don't smoke in a non-smoking area because you're addicted to nicotine.

So, I think that yes, it is possible for someone with a PD to willfully hurt and manipulate. But I think that it is a matter of distorted perception, whether they recognize the distortion and try to counteract it or not. I think that if you are being hurt and manipulated, the action is the same regardless of the root cause, but I know we all want to try and understand what is going on in there.

[Tausk]

Split:  Yes everyone's reality is different.  It sounds like your ex was very different from mine.   Mine engaged in sociopathic behavior such as cultivating her current husband while we lived together.  But I know that my ex was not a sociopath.  She just had very poor executive control over her actions.  Free will was very limited for her.  She was stuck in the survival mode of a traumatized three year-old.

For example, everyone knows sociopaths growing up.  They are the ones who like to poke baby bunnies with sticks and hear them scream.  Or if there is a wounded animal screaming somewhere, the sociopath will tune in and actually try to get them to scream more.  That's because sociopaths don't feel very much, so they go to the extremes to try and induce some feelings into themselves.  

Did your ex like hurting baby or wounded animals?

My ex was on the other extreme.  She felt everything.  She felt such joy in playing and feeding my dog, that he learned to love her more than me.  But sadly. her emotions were so overwhelming that she couldn't do anything but respond to the emotions in a survival mode.  When she was young she was anorexic and a cutter.  No boyfriends or relationships.  She had no one to hurt or project her shame.  No one to punish but herself.  So all she could do to let out the shame and feelings was try and bleed it or starve it out of herself.

Similarly when we were together,  she got scared we would split up.  In fact,  she got so scared at being alone, she literally couldn't help but cultivate other men.  I saw it.  I saw her dissociate and turn into a completely different person.  How could I expect the same person who could cut herself to shreds with a steak knife have the ability to control very many of her actions.

Same when she was in punitive parent mode.  She felt that I was wrong and deserved punishment.   She wanted to punish.  She had to punish.  Even if it was her shame, she had to project that shame and punishment on others to survive.   She no longer bled out her shame, so she projected and punished.  

But it wasn't always like that.  I loved her so much at first, not just because of the idealization, but also because she was innocent and pure in her affection for me.  Just like a three year old girl who's been given ice cream by her uncle.  And I have not doubt for those beginning moments, she thought that I might be able to rescue her from her pain. That I might be able to give her an identity.  

I couldn't and sadly, she became a totally different person over time.  

I'm glad that I found this website and learned about the disorder.  And also learned that I don't excuse the behavior, but depersonalize it because it's not personal to me.  I was just the person she was closest too and the person to project the Disorder.

I'm glad that I can understand how the Disorder played into my FOO issues and why I attracted the Disorder into my life.

Otherwise, I'd have to sit here and wonder why I am such a loser as to become attached and fall in love with a sadistic sociopath who enjoys hurting people.  

But instead, I know that I wanted to shelter my ex from the emotional pain that overwhelmed her.  I wanted to comfort her.  I thought by easing her pain, that I could erase the pain from my childhood, and my mom and sister might not be BPD either.  

I fell into the interaction because of specific reasons.  I had a hard time leaving the FOG for specific reasons.  

But I recover now because I understand the Disorder better, and I understand myself better.  But that is just me and my ex.  Maybe you had a different reality.

[Blimblam]

redsky,

I actually think my waif was a combination of High functioning and low functioning.  I think she just believed the lies she created on some level.  I think a lot of her lies were about creating this fantasy world.  

There were plenty of times she was knowingly lying to my face and took a sadistic pleasure in getting away with it.  I think it gave her a feeling of power and control she doesn't feel she has over herself unless shes projecting it.

I think the conflicting realities are the ideal fantasy world, the gangsta ass hustler, the lost child, and all the different masks.  I think they lie like crazy and are aware of it. But a part of them wants the lie to be true. I think she lies to herself more than anybody.  I also think just about every move she makes is some sort of manipulation and lie on multiple levels and shes on autopilot a lot of it is on a subconscious level I don't even know if she is fully aware of.

I remember early on she was lying to people to get out of tickets and pull all kinds of crap she was really good at it.  It was second nature she was an autopilot.

[Red Sky]

Maybe that's the difference then. My ex was trying and not quite succeeding at living in the real world, as far as I can tell.

The point of whether one can believe one's own lies one *some* but not all levels... . You have a point... . After all, isn't that what we all did when we told ourselves that the continuation of our relationships was a good idea, when now we see whole forests of red flags?

[toomanytears]

redsky,

I actually think my waif was a combination of High functioning and low functioning.  I think she just believed the lies she created on some level.  I think a lot of her lies were about creating this fantasy world.  

There were plenty of times she was knowingly lying to my face and took a sadistic pleasure in getting away with it.

I think the conflicting realities are the ideal fantasy world, the gangsta ass hustler, the lost child, and all the different masks.  I think they lie like crazy and are aware of it. But a part of them wants the lie to be true.

I think my BPDh inhabited a fansatasy world that he created as a protection against a crap awful childhood. He would step in and out of it and was perfectly capable of being a high functioning person - that's where all the confusion lay for me. In, out and round about - I was led a merry, merry dance, until I found out about BPD and started to make sense of the nonsense... .

And RedSky makes a very good point about the lies

After all, isn't that what we all did when we told ourselves that the continuation of our relationships was a good idea, when now we see whole forests of red flags?

I was expert at burying the red flags - and in that way I was lying to myself... .

[Blimblam]

And RedSky makes a very good point about the lies

After all, isn't that what we all did when we told ourselves that the continuation of our relationships was a good idea, when now we see whole forests of red flags?

I was expert at burying the red flags - and in that way I was lying to myself... .

Yeah! so true... . I think that's how they feel inside deep down.  Like the dephths of hell I have been experiencing I think that's how she feels deep down inside. I have seen her with all the layers peeled away just a lost child scared and tormented.  At that level she was capable of feeling remorse and facing her actions.  she felt guilt she felt complete trust she felt love for probably the only time in her life.  She remembers none of it.  Every single aspect of her beyond that lost scared tormented child is the disorder.

I have been in contact with her again through texting and every single thing she texts is manipulation... . all of it.  I think she is manipulating so much that she herself is a puppet as well and she is not fully in control of it a lot of it is going on the subconscious level.

[Blimblam]

One of the major forms as gaslighting and abuse from my ex has her communicating to me in double, triple, quadruple and even quintiple entendres.  In person she would have the smirk because she would trap me with these where any answer I give is devaluing myself and validating her lies in some ways.  She could spin 3 lines of text in 5 different directions.  Multiple realities with a bit of truth in each of them being saved for different occasions. The only truth being what was happening in the now... . which even in that moment was a sort of manipulation of some sort. In this way she allowed me to delude myself. When pressed for an answer she gives the one she thinks I want to hear.

when it comes to this she is an idiot savant on a level I have never encountered with other BPDs.  Her intelligence level is about that of an 8 year old.  It baffles the mind how she pulls it off.  At the same time it is so incredibly callous and cruel delivered in a sweet package.  On a level it is sociopathic,  at other moments I think she believes the lies they form a construct she wants to be real. Somehow their is a fragility to it all though.

To understand it is insanity. I don't think she even fully understands it most of the time and when she does she seems like a sociopath.

[Split black]

Gosh, there are so many really good resources out there, I never understand how this type of blog has any credibility with anyone.  Isn't an opening sentence like " have been a longtime admirer of the scant handful of mental health professionals that have chosen to deal in the truth, rather than just peddle whatever is sellable to women in the misandric zeitgeist." a giveaway.  

Split,

Pull the blinders off.  Its going to hurt, but you can grow from this.  Step it up.

Was your girlfriend ever anything but a screaming red flag?

You first date was in a motel... . she was living with another man at the time.  She has alcohol and drug addictions. Her mother is younger than you.  You bankrolled an apartment so she could move out from her current boyfriend.  

Do relationships like this ever work?  

They don't.  You know that - but you went for it - over and over again because she was young and hot.

Is the issue that all pwBPD are hopelessly broken?  Or is the issue that this relationship is really broken she has used and abused you, treated over-the-top bad, with your eyes wide open, and she still has a hold on you. 

I think I'd focus it there.  It really has nothing to do with the women in the misandric zeitgeist. This stuff is alluring as it takes us out of the picture... helps us bury our head safely in the sand.

BPD has a lot of darkness, no doubt.  But just like the alcoholic, its not the beer manufacturers that case the pain.

Im trying Skip... . Im really trying... .   and thats the hook. She DID have moments, there is a word for them. When shes really lucid and clear... . and the walls come down... .   She would cry in my arms just like a 5 year old. Crying hysterically at how lonely she felt. This was triggered because I could not be there enough for her ( but she had a phone full of backups lets not forget) but regardless, those times when she was like that just broke my heart. That combination of innocence and vulnerability confused the hell out of me... . because at the end of the day I had to question if everything wasn't a manipulation. Maybe it wasn't... . but her fanciful stories, and outrageous lying made every word suspect.

And no... . as much as I might have wanted it to work, I do realize that it was improbable long term. But reading 90 texts within the last two weeks isnt helping me move on. And that bf you mentioned... . thats the one she is back with.

Im a heartbeat away from caving and driving her somewhere... . shes asking and asking... . because shes in various rehab programs ( all manipulations)  and her new former ex bf would flip out.  Anyway... . I am trying to detach totally. I think I might be being recycled. Not happening.

[Split black]

One of the major forms as gaslighting and abuse from my ex has her communicating to me in double, triple, quadruple and even quintiple entendres.  In person she would have the smirk because she would trap me with these where any answer I give is devaluing myself and validating her lies in some ways.  She could spin 3 lines of text in 5 different directions.  Multiple realities with a bit of truth in each of them being saved for different occasions. The only truth being what was happening in the now... . which even in that moment was a sort of manipulation of some sort. In this way she allowed me to delude myself. When pressed for an answer she gives the one she thinks I want to hear.

when it comes to this she is an idiot savant on a level I have never encountered with other BPDs.  Her intelligence level is about that of an 8 year old.  It baffles the mind how she pulls it off.  At the same time it is so incredibly callous and cruel delivered in a sweet package.  On a level it is sociopathic,  at other moments I think she believes the lies they form a construct she wants to be real. Somehow their is a fragility to it all though.

To understand it is insanity. I don't think she even fully understands it most of the time and when she does she seems like a sociopath.

So true of mine. Every word you are saying.

[Red Sky]

Yes, to me it makes sense when you say that the confusion and disorientation you felt as a result of her manipulation made you feel disordered, Blimblam. I kind of want to think of it as the flip side of their distorted view of life... . That that view is imposed on you such that you no longer know what the normal view of the world is? I know this is basically gaslighting, but when I think of my ex-boyfriend, I think of how confusing LIFE seemed, not just my relationship... . Leaving uni was all scary uncertainty and getting a job was terrifying and I somehow knew it was going to be unfulfilling and I would fail, I wouldn't be able to cope living alone etc... . I was literally scared of life. (Actually I have an awesome job and I appear to be good at it; I'm normally super happy and I love life and not knowing where it will lead. What a difference a year makes huh?)

[Blimblam]

Yes, to me it makes sense when you say that the confusion and disorientation you felt as a result of her manipulation made you feel disordered, Blimblam. I kind of want to think of it as the flip side of their distorted view of life... . That that view is imposed on you such that you no longer know what the normal view of the world is? I know this is basically gaslighting, but when I think of my ex-boyfriend, I think of how confusing LIFE seemed, not just my relationship... . Leaving uni was all scary uncertainty and getting a job was terrifying and I somehow knew it was going to be unfulfilling and I would fail, I wouldn't be able to cope living alone etc... . I was literally scared of life. (Actually I have an awesome job and I appear to be good at it; I'm normally super happy and I love life and not knowing where it will lead. What a difference a year makes huh?)

Yes, the DOUBT.  All of a sudden you see boogeymen everywhere.  It undermines your confidence.  I am glad to hear you succeeded through all of it! Redsky.

My mom is BPD and she gaslights and projects but she does it through leading a conversation getting me to reveal weaknesses and then spinning them to use against me. She rages also. It hurts because she is my Mom.  It Is easy to identify as toxic behavior though.

My ex does it through ambiguity.  If I showed the texts to a friend it wouldn't raise a red flag.  for example she texted today, "You mean a lot to me X it's jus time away will heal us and I feel like it's been working." This works on many levels. 

In this single sentence she has done so many things. She acts like she cares about my healing. She alludes to herself focusing on healing. Makes me feel valued.  Justifies "time away" as a form of mutual healing which it is but also creates a boundry for her to work on her "healing", "its been working" is so ambiguous.  What the hell does its been working mean?  and "Us."  The message is so ambiguous but soo many meanings can be derived from it.  Also by looking for any meaning beyond what it says is looking to deeply into it though. This is the type of gas lighting I deal with on a regular basis.  At the same time it can just be taken for its surface meaning.  It puts all the cards in my hands and she's just this sweet little thing.

On the surface its a sweet message.  If read into it can inspire false hope for an "us," and that she is healing to.  The "its working"  all shes been doing is building up an empire of potential replacements for the replacement she has now.  And Not facing any of the pain shes caused in the people she hurt that really cared about her.  All of a sudden her "healing," is me being out of sight and out of mind as if I am the source of the toxic energy?  or am I reading too much into it? LOL "Its working" is sleeping around and partying? is that "healing?"

From her BPD standpoint not seeing me or hearing from me has given her no reason to face the shame of hurting me. she gets to lead me on without feeling guilt of commiting to any kind of statement by being ambiguous.

In short pure manipulation but inspiring me to create the false reality myself.

[Split black]

Yes, to me it makes sense when you say that the confusion and disorientation you felt as a result of her manipulation made you feel disordered, Blimblam. I kind of want to think of it as the flip side of their distorted view of life... . That that view is imposed on you such that you no longer know what the normal view of the world is? I know this is basically gaslighting, but when I think of my ex-boyfriend, I think of how confusing LIFE seemed, not just my relationship... . Leaving uni was all scary uncertainty and getting a job was terrifying and I somehow knew it was going to be unfulfilling and I would fail, I wouldn't be able to cope living alone etc... . I was literally scared of life. (Actually I have an awesome job and I appear to be good at it; I'm normally super happy and I love life and not knowing where it will lead. What a difference a year makes huh?)

In short pure manipulation but inspiring me to create the false reality myself.

Mine is a master at this... . genius actually. Thank god Im smarter then her. ummm... . I hope.