Is this normal?

[going places]

3 years ago, 2 weeks after our 20th wedding anniversary, I busted my exh having an affair.

After 1 week of him being out of the home, he came back (me begging) and we attempted to work it out.

In the following 6 months, I found out about his addiction to porn, lying, and many other horrible things.

1 year after the initial offense, I was unofficially diagnosed with PTSD and depression.

2012 was quite possibly the worst year of my life.

July 2013, I filed for divorce, put the house up for sale.

Sept 2013, I pulled the house off the market, threw the divorce in the trash, and "tried again".

He never tried back. Ever.

April 2014 I filed for divorce, again.

House went on the market June 15th.

I am now, divorced, but he is still living in the home.

He 'cannot leave' because he cannot afford to pay the bills (court ordered) AND pay to live somewhere else. That is why he is still here.

I know he's been seeing someone else... . I have a very good idea where he met her.

He is not 'original' (repeats the same patterns of behavior)

On one hand, I say "who cares, he's paying the bills until the house sells, then I can get the hades outta here".

On the other hand it hurts.

Logically, I know, (1) the thought of him touching me hits my gag reflex, and makes me shiver... . so I do not want to be his 'wife'.

So why does it bother me so much that he can just give up on me and the kids and pick up with some new trick like a 13 year old breaks up with his gf because he found someone else that's interested in him?

Logically, I know, what goes around, comes around. That God sees what he is doing and he will have to answer for that.

So why does it bother me that he can just be sleezy, lie, cheat, manipulate and get away with it?

Why is it one day I am 100% focused and driven, and I get a TON of things done (packing, taking loads to storage, cleaning repairing the home, etc) and on other days I am completely overwhelmed, sad, and cannot move or make decisions.

3 years ago, I was NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING like this.

Before I found out about the affair... . I was full of energy, content, trusting, loving, caring, driven, got things done... . etc.

Now, it's like a roller coaster ride.

It's better today than it was 2 years ago... . but still.

Any ideas?

[Narellan]

I hear you. I'm the same. Same days good( well ok) other days just can't get out of bed or the house. From what I've read it's a normal grief process.like you, some days I'm driven, some days driven to despair. My good days are when I have structure. If I have to go to work that motivates me to get up and organised and sets the mood for the day. If I have a day off, I can't make plans, and 90% of the time I read in bed.

I enjoy the work days more, when I have no choice but to move my body.

For me it's only been a few months, and I mostly feel better as time goes on. But detaching is a process not an event.

I really feel for your situation. Living under the same roof after separating is very difficult. I also had to do that for a few months after my 22 yr marriage broke down.

Peace to you. 

[going places]

This is what frustrates me most:

I was NOT like 'this' 3 years ago.

I never thought the things I think. Never said the things I say. Never acted the way I act.

It's like I am a different me.

I just want to smile... .laugh... .live... .love... .give... .um, be a normal human being! HA HA

This will be SO MUCH BETTER once this house sells, and I am away from him.

I know it will be.

That can't happen soon enough for me.

[Panda39]

This will be SO MUCH BETTER once this house sells, and I am away from him.

I know it will be.

That can't happen soon enough for me.

Yep, I had to live with my ex for almost a year before our house closed. This was shortly after the housing bubble burst.  I told him I wanted a divorce in April, the house went on the market in May, divorce final in August,  we had to "short sale" in September (which takes forever!) and our house closed March the next year.  It is miserable continuing to live with someone you no loner love.  I spent as much time as I could out of the house and busy.  It kept the conflict down because we didn't interact much and kept my mind on other things.

I tell you from experience this too shall pass and you will be so much happier when you don't have to live together.  Hang in there.  I hope you have a fantastic realtor