The way they are

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

It completly blows me away the way she treats me and does not see her part. Trying to talk with her makes me feel like Im running in circles. Its crazy. My mind is so jammed up.

[peiper]

It completly blows me away the way she treats me and does not see her part. Trying to talk with her makes me feel like Im running in circles. Its crazy. My mind is so jammed up.

[x1985x]

We can all relate.

Stop running in circles and start running in a straight line AWAY from her. It's the only way. Without professional help there isn't much hope. There isn't a whole lot more with help. These issues are deep rooted and they are lifelong. They will never make sense to you, because you aren't suffering. Make no mistake, they ARE suffering, usually daily. Can you imagine what that must be like? I can't say that I wouldn't lash out and act irrationally if that was the hand I was dealt. It's a curse and it will affect anyone that is willing to be close to it. I know from experience, save yourself.

[strong9]

It completly blows me away the way she treats me and does not see her part. Trying to talk with her makes me feel like Im running in circles. Its crazy. My mind is so jammed up.

Man I've been there. The best I've ever gotten is to get her to agree her argument makes no sense but to which she then states "but can you see why I would think that way?"  Ummm no. As 1985 says, quit fighting a losing battle. It isn't easy, but it is your best and only bet.

[OutOfEgypt]

Sorry, man.  They can't see it... . or more accurately, they won't.  It sucks.  It hurts.  And it is frustrating that you can't just reason with them.  It becomes difficult to assert yourself with a person who really doesn't see that they did anything wrong.  Many times my ex will say "Oh, sorry" but I can't help but feel it is obligatory.  She has no intention of changing, such as being more thoughtful or respectful, for example.

[x1985x]

I was living with mine for almost seven years. I've never felt the phrase "I'm sorry" mean less. It's like a child that spilled their drink, it's automatic, never calculated.

Yeah, you are sorry alright.

[OutOfEgypt]

It's like a child that spilled their drink, it's automatic

Yeah, exactly.  And if I actually pressed her on it, I know how it would go.  I would get a lecture on how selfish I am for expecting so much from her.  She was, after all, doing something noble and good for someone else (but who gives a #$ about you... . you are no longer the target of my idealization and narcissistic supply, so you are worthless in my eyes).

[trappedinlove]

The pain is unbearable.  You're hurt and the other just can't or won't feel sorry or take any responsibility for the pain they caused.

But we just can't wait on them to validate our pain and to apologize.

We have to face the facts and give closure to ourselves in order to move on.

It sucks but this is the way it is.

Stay strong brother.

[Ihope2]

It is a very painful process of learning and moving on, detaching and letting go. I agree with Trappedinlove, we cannot wait for our pwBPD to validate us or apologise for causing us pain.  In fact, seeking validation from others, without finding it within ourselves first, is a recipe for lifelong pain and distress!

[Blimblam]

It completly blows me away the way she treats me and does not see her part. Trying to talk with her makes me feel like Im running in circles. Its crazy. My mind is so jammed up.

trying to have this conversation with her caused me incredible amounts of pain. I do not recommend it at all.  Keep in mind that they can not self soothe so when and if you do have this conversation if you do no soothe them at the end they will find and reach out to a replacement.  Just by bringing this up they will seek out replacements. These types of conversations cause them to resent you also and split you black.  That has been my experience. 

[going places]

Run.

I spent 25 years... . TWENTY FIVE YEARS running in that circle.

Run.

Run and don't look back... .

[Dutched]

Run.

I spent 25 years... .  TWENTY FIVE YEARS running in that circle.

Run.

Run and don't look back... . 

add 5+ up for me  in an other but similar circle 

Must admit though it is painfully difficult to recover specially when kids are involved