Spilling my guts

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I reconnected with her listened to her lies tried to finesse my way. Got in no serious agruements. She "loves me" makes out and promises to sleep with me. When we get close she breaks contact for day or two. i come back around and guess what the "friend" is still around. Take her out tonight and spend over 50 dollars have her toes done and a movie. While in the movie she acts distant as if I was not even there. The "Friend" is calling her during the movie. I confront her after the movie . Oh I just need to calm my nerves he is not coming over which I tell her I think is going to happen and that I am tired of treating her well and then having to leave and not spend any serious time with her. She feigns anger that I am confronting her and of course I am the one with the problem and it is all in my head. I should just be happy with a date and a slight make out session. Oh this is normal.  I make out with her she says she is going to bed. I stop and get a 6 pack on the way home and she calls me back she loves me and is just checking up on me about 11 to make sure I am OK. I dont believe her and why should I? She is just making sure I am gone so her Friend ,Lover, next victim can come on by. She is indeed two faced and ruthless. I got to know so I drive by and low and behold there is the moped of the "Friend". I call twice no answer. I text that I am done. She texts back Okay. i get home and I just have to post this. "Manipulation and deceit are viewed as common features of BPD by many of those who treat the disorder as well as by the DSM-IV.  Borderlines are ruthless, conniving, mean, heartless, two-faced, manipulative, and worse." Now I am a freak and I need help in a nutshell. I tell her I hope she is happy honestly. I am fine and I will be fine. She tells me to leave her alone and I message back. The most decent thing she ever did for me tell me to leave her alone. She says good and that is all. Honestly I don't hurt so much from the effort, just a little poorer and absolutely numb with all the lies and betrayal. But she is the normal one? She is in therapy but I know she is not even trying to get better but is just scamming the system because that is what she knows and does. It is done. I begin to get some psych help from the VA on Monday. Thanks for listening. No calls No text responses No contact. This is still tough cause I really do love and care for her but I cannot live a lie and know that she will only continue to hurt and abuse me. Hope I can get some feed back besides I told you so. But that would be true. It is just so shady and surreal. The only thing she is right about is I do need help to avoid her type again and develop a true meaningful relationship and overcome my codependancy issues.

[screwedfriend]

I reconnected with her listened to her lies tried to finesse my way. Got in no serious agruements. She "loves me" makes out and promises to sleep with me. When we get close she breaks contact for day or two. i come back around and guess what the "friend" is still around. Take her out tonight and spend over 50 dollars have her toes done and a movie. While in the movie she acts distant as if I was not even there. The "Friend" is calling her during the movie. I confront her after the movie . Oh I just need to calm my nerves he is not coming over which I tell her I think is going to happen and that I am tired of treating her well and then having to leave and not spend any serious time with her. She feigns anger that I am confronting her and of course I am the one with the problem and it is all in my head. I should just be happy with a date and a slight make out session. Oh this is normal.  I make out with her she says she is going to bed. I stop and get a 6 pack on the way home and she calls me back she loves me and is just checking up on me about 11 to make sure I am OK. I dont believe her and why should I? She is just making sure I am gone so her Friend ,Lover, next victim can come on by. She is indeed two faced and ruthless. I got to know so I drive by and low and behold there is the moped of the "Friend". I call twice no answer. I text that I am done. She texts back Okay. i get home and I just have to post this. "Manipulation and deceit are viewed as common features of BPD by many of those who treat the disorder as well as by the DSM-IV.  Borderlines are ruthless, conniving, mean, heartless, two-faced, manipulative, and worse." Now I am a freak and I need help in a nutshell. I tell her I hope she is happy honestly. I am fine and I will be fine. She tells me to leave her alone and I message back. The most decent thing she ever did for me tell me to leave her alone. She says good and that is all. Honestly I don't hurt so much from the effort, just a little poorer and absolutely numb with all the lies and betrayal. But she is the normal one? She is in therapy but I know she is not even trying to get better but is just scamming the system because that is what she knows and does. It is done. I begin to get some psych help from the VA on Monday. Thanks for listening. No calls No text responses No contact. This is still tough cause I really do love and care for her but I cannot live a lie and know that she will only continue to hurt and abuse me. Hope I can get some feed back besides I told you so. But that would be true. It is just so shady and surreal. The only thing she is right about is I do need help to avoid her type again and develop a true meaningful relationship and overcome my codependancy issues.

[Narellan]

Hey there   some parts of your story ring true for me too. It's awful to feel we need to sneak/stalk them to get the truth. In my case I hacked his FB account and found out he was attempting to replace me with my best friend. Truly gutted me. So 4 months NC since then. I'm so glad I did the private detective thing and was able to remove myself from being the victim in this ridiculous triangle. It's truly a devastating disorder for all involved. And we will be much more aware in future relationships. My ex is trying to contact me again but I'm ignoring everything. What is helpful to remember is that we didn't do anything to cause this. We may just have poor boundaries and big hearts. But we won't next time.