Blackmailed I need ADVICE

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hey, SB, I'm really sorry to hear about all you've been going through.  Seems like I've missed out on quite a bit lately.  Sorry to hear about things.

Would you consider taking legal action against her?  It sounds like you could afford it.  It might be the only way to get her to leave you alone.  Slander and libel are actionable.  Just a thought.

Also, I don't mean to rub salt in any wounds, but you are for certain never going back to the well, right?  I think you know that you are only going to draw more misery.  She is clearly toxic and no good can come from having anything further to do with her.   Stay strong and keep her walled off from you.  

Edit:  Also, SB, please get STD tested.  I work in medicine, so I just have to add that.  Be safe.

Yes I did two days ago. And got a shot and antibiotics as a precaution.

NC is the correct solution but she should not be allowed to ruin peoples lives for perceived crimes against her. I laid down once. I know its a no win situation but she should be accountable for her actions. Shes a functioning addict... .her day consists of dumbing down her pain.

Split black,

It's not about her anymore.

It's not about no contact either - you can't do it.

I think its time to realize that you need to go into either IOP or check into a RTC.

You're like an alcoholic who blames the bottle.

You're destroying your life with this.

You know all this - we have chatted here before about this.

Everyone here cares for you.  We're pulling for you.  We'll be here every step of the way.

And it's time to pick up the phone and make some appointments.  Bring in the big guns.

Skip

Skip

I have another number. I was in therapy for a few months. I disagree with you in terms of not being able to maintain NC.

Im leaving the area in a month. Not because of her, but it certainly is a blessing.

The ___ is going to hit the fan in terms of her campaign. The last text I received before I went radio silent this afternoon was from her number but it said... .(Why are you texting xxx still?)  I dont want to know or care to speculate who that was from. The only texts I sent were asking her to be reasonable , and in answer to her threats.

And yes... .I can maintain NC.  I did it before. This time its a lot easier in the face of all thats happened. But I understand your frustration with me. Have a little faith.

I wont destroy anymore of my life then I already have, I wont let her drag me to that level... .and Im kind of OK... . how I feel tomorrow I dont know... .withdrawal? I hope not. Skip... .Im not going to waver.  

[Split black]

Hey, SB, I'm really sorry to hear about all you've been going through.  Seems like I've missed out on quite a bit lately.  Sorry to hear about things.

Would you consider taking legal action against her?  It sounds like you could afford it.  It might be the only way to get her to leave you alone.  Slander and libel are actionable.  Just a thought.

Also, I don't mean to rub salt in any wounds, but you are for certain never going back to the well, right?  I think you know that you are only going to draw more misery.  She is clearly toxic and no good can come from having anything further to do with her.   Stay strong and keep her walled off from you.  

Edit:  Also, SB, please get STD tested.  I work in medicine, so I just have to add that.  Be safe.

Yes I did two days ago. And got a shot and antibiotics as a precaution.

NC is the correct solution but she should not be allowed to ruin peoples lives for perceived crimes against her. I laid down once. I know its a no win situation but she should be accountable for her actions. Shes a functioning addict... .her day consists of dumbing down her pain.

Split black,

It's not about her anymore.

It's not about no contact either - you can't do it.

I think its time to realize that you need to go into either IOP or check into a RTC.

You're like an alcoholic who blames the bottle.

You're destroying your life with this.

You know all this - we have chatted here before about this.

Everyone here cares for you.  We're pulling for you.  We'll be here every step of the way.

And it's time to pick up the phone and make some appointments.  Bring in the big guns.

Skip

Skip

I have another number. I was in therapy for a few months. I disagree with you in terms of not being able to maintain NC.

Im leaving the area in a month. Not because of her, but it certainly is a blessing.

The ___ is going to hit the fan in terms of her campaign. The last text I received before I went radio silent this afternoon was from her number but it said... .(Why are you texting xxx still?)  I dont want to know or care to speculate who that was from. The only texts I sent were asking her to be reasonable , and in answer to her threats.

And yes... .I can maintain NC.  I did it before. This time its a lot easier in the face of all thats happened. But I understand your frustration with me. Have a little faith.

I wont destroy anymore of my life then I already have, I wont let her drag me to that level... .and Im kind of OK... . how I feel tomorrow I dont know... .withdrawal? I hope not. Skip... .Im not going to waver.  

[Split black]

Thank god I can hide behind this screen... .this is so degrading and humiliating. I should have maintained NC from the first time it happened. I hope I can look back at this a year from now and read my posts, and shake my head in disbelief that this happened to me. That I allowed it to happen. I appreciate being able to come here and vent, and talk to others in similar situations...

[willtimeheal]

I think what Im going to do when she calls is to tell her to go ahead and call whomever and do her worst, which she will... .then I will tell her that no matter what Im not giving her any money, and that if it does come back to me that she smeared me I will go to her current boyfriend, and if she doesn't care... .fine. But if she does it might give her pause. Either way, Im not going to give her a penny... .and quite frankly, shes dead to me. This was truly the last straw. Hopeless, brain-dead, self sabotaging borderline addict.  Im kind of feeling ok. Just waiting for the hammer to drop but Im prepared.

I will try to record it but thats going to be difficult using a cell phone, and I dont have a mini recorder... .maybe buy one tomorrow. Black mail is in fact a crime.

If this is the game she is playing why are you playing?  My BPD would threaten me. When I fought back and said if you do this I will do that it just added fuel to the fire.  I learned from this and the last time she threaten to smear me I simply said, "do what you need to do.  I forgive you."  She didn't know how to respond. Every time she threaten me I said that to her and sometimes I added I just ant you to be happy. When I stopped fighting and she knew I didn't 're she lost her power and the threats stopped. 

It was scary because I didn't know what she was going to do. And she would strike back with "wait till they hear all about you."  To that I would respond "do what you have to do. They love me and know I am a good person they will understand. They love me."  This killed her. 

It's best to not engage in a fight. Then she knows she has your power. Bottom line she might smear you... .the people who know you understand and know she is mentally ill. If you don't take a stand and put an end to it she will always have you. 

I also agree with calling an attorney and talking to the police about a restraining order.

[Narellan]

SB I totally understand your fear. I had overwhelming fear that he would post more photos of me and that would have been devastating. I've never posed nude before and he was a respectable professional photographer that I had known since childhood. My gut was telling me not to do it but I ignored the red flags and was persuaded by him. We were not involved at this point and I trusted him. Once in the relationship I realised I shouldn't have trusted him. I love the photos I don't regret having them taken as they are professional and tasteful. But he isn't. And he's freely posted a few on FB which my parents and sister saw ( not to mention hundreds of people I know). My family were disgusted and attacked me and I defended him and myself. I'm on good terms with my family again now after 3 months of NC after an initial feud.

For 3 months no more photos have been posted so I'm breathing a bit easier. I consulted a lawyer in regards to having a legal letter written to him forbidding any more photos being posted. He also posted one on his professional website without my permission.

I decided not to go down the legal road at this point while he's being quiet as I thought it might provoke him. The fear that he may one day on  impulse post another one will always be in the back of my mind. But hey the worst outcome has already happened when my parents saw the photos. The worst is past. He can knock himself out now. It will just damage his reputation as a photographer. If he posts again I will take legal action. He has hundreds of photos ( not all nude) which he refuses to destroy. They are legally his property but he can only look at them not show them or publish them.

Big lesson here for me. Not that I'd do it again its a once in a lifetime thing, but people research your photographer if you're ever thinking if doing this. Big lesson learnt here.

She maybe just making threats SB. And even so, you are strong enough to get through it whatever happens. Peace  

[myself]

Im going to be blasted by her to everyone and anyone that will listen.

If and when it happens, most of it will be seen through by those who know you and know her. Most of the affects would be temporary. Most of this you probably just need to keep walking away from, as much as you possibly can. The more you do, the better your chances. Be real with who you're with.