Help, this is setting me back..

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

I am new to this... .3 days. I was in such a good head realizing that my ex has BPD.  Such a weight was lifted off of me.  I could think about myself and other things again.  I missed that feeling so much! My self esteem was coming back and I actually felt very different about him. Instead of him being so great I saw him as so sick and everything he said and did lost power.

Then I found this website and thought this is great!  Everything i was reading at first was so familiar it validated me.  With that, I joined, posted an intro, and started reading more about people who left.  (we broke up months ago). 

Some new information sprang up that has really upset me and is making me slide backwards.  That most go back to their ex.  I'm not afraid he's coming back to me, honestly I think he is too much of a coward after the way things ended, but now i keep wondering about his ex!  Like everyone says, he bad mouthed her when we first met and not knowing anything about BPD, i just felt relieved he was so over his past.  There was nothing in our breakup that leads me to believe he ever heard from her again or was even thinking of her or anyone else.  It wasn't like that at all.  He just hated me and I was the root of all evil. As a matter of fact, a week prior to our abrupt ending, the only time he push/pulled, he said to me, " maybe this is why I shouldn't be with anyone, so I don't have to deal with anyone's bs." So i never had those feelings.

You know how things can pull on you that don't serve you?  I am my own worst enemy in that way.  So after reading this stuff it is feeding my head and this (did he go back to his ex) was something I never considered.  Can someone talk some sense into me!  This was never our issue!  Now I am making other people's experiences as mine just because this is a common disorder thing.  I want to keep moving forward. I want to remember that this is a serious problem and I am better off... .

[Lilflower]

I am new to this... .3 days. I was in such a good head realizing that my ex has BPD.  Such a weight was lifted off of me.  I could think about myself and other things again.  I missed that feeling so much! My self esteem was coming back and I actually felt very different about him. Instead of him being so great I saw him as so sick and everything he said and did lost power.

Then I found this website and thought this is great!  Everything i was reading at first was so familiar it validated me.  With that, I joined, posted an intro, and started reading more about people who left.  (we broke up months ago). 

Some new information sprang up that has really upset me and is making me slide backwards.  That most go back to their ex.  I'm not afraid he's coming back to me, honestly I think he is too much of a coward after the way things ended, but now i keep wondering about his ex!  Like everyone says, he bad mouthed her when we first met and not knowing anything about BPD, i just felt relieved he was so over his past.  There was nothing in our breakup that leads me to believe he ever heard from her again or was even thinking of her or anyone else.  It wasn't like that at all.  He just hated me and I was the root of all evil. As a matter of fact, a week prior to our abrupt ending, the only time he push/pulled, he said to me, " maybe this is why I shouldn't be with anyone, so I don't have to deal with anyone's bs." So i never had those feelings.

You know how things can pull on you that don't serve you?  I am my own worst enemy in that way.  So after reading this stuff it is feeding my head and this (did he go back to his ex) was something I never considered.  Can someone talk some sense into me!  This was never our issue!  Now I am making other people's experiences as mine just because this is a common disorder thing.  I want to keep moving forward. I want to remember that this is a serious problem and I am better off... .

[BuildingFromScratch]

The chances of a person with BPD having a healthy relationship are about zero. Unless they were very committed to being honest and going through years of therapy. And even then you would have to put up with a lot. Me personally, I don't want needy love again. I learned my lesson, I want to love and complete myself, then get into a relationship. So yes I think you are better off, I think we all are. I just feel sorry for the next victim in line.

[OutOfEgypt]

You are trying to make a new life that is healthy and positive and reaches your potential.  You know you can't do that with him.  You know it.

The chances of a person with BPD having a healthy relationship are about zero

Yes.  I agree.  They haven't been able to before, and they won't in the future -not without help.  The best they can hope for is some kind of dysfunctional, unspoken contract with someone:  "you carry all my #$, and I'll let you and punish you for not doing a good enough job."

These little things are going to keep popping up.  Unfortunately we cannot totally avoid them.  They might knock you down for a moment, but what is important is that you get back up and keep your eye on the goal ahead of you.

Think of it like riding on rails toward the promised land.  Every little bomb they drop is going to tempt you to steer your car off the rails, to the left or to the right.  It is going to tempt your eye to look away from the prize.  And when you do, you run off the rails and crash and find yourself in the desert.  But the closer you get to the promised land, to where you are headed, the more you will realize this and refuse to jump the rails.  This isn't about never having feelings triggered by them ever again.  This is about staying on the rails and following toward the promised land even when those feelings are triggered.

[Lilflower]

Thank you both... I am laughing and crying (good crying) at the same time about the analogy.  I am trying to move forward and away from this. I need to be grateful I dodged a bullet but some things trigger some pretty irrational thinking.  I guess it's my ego because i am concerned he went back to his ex by nothing more than other people's post about their experiences.  I didn't have the push/pull.  It happened once, prior to knowing that's what was happening.  I said don't ever pull that crap again. (Disappearing).  A week later he did it again and i didn't play.  Not because i am any better than anyone who has gone through it but because i was working on myself so much and trying to only involve myself in healthy relationships. I had no idea a person could really disappear.  When that hit me, again still not knowing about BPD, it was a soul crushing experience. Now I put the pieces of his patterns together ( a gift) and i am upset for not having the same ___ty push/pull  pattern he had with his ex! (Again, a gift)! 

I will remember to keep my eyes on the prize... .the promise land.  Thanks