Which way did he go?

[calmboom]

Checking this forum has been a comforting daily routine these past two weeks. I'm still in the dark with where my uBPD BF has gone emotionally.  I'm reading posts and watching the online videos.  The one on Radical Acceptance especially caught my interest.

I decided to face him head on at work (with cookies) but he is working at an alternate location which is unusual.  Seems like he is breaking all former routines.  My mind is thinking of all the people I could check in with for clues.  I squelched these urges by staying busy.  In the end, it is what it is and I will wait it out.  The pangs are still ever present but I will be okay.  It is just so strange to have talked or interacted with someone daily and then... .nothing.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[123Phoebe]

  My heart just sank for you reading this.  I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.  It's not right!  It must feel so strange.  

I'm also glad that he wasn't rewarded with cookies

Can we back up a bit?  I read your first post and something was going on with his son before he freaked out on you? Do you know any of those details?  Not that it's an excuse for how he's shutting you out... . Guess I'm trying to get into his frame of mind.  Bad, I know

Keep posting calmboom, we are here for you

[calmboom]

Hi 123Phoebe and all,

I do know the details of uBPD BF's son's medical emergency.  The son does something that he should not do and every 6 months he does it and it causes a seizure.  He is ok but the medical/ambulance bills continue at pretty regular intervals.  To top it off, BF's xW does not share pertinent information when his son is in the hospital and it irks him.  I suspect she is rather NPD and uses these times to power play. 

I do believe that this event did serve as background to help trigger BF's dysregulation as only the day before he was talking about marriage to me.  And we (and all our children) had just returned from a big vacation a week earlier.   But it still does not help me to understand the big ST and pullback as I have been a reliable constant for him these past 6 years.  I feel discarded and like I do not exist to him and that hurts me.

[DreamFlyer99]

calmboom--

I wish I had something helpful to say. I don't. All I can really say is that what you're going through is a huuuge bummer, and I would feel just awful and thrown away too.

thinking of you... .

[123Phoebe]

I feel discarded and like I do not exist to him and that hurts me.

Whatever is going on with him most likely has little to do with you (in a bad way).  I would imagine there are powerful feelings he's trying to come to grips with.  Overload.

You exist!  So much so that he can't face you right now.

Hang in there

Until he materializes, there's no telling just what is actually going on... .  Has a definite date been set to continue with the house project?

[calmboom]

Hi, Another day. More ST.   

There has been no response to when he will appear to work on the house project.

He offered, I accepted, gave feedback on dates per his request, he said those wouldn't work, I gave more dates, no response since, and that's where it stands today.

The bears in the cave I guess.

[123Phoebe]

Hi, Another day. More ST.   

There has been no response to when he will appear to work on the house project.

He offered, I accepted, gave feedback on dates per his request, he said those wouldn't work, I gave more dates, no response since, and that's where it stands today.

The bears in the cave I guess.

Yea, I guess so

How are you doing with everything else going on in your life?  Finding ways to cope?