taking a poll please comment.

[hurting300]

How long was your BPD ex gone for after they dumped you? And also did they want you back? How long did they block you from talking to them?

[JohnLove]

I left her because of an incident involving my children after a combined family holiday. We were NC 8 weeks (I think it felt like forever to her). We live only a few houses apart. She saw me in the street a couple of times. One time many weeks into NC I was eating an ice cream and just smiled when I saw her and our eyes met (I later found out this tortured her). I really like her but I could no longer accept her behaviour when it escalated toward my daughter. She wrote many heartfelt letters and apologies after a while over that time. One to my daughter. I never responded to any of them although I accepted them. One evening when I'd fallen asleep early with my children I received a (worrying) good bye text to my phone. I searched for her all day the next day and sent texts. No response. Started calling her friends. They were only annoyed she hadn't been in touch for a while. Started calling hospitals. Found her. She had attempted suicide. She later explained she didn't want to "feel anymore" and she couldn't live without me. She has 3 young children of her own.

Your question seems loaded. The disorder has many common components but it is a spectrum disorder. It manifests differently in different people. There is no one size fits all. Unless you are conducting a study your question seems a little redundant. If you are having a problem please post about it more clearly and I am sure someone here can help.  

Now?... .here I am on the staying boards. My bad?.

[hurting300]

It is loaded. Very loaded.

[beachtalks]

When I draw a boundary (I never "leave" my husband), I separate and don't allow full contact, the max is usually 2 days before he contacts me again.  usually, however, it takes about ten minutes to an hour... .

[Perdita]

When he dumps me he expects things to immediately continue as they have been.   It's very confusing and frustrating.  He doesn't want "this relationship", but he nevertheless wants us to continue to have a relationship.    

The times when I've taken a break from him - in recent months it has been my choice to seperate from him for a while - he will text me and send e-mails.  He tries to phone, but I usually go offline with my cell during these times (and tell him that I will be).  The most recent time was earlier this month when I took a week long break from him.  I send him a very short e-mail message to say I need a break and asked him to please respect that.  He didn't hound me, but he was contacting me every day with me either ignoring him or giving very short replies.  Oddly enough, during this time he actually ended some of his text and e-mail messages with "love".  NEVER did that before.  He even shocked me by expressing in some of the messages that I mean a lot to him and he doesn't want me to be unhappy and wants to know why I am cross with him.  I think he has become scared since I have now become the one to pull away.  Go figure.

I do know that with his ex he use to go no contact for a couple of months here and there.  Finally he went no contact for too long (3 months) and she met someone else.  He continued for several months to try and win her back, but she ignored him most of the time and when she didn't it was simply to tell him that she has moved on and is with someone else (her now husband).

So I would say that in his case, he comes back quicker when he is the one that initiated the break up.  When it is the other way around, he keeps trying to fix things.