Fiance's boss triggering memories for me

[isilme]

After many years, BF finally proposed and I'd like to say we are happily planning some sort of wedding, but his work situation is deteriorating, and the more I hear about his boss, the more she makes me think of my BPD mom, manipulative, always claiming ot be a victim, being nice to your face but working against you when you are out of the room.  Complicating matters, she is friends with those at work who would be responsible for stopping her behavior, and there are no jobs in the rural area where we live at the moment.  FI has applied to one in the same university, but his boss may have sabotaged it - she started using terms from his new resume we built just for this job, making me think she and HR are talking more than they should.  FI marked on his application to NOT talk to her. 

The more I hear of her day to day actions, the worse he feels, and the worse it makes me feel, because what he is describing is a grown-up nightmare of how I grew up as a kid, not being able o tell anyone, not being believed if I did, not able to easily leave (we need two incomes, even without a wedding to plan).  Knowing he is going through a sort of abuse, trying to fight it as best as he can without being branded too much trouble to keep on the payroll, is triggering a lot of things in me.  I don't want to lose it, while he needs me to be strong.  I need to not fall apart when he's the one dealing with real-time events.  All the hopelessness I remember feeling as a child and teenager, are coming back.  I'd made some progress, I thought, in accepting being NC pretty much forever with BPD mom and ASD dad.  PLanning a wedding is a bit hard, as you'd want parents there, usually... .but I am having to tell people my parents are not part of my life - some of these people know them and of course don't understand.  Ugh, just needing to vent my spleen a bit so I'm not moping around the house when FI is trying to stay positive. 

[Angi]

Hallo Isilme,

I can really understand you. Especially the situation of not being able to tell anybody, because everybody might think there is something wrong with yourself, as “SHE is always so nice”. You´re somehow dependant on your (BF´s) boss and I understand that it reminds you of your experiences with your parents. I am also in the situation not being able to explain people the problems I have with my mom. To them she has always been nice, so they just don´t believe what is behind this mask.

Angi