I need your advice.

[gloveman]

   I need advice from all of you. When I am on my meds I feel great, but am fearful of never being able to get off of them. Pristiq is the number one pill I take for anxiety. I think I am so dependent on it that if I skip a day or even take my morning dose of it late in the day, negative thoughts boil up to the surface and I have to go about my business trying to ignore them. Mainly, anger from a lifetime of mistreatment and anger at myself for not standing up to the BPD sufferers who harshly verbally abused me.

   The other pill is Benicar, a high blood pressure medication. I developed high blood pressure mainly as a result of my wife’s chronic bad health and her non-stop, constant complaining because of it.   

   So should I just go one with my life and hope that one day my dependence on these two medications will just go away, or what?

   What do you guys think. If I continue to do things I like, such as, write, write here in BPD, exercise, lose weight, do you think my need for these medication will go away?

   As I mentioned above, negative thoughts are what upset me a great deal. Negative thoughts that result in me beating myself up, about how I coped with BPD parents and partners in business. I am thoroughly confused about whether or not I should have stood up to my abusers. I always thought that it is useless to argue with “a lunatic.” “I am okay; they are nuts.” has always been my motto, so I just didn’t respond to their insane talk.

   The boundary I established was to see them as little as possible.

        Now that I am retired, I don't see any of them, ever.

   My thoughts in this post are scattered. My post is so introspective. It is all about why do I do what I do, and what should I do in the future.

[happyfingers]

I feel you here.  I used to take Pristiq, but I ended up moving to another drug because it wasn't helping me anymore.  Well, drugs actually.  I have three psych meds, in addition to the ones I take for high blood pressure and chronic pain.  I'm pretty sure that the reason I'm on most of those drugs is as a direct result of my BPD mother.  I don't think I'll ever be able to get by completely without them.

Something else that has been helping me though is exercise.  I've been walking for 30 minutes a day every day before I get dressed, a habit just like brushing my teeth.  It seems to help.  The other thing that helps me is yoga.  I do a little yoga every day, either some poses I learned from a book or else from a video.  If I have time, I'll do a little meditation too.  I have a free app I like called "Insight Timer" that has a bunch of guided meditations. 

Hope this helps!  Hang in there. 

[Kwamina]

Hi gloveman,

How are you feeling now? It's difficult to say if your need for these types of medication will ever fully go away by continuing doing the things you do like posting here and exercising. However I do believe that the things you're doing can definitely help reduce or control your need for medication. Happyfingers has given you some great advice about yoga and meditation, many of our members can attest to the benefits. I myself meditate too and it really helps me stay calm and clear my mind.

You clearly state that the negative thoughts are what upset you a great deal. I can see how the medication might help with this but there are also other things that can help such as cognitive behavior therapy (CBT). Are you familiar with CBT techniques and if so do you apply them next to your medication? In my experience these techniques can be very helpful in combating negative thoughts. Every person is different and certain people might definitely still require medication in addition to these CBT techniques but others manage by using CBT alone. Since you're exploring possibilities to (in time) reduce your dependence on medication, I think it might be interesting for you to look into cognitive behavioral techniques  (if you haven't already done so). A number of these techniques can also be applied without a therapist yet still be quite effective.

Whether you should or shouldn't reduce your medication is not for us on bpdfamily to decide though, I'd advice you to consult your physician on this matter. But I do think the tips you've been given can really help you fight the negative thoughts in addition to your medication. Take care and I hope you'll find this helpful

[HappyChappy]

Hi gloveman Just to echo the advise already given, I have managed to reduce my anxiety though mindfullness (meditation) and running. I also found a Cognitive Therapist worked realy well. Feel more peacefull now I've addressed the childhood abuse. As for your meds, most people take a pill every days, why are your pills any different to vitamin pills or asprin ? I wouldn't worry about your meds so long as they are working.  

[ballerina82]

Just take it day by day. Your meds help you feel better for now and that's all that matters. There is definitely a great chance that you will be able to get off of them. And if you don't like life that way, it's no big deal because you can go back on too. I am on medications as well and sometimes it's hard to deal with the idea that we need them right now, but I'm sure there will be a time you won't and you and your doctor can figure that out. Don't worry .

[happyfingers]

Are you having any specific side effects from the medication that are bothering you, or are you tired of taking them for some other reason?  I don't love popping pills every day myself, and I definitely don't love the $130/month I have in prescription copays, but after years of going on and off them, I finally arrived at the conclusion that I'm better off taking them.  To be really honest, the biggest downside is the pills have really made me disinterested in, well, sex.  Apparently that's the price I have to pay for better mental health these days.  I don't know if that will ever change, but I'm not too optimistic after a lifetime of depression and anxiety.

We all have to weigh the pros and cons of taking medications and whether their benefits outweigh their costs.  Maybe things like exercise, therapy, yoga and meditation can reduce your need for the medications.  It's definitely something to discuss with your doctor if you have reason to want to discontinue taking your medications.  For me, these things are great compliments to taking medications, but they're not enough to substitute for them.

[Ziggiddy]

I am no expert on the medication you describe but I had years and years of prescribed medication for various things - mostly muscular-skeletal damage.

my main problem was feeling dependent on them.

It occurred to me of late that I actually fear trauma more than pain. Is that something you might relate to?

I also wonder if you have any kind of 'accounting' belief structure that might help you deal with your anger? ( I found it easier to deal with my anger when i separated it up into two parts one - the natural emotion that comes out in any 'normal' situation of danger or frustration and two) the justified indignation that I am entitled to as a result of surviving BPD abuse. I also believe that things must be balanced out in the end and powers greater than me will do the accounting. Some call it karma. i call it something different. And even death cannot prevent it - energy cannot be created or destroyed but it can be degraded and channelled. I trust in the laws of physics to sort out my accounting!

I also note the phrasing you used in these places:

    Mainly, anger from a lifetime of mistreatment and anger at myself for not standing up to the BPD sufferers who harshly verbally abused me.

   If I continue to do things I like, such as, write, write here in BPD, exercise, lose weight, do you think my need for these medication will go away?

   As I mentioned above, negative thoughts are what upset me a great deal. Negative thoughts that result in me beating myself up, about how I coped with BPD parents and partners in business. I am thoroughly confused about whether or not I should have stood up to my abusers. I always thought that it is useless to argue with “a lunatic.” “I am okay; they are nuts.” has always been my motto, so I just didn’t respond to their insane talk.   

not standing up to BPD sufferers. That shows compassion towards them but can I ask  - even though they are/were sufferers aren't you entitled to compassion too? in fact more? How could you have stood up to them? You were a little kid! One who should have been protected and loved and nurtured and grown. You have a RIGHT to be angry!

That kind of anger tends to abate with knowledge and time and true healing. Or is there something else at work? Gloveman how do you feel about not being angry? Would you be comfortable with it? Is it perhaps part unresolved pain and part habit? i have some pain that I have kept for years. But I acknowledge it to myself and forgive myself for not letting it go yet. When i am ready I trust myself to be capable of it.

You ask if we think you will be able to reduce your need for medication with the steps you are taking. more important is : Do YOU believe your need will abate?

It's understandable that you didn't want to argue with the 'lunatics'  - you needed to protect yourself as best you knew how - but maybe it also resulted in your voice not being heard by yourself? There's something that happens to the amygdala and the hippocampus when we hear ourselves talk that alters our memory and emotion of the events we are talking about. it's why we get kids to describe their nightmares. No one really knows why - apparently some redistribution of electromagnetic memory information or something. The thing is, thinking about it and saying it out loud are two completely different neural processes. Do you think it's worth talking to the crazies maybe in your loungeroom? Or on your back porch? Out loud? Maybe not because they will hear what you have to say but because YOU will?

I love reading your writings and I have no fear that you could do anything you wanted to. You are intelligent, resourceful and capable. I hope to hear more of your thoughts

Ziggiddy

Ziggiddy