Sisters

[Barbara Smith]

I was encouraged to keep posting, so I'm going to try it.  I have 2 sisters. After reading the descriptions, I can see that they thought too highly of me and now, things have gotten ugly.  We are middle aged, so it has been a long term issue.  Some examples from our past history: Sister upset that I got married because, according to her, I was breaking up the family.  Also told me that she thought I'd marry a rich or important person, not the regular guy I have been with now for decades.

She has a history of depression and angry outbursts from which I have picked up some pieces, moved her out of a community house due to outbursts toward other women, picked her up from airport where she went off on employees.  Tells people that growing up with me was like growing up with Mary Poppins. I told that to a colleague once, laughing, and she asked me why my sister hated me.  I never realized that it was a hateful comment until then. 

She is a hoarder and her home is a big mess.  She is out of state now and we have been getting along better until our mom sent her all of our deceased dad's poems and writings. I was concerned, given the hoarders nature of her home, and these being the only copies.  My nephew was going to scan them to use for a school project.

Months passed and when he posted on FB about the latest video game he had beaten, I commented that now he had time to scan grandpa's poems.  He told me to "Screw off".  After a tense phone call from sis, and some hateful FB messages from her, I have had enough. 

The list of emotions on the family page sums up how I feel.  Sad, hurt, guilty.  I miss her in some ways.  I will have to share about my other sister later. 

[funfunctional]

Hi Barbara,

You ever hear of survival of the fittest?  Basically... .the three of you grew up in the same disfunctional family but for whatever reasons you somehow got outside the box of thinking.  These poor souls didn't.  I have two siblings that are BOTH messes.    I grew up in the same house as them.   I look at myself and I am nothing like them.  Their thinking is dark and cynical and hopeless and sad and troubled and they have low self esteem and low confidence.  They are arrogant however and strike out at people that challenge them in getting fired from jobs.   We can't fix them.  We can't finish the job our parents didn't do.  And also - they are so difficult to deal with and have gotten MORE difficult as they have failed at relationship and life in general and seen us do "ok".  They resent us for doing "ok".    They wish they could have the inner strength to live a normal life.  But they don't.   I ask myself "what is normal".  "am I normal"  "how do I know I have a normal life?".    My answer:   I live each day as peacefully as I can.  I plan.  I love.  I think.  I work hard.  I try to enjoy every moment that is good and motivate my kids to be happy and succeed in life. I tell my kids I love you... .you are pretty... .give them hugs... .and I do this for other people too.

My siblings can't do this.   My heart aches for them.    Hope you can resonate with some of this as that was my point in sharing. 

[funfunctional]

p.s.   My survivial of the fittest comment was not to suggest that people that are mentally ill should be fed to the tigers.   More of "why" can some people survive such disfunction and others be so deeply wounded. 

[Barbara Smith]

Thank you funfunctional.  I do ask myself if I am normal at times.  A lot of the info on this site resonates with me.  I appreciate your thoughts.