phone/skype sole custody

[suffering_parent]

So I have 100% custody of my kids.   My order doesn't mention anything about phone calls.   I have basically made sure to make every phone call and skype session to Mom happen when she asks.    It was only about twice a month.   Recently she wants to do a weekly.

The biggest issue I have is she always slips something in that is inappropriate.    This last week she told the kids about some picture, "but she couldn't share it because of Dad.  It has a boyfriend in it and Dad thinks its inappropriate".   She has gone through a few men already in the last year.   Almost in every case sending pictures to the kids.

Can I just flat out tell her no more skype or phone calls if it keeps up?   The other issue is I live in a rural area and have limited bandwidth.   So if she wants to skype the kids it pretty much costs me money.

If her emails are any indication I have multitudes of law suits coming.   Two already in the courts.    She has some new boyfriend with some money.   I don't want to do anything to risk custody.   Their lives would be completly destroyed.

[SeaSprite]

Document, document, document, and ask a lawyer.

I know people who have ex's who keep trying to get custody, and the reason it hasn't worked is because the ex comes into court looking sort of crazy with piles of rambling letters or whatnot, and while the parent with custody comes in with concise documentation of all communications and pertinent information.

Unfortunately, unless she's a danger to the kids, its probably better to allow contact. It's really hard on kids to have parent contact cut off. You can explain to them that sometimes mom says things you don't agree with, but that she loves them and is doing her best. That you will always be there, etc.

When I was a school counselor, it was the kids who couldn't talk to the other parent that had a really rough time, and then they start making up romanticized stories in their heads about running away with mom or some such.

[suffering_parent]

Document, document, document, and ask a lawyer.

I know people who have ex's who keep trying to get custody, and the reason it hasn't worked is because the ex comes into court looking sort of crazy with piles of rambling letters or whatnot, and while the parent with custody comes in with concise documentation of all communications and pertinent information.

Unfortunately, unless she's a danger to the kids, its probably better to allow contact. It's really hard on kids to have parent contact cut off. You can explain to them that sometimes mom says things you don't agree with, but that she loves them and is doing her best. That you will always be there, etc.

When I was a school counselor, it was the kids who couldn't talk to the other parent that had a really rough time, and then they start making up romanticized stories in their heads about running away with mom or some such.

Thanks, good points.    Up until this point Mom has basically removed herself from contact.   The kids have talked about running away with her.   When is time to discipline etc.    At some point you just want the kids to figure it out... .

[Forward2free]

If the Skype/internet connection dropped out, she would be left mid sentence... .just saying... .

[AlonelyOne]

If the Skype/internet connection dropped out, she would be left mid sentence... .just saying... .

Isn't that always a possibility with cell phones as well? Most 35 and under do not have landlines anymore.

[SeaSprite]

It often happens that kids are the most defensive and protective of their unstable parent, and direct anger at the stable one. I think its scary to have a parent not coping, or leave them, and they really want a connection, a normal family.

The stable parent gets the brunt because they trust you not to reject them, they can act out safely.

It's not fair. And, they know. They just don't want to know.

It's a fine line too, between not supporting the other parent's choices and not badmouthing them. It sounds like you are doing as well as anyone in that no-win situation.

I used to tell my students something along the lines of, your mom can love you and still have a hard time with some of her life choices. And since you are so awesome, its sad that she's missing out. Maybe it will get better, and no matter what, you can have a good life.