Same sex BPD relationship - will she come back from her rebound

[Depression = 72% of members]

I fell in love with my partner almost 2 years ago.  She left me 4 months ago, after months of disengagement, blunt affect, and verbal degradation when not in silent treatment.  I lost my confidence and became quiet and passive, hoping the winter cold and darkness would pass and we'd endure. Surprisingly, this would not happen.  She left me last spring too but came back less than a month later.  She left... .me... .heartbroken and confused.  She said she wanted to be alone and then she went online and found someone completely opposite of me in terms of careers, finances, kids, family values, living community... .all opposite.  Her online profile disturbed me as it wasn't her personality, interests, attitude, or energy level... .it was mine  Within the past few weeks, she has called and left a friendly message.  I have been going to counseling to work through my depression and PTSD.  While I am committed to making it work and being the confident woman I was before this, the woman she fell in love with.  Does this sound familiar?  Dare I hope she could be on her way back?

[Hawk Ridge]

I fell in love with my partner almost 2 years ago.  She left me 4 months ago, after months of disengagement, blunt affect, and verbal degradation when not in silent treatment.  I lost my confidence and became quiet and passive, hoping the winter cold and darkness would pass and we'd endure. Surprisingly, this would not happen.  She left me last spring too but came back less than a month later.  She left... .me... .heartbroken and confused.  She said she wanted to be alone and then she went online and found someone completely opposite of me in terms of careers, finances, kids, family values, living community... .all opposite.  Her online profile disturbed me as it wasn't her personality, interests, attitude, or energy level... .it was mine  Within the past few weeks, she has called and left a friendly message.  I have been going to counseling to work through my depression and PTSD.  While I am committed to making it work and being the confident woman I was before this, the woman she fell in love with.  Does this sound familiar?  Dare I hope she could be on her way back?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[itgirl]

hi,

I cant say for sure if she will come back to you but in my experience this is not uncommon.  They re-cycle many times and some BPDs you will never hear from again.

You are seeing a T which is great.  I hope you will focus more on working on yourself for you than being a better person for her.

Did you reply to her friendly message?

[Hawk Ridge]

Thank you for your honest response.  I am trying to use this time to both recover from the emotional abuse but also to learn about the illness. The openness of this venue seems to provide good information from the experiences within the forum as well as the articles.  I am a strong advocate of self care so i have no shame about seeing a therapist.  My only concern is that she doesn't seem to want me to go back should the opportunity arise.  I have been very open in stating I desire to return to this relationship, learn tools to do so, and to pratice self care as I suffered significant depression and ptsd after she abruptly left me without stating why. I automatically went into my shame response of blaming myself.

I would love to hear ideas about setting up more appropriate boundaries should she desire to come back.

I did return her call and left a friendly voicemail.