Do BPD's know what their part is?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

In my experience, yes and no. Two days ago I asked after (hopefully) the last extreme rage either of us will experience - "did she even remember what she said/did?" She said sometimes, but not all the time. Extreme stress (if it was a period of extreme stress for my exBPD) always brought on crazier rages than normal - she always apologized saying she did not want to be that person. While I believe I was sometimes part of the problem (avoiding conflict so as not to trigger rages and only bringing out when I was attacked outright), I think my exBPD viewed her harmful outbursts at the time as justified response (only it was 1000x too strong for the situation). She would often say, in periods of low stress the 1000x too strong response was always there just that she had more energy to keep it in. She seemed to view those efforts as a heroic struggle, and based on what I know about BPD I can see her point of view.

[rock_and_a_hard_place]

In my experience, yes and no. Two days ago I asked after (hopefully) the last extreme rage either of us will experience - "did she even remember what she said/did?" She said sometimes, but not all the time. Extreme stress (if it was a period of extreme stress for my exBPD) always brought on crazier rages than normal - she always apologized saying she did not want to be that person. While I believe I was sometimes part of the problem (avoiding conflict so as not to trigger rages and only bringing out when I was attacked outright), I think my exBPD viewed her harmful outbursts at the time as justified response (only it was 1000x too strong for the situation). She would often say, in periods of low stress the 1000x too strong response was always there just that she had more energy to keep it in. She seemed to view those efforts as a heroic struggle, and based on what I know about BPD I can see her point of view.

[Infared]

Yeah after the first visit. I think she only went twice, she never really talked about what they discussed, other than that he taught her mindfulness techniques, and told her she was "severely anxious". She was prescribed anti-psychotics too (the T. was part of a large private clinic)

Yeah, she went to a psychiatrist, not a therapist. I have a serious problem with our mental health system. I believe in therapy and change. Definitely. I have done plenty and it has made me more aware and helped me change and grow. For me, I had to seek it out and be willing. I also had to be honest.  I also usually sought it out when I was in a lot of pain!... .but I made a commitment to follow thru after I was out of pain and work on my issues.

I don't understand how a person can go to a P that is not in the care of a T and get a diagnosis and a script after one visit? Sorry, but the P cannot possibly know that person in any real way, IMHO. I also have never seen anyone who has gone to a P "not" get a script. I thoroughly believe that most people do not need medication. They need a good therapist, need to be responsible for who they, need to be honest and be willing to go through some pain and do some work.

I know that when my expwBPD ran of, I went to therapy, and for what was going on (of course I did not know the half of it), I begged my ex to get some help. She did... .and I (stupidly), went to a session I was invited to (can't get into the whole thing here), but my ex was sitting there telling lie after lie, hanging her head in shame as we now had a referee (I thought) and she knew that I knew the truth. I thought great, now we are getting somewhere, I was hopeful and then I see that the Therapist (her therapist, duh), is believing every word she says and taking her side!  pwBPD are soo manipulative and dishonest. It is so hard for them to change and/or get help because they cannot truly be honest with themselves and want to change.

A P prescribing a medication after one visit is not going to come close to addressing the situation, IMHO. ... .But, hey... .what do I know?   

[camuse]

Ah yes sorry, it will have been a P not a T. My mistake. She wouldn't really discuss it. She went to them because she works in a psychiatric hospital, so she had free easy access to the services. She is also friends with the P so its not a standard situation. She went voluntarily though, so obviously knew something was not right, but from what little bits she talked about it, the P seemed to be blaming it all on me and just helping her cope rather than understand. She had been in hospital in the past for her eating disorder and addiction to amphetamines, but again didn't like to discuss this. Her attitude seemed to be that I had driven her to it this time. "I have to take anti-anxiety meds because you make me so anxious."

[Infared]

Ah yes sorry, it will have been a P not a T. My mistake. She wouldn't really discuss it. She went to them because she works in a psychiatric hospital, so she had free easy access to the services. She is also friends with the P so its not a standard situation. She went voluntarily though, so obviously knew something was not right, but from what little bits she talked about it, the P seemed to be blaming it all on me and just helping her cope rather than understand. She had been in hospital in the past for her eating disorder and addiction to amphetamines, but again didn't like to discuss this. Her attitude seemed to be that I had driven her to it this time. "I have to take anti-anxiety meds because you make me so anxious."

WEOOW, Camuse!  That is a LOT of    's

1. Drug addiction

2. Sees a P who is a friend and immediately scripts her

3. Food disorder (addiction)

4. No responsibility for her own actions (blames you and countless others no doubt)

For me... in most cases I think that taking meds is not facing the problem ( that is my opinion and I am not a professional)... .I do believe that there are people who REALLY need them and should use them... .but they are far and few between. Most people get a pill, treat the symptom and don't address the underlying problem (and our healthcare system backs that up, unfortunately)... .It takes self awareness, brutal honesty, a want/need to change and grow, and the help of a skilled T to understand us, give us challenges and guide us through the process... .My first T sucked, my second one ... ."go" me and made me work!

In my experience BPD's generally (not all) are not capable of the process.

The whole thing with the therapist taking all she says about you as "fact" makes me laugh. (that is what mine did and her T fell right in line with her lies... God knows what she said about me)... .and in your case it is even more unprofessional as she has a relationship with the P outside of counseling.  Not good, IMHO.

Sounds like you have a lot of awareness about it all though... and are moving forward... .

[myself]

They definitely know. They 'see all', remember?

It's part of what keeps them on the run.

Denying it doesn't make it disappear.

[Emelie Emelie]

I think they repress it too.  My exBF was very angry with me.  Angry with me for disappointing him, not giving him what he needed, being upset about the break up... .you name it.  It was all my fault.  All the time.