BPD daughter overspending

[concerned46]

I thought of reposting my earlier post today under "concerned parent" because the title didn't clue the reader in on the BPD symptom that needs addressing.  So the following was posted 5 hours ago under "Concerned Parent".  I hope the re-titled piece would attract some helpful replies.

I'm a concerned parent.  My daughter,28, has had to quit a good job last February and is currently unemployed.  In early 2013 she had a serious operation on her pituitary gland.  She was still able to hold down her job after that operation but six months thereafter she started suffering from severe depression.  And somehow she also started hating her job, which she was good at.  She also started an alarming spending binge buying unnecessary things online, with dozens and dozens of boxes from Amazon and elsewhere ending on our doorstep.  She's now burned through all her savings.  Since my daughter is not working, I'm supporting her financially and also paying for her Cobra insurance coverage which should last us through mid-2015.  Luckily she's going through group therapy and has visits to the psychiatrist that are covered by Cobra right now.  But she spends "mindlessly", because that's how she puts it.  She says that whenever she's depressed she just surfs the net and buys things, mostly unnecessary stuff and is not even aware she's doing it.  I'm afraid that this mindless spending might bankrupt her and will have a huge financial impact on me--as I'm supporting her right now.  Btw, I'm retired and on fixed income.  Would any member have any insight or advice on this.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[maxen]

hi concerned.   i responded to your OP, i hope you've seen it!

[lever.]

Hello concerned46  

Impulsive spending can certainly be a feature of BPD.

Does your daughter have a confirmed diagnosis? Did this problem occur before she had the pituitary operation? I am coming from a place of not knowing but I wondered if there is any link and if the doctors are aware of it.

How is she managing to do all this on-line shopping if she is in debt-is she putting it on a card or something? Would she agree to take preventative action? Does she accept that it is a problem?

From her description it sounds as if she is trying to regulate her emotions by spending. If she isn't aware she is doing it she may be dissociating-will she let you go with her and discuss this with a doctor?

I also wondered if she is having any therapeutic help.

So many questions!

It is a very difficult situation for you.

I see that you already have a link to the parent's board on your first post-please join us there. you will find a lot of information and support.

[jellibeans]

Dear concerned parent

I just wanted to welcome you. This is the first time I have really heard of this overspending problem although I think pwBPD do have a hard time with money due to their impulsiveness. Do you think things will calm down now that she has gone through her savings or is she going to use credit and go deeper into debt? Have you thought about having her return items?

I am wondering if her operation has something to do with these changes you are seeing? How was she before all this happened? Sorry for so many questions. Just trying tounderstand the problem more clearly. We are here for you... .it might take a bit longer for a response but we are here. Summer tends to be a stressful time for us all and sometimes we are putting out fires at our own home. Please know this is a good group with a lot of very helpful people. I hope someone has some wisdom for you.

[Dibdob59]

This is what appears in the DSM IV criteria so overspending is clearly a trait of BPD

(4) impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating). Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5.

I certainly see it in my UBPD family members

[concerned46]

I posted a long letter earlier today giving a timeline of events leading to my daughter's BPD diagnosis and I don't know where it went.  I spent some time composing that letter and I also thanked those who replied to my earlier email.  I'll get my thoughts together again and post another letter to address your comments.   In any case I'd like to thank those who replied and I hope we can share our experiences, learn from them and help us and our children live with BPD.