I have made limited contact

[jeb]

Thanks to those of you who responded to whether I should contact my dd...   So far I have sent her some text messages; one in particular about a family member with severe anorexia and she was interested to hear about the clinical study this member will be in so there has been a bit of reciprocity on her part.  I reached out again today and was empathetic about her trying to find a job and if there was any way I could help to let me know.  By listening to the advice on this site I am beginning to accept that I have no control over if and when she responds and as long as we are on this dry spell, I am thinking that I will send her the occasional brief message just to show her that I am thinking about her. I hope that is a good idea.

But I will keep reminding myself that I am not in control of her behaviour. Am currently reading the "How not to walk on eggshells" book and will probably soon order the "Overcoming BPD" by Valerie Porr and am girding my strength for Mother's Day which has always been spent with both kids and before that my mother and father as well, when they were alive, but in all probability I will only see my nonBPD son that day. I will be grateful for that much.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[qcarolr]

jeb - this seems to be working for now. It is good to have even this limited contact. Let us know what you think from your reading.

qcr

[pessim-optimist]

Dear jeb,

You are absolutely right - we only have control over what we do... . And you are lovingly keeping that door open for your daughter to come when she is ready. 

Please do not worry about mothers' day just yet. Many things can change in a course of a day or a week. And if they don't - then you can deal with it then. Taking it a day at time is best.