BPD Behavior? yes/no? "My life is perfect" Is this denial common with BPD?

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

So, i'm wondering if this behavior has been experienced by a partner of a pwBPD.

During our relationship my uBPDex often idealized her mother and other parts of her past, and because I was mostly unaware of my ex's past (because she was secretive or dismissive when asked about her past), I took everything she said about her past as being gospel truth. I tend to trust people more than they deserve sometimes.

Some background info:

After the most recent episode of being painted black, I began discussing her past with some of her friends that have known her for a long time. I discovered some things about her past that, to me, indicate that her mother may have been emotionally neglectful despite the fact that my ex insisted that her mother was "the best mother a person could hope to have" and wanted to give me "the childhood I never had".

-I discovered that her mother was beaten by my ex's father, who was an alcoholic and abused drugs. My ex's mother and father split just before my ex was born.

-During my ex's life, her mother has had several short term relationships, the details of which are unclear to me.

-I discovered that my ex was expelled from school in the 8th grade after passing out in the hall way while on Xanax. (something she never disclosed to me)

- During my ex's first relationship, she had a break up where she showed up at her ex's house banging on the door and crying hysterically. This apparently happened on several occasions. (also something she never disclosed)

-A mutual friend that hung out with her in junior high school stated that my ex's mother would give her and her friends pills, liquor, and marijuana. She was the "cool mom". (also not disclosed to me by ex)

-Her mother tends to have little friends with whom, even though she is now in her 60s, she smokes weed with and does pills. She also tends to expel these people from her life after a matter of a few months.

-A mutual friend told me recently that most of  my ex's relationships in the past have been very dramatic. When I have asked my ex about past relationship (remember, she has been avoidant about giving me details which I found strange, since I was always wanting to talk about my past and lessons i'd learned from my past) she would usually tell me that her ex's had emotional problems I.E. being hung up on another ex, being too controlling... .

-She once went to California to grow weed with a group of people she barely knew, and started a relationship with one of the guys on the trip. She told me once that this guy snuck some LSD into a strangers drink at a McDonalds. She found this amusing. When I expressed that this action was definitely not cool, and that it was very disrespectful and similar to rape, she changed her tone completely, stating, "I know. I would never do anything like that."

Has anyone experience a BPD creating a false past or purposefully omitting things from their past or idealizing people or experiences from their past?

[woofhound]

So, i'm wondering if this behavior has been experienced by a partner of a pwBPD.

During our relationship my uBPDex often idealized her mother and other parts of her past, and because I was mostly unaware of my ex's past (because she was secretive or dismissive when asked about her past), I took everything she said about her past as being gospel truth. I tend to trust people more than they deserve sometimes.

Some background info:

After the most recent episode of being painted black, I began discussing her past with some of her friends that have known her for a long time. I discovered some things about her past that, to me, indicate that her mother may have been emotionally neglectful despite the fact that my ex insisted that her mother was "the best mother a person could hope to have" and wanted to give me "the childhood I never had".

-I discovered that her mother was beaten by my ex's father, who was an alcoholic and abused drugs. My ex's mother and father split just before my ex was born.

-During my ex's life, her mother has had several short term relationships, the details of which are unclear to me.

-I discovered that my ex was expelled from school in the 8th grade after passing out in the hall way while on Xanax. (something she never disclosed to me)

- During my ex's first relationship, she had a break up where she showed up at her ex's house banging on the door and crying hysterically. This apparently happened on several occasions. (also something she never disclosed)

-A mutual friend that hung out with her in junior high school stated that my ex's mother would give her and her friends pills, liquor, and marijuana. She was the "cool mom". (also not disclosed to me by ex)

-Her mother tends to have little friends with whom, even though she is now in her 60s, she smokes weed with and does pills. She also tends to expel these people from her life after a matter of a few months.

-A mutual friend told me recently that most of  my ex's relationships in the past have been very dramatic. When I have asked my ex about past relationship (remember, she has been avoidant about giving me details which I found strange, since I was always wanting to talk about my past and lessons i'd learned from my past) she would usually tell me that her ex's had emotional problems I.E. being hung up on another ex, being too controlling... .

-She once went to California to grow weed with a group of people she barely knew, and started a relationship with one of the guys on the trip. She told me once that this guy snuck some LSD into a strangers drink at a McDonalds. She found this amusing. When I expressed that this action was definitely not cool, and that it was very disrespectful and similar to rape, she changed her tone completely, stating, "I know. I would never do anything like that."

Has anyone experience a BPD creating a false past or purposefully omitting things from their past or idealizing people or experiences from their past?

[Popcorn71]

My xBPDh definately wasn't totally truthful about his past.  I believe most of what he told me was loosely based on fact but he changed details to suit himself.

He was always very vague on dates.  He would say he had lived somewhere for 10 years and it would actually only have been for 5 or 6 years.  He claimed to have done things at a young age, that would have been impossible.  He probably did these things but a couple of years later than he said.

He also told me many impressive stories but nobody else ever mentioned these events that were supposed to have happened.  This was strange because I would have expected people to have mentioned some of the things because they were so out of the ordinary.

He also told me that he had friends who would do anything for him and he could really rely on them.  However, the particular ones he mentioned, he saw maybe 3 times in 10 years and they didn't seem to be very close to him.

I think a lot of what he said was really the way in which he wanted his life to be.  I think he convinced himself that he was telling the truth.

[camuse]

The timescales of mines relationships don't really add up. I suspect they were much shorter in reality. Maybe they overlapped. I think now she lied a lot, but I wasn't suspicious at the time.

[Huh?]

Both of the uwBPD women I have dated insisted they were the most "positive" and "optimistic" people throughout the duration of our relationships... .yet they would NEVER, EVER stop complaining.  ABOUT EVERYTHING. EVER.  Its all an facade, an illusion.

[tired-of-it-all]

Mine told me for years that she was babysat by a famous rock star.  She told the story over and over.  We were at dinner with some new friends who actually knew this particular rock star.  I told the story that she had told over and over.  She flatly denied that it happened.  I was stunned.  

She idolized her older brother.  He was the second coming of Jesus to hear her tell it.  It eventually surfaced that he was continually unfaithful to his wife and had been for years.  

With the BPD, people are either all good or all bad and they change from one side to the other depending on her mood.

[woofhound]

He also told me that he had friends who would do anything for him and he could really rely on them.  However, the particular ones he mentioned, he saw maybe 3 times in 10 years and they didn't seem to be very close to him.

I think a lot of what he said was really the way in which he wanted his life to be.  I think he convinced himself that he was telling the truth.

My ex always talked about one friend (and the only friend from her past that she was still friends with) as if they were best friends forever, but I realized that she rarely spoke to this person. However, the person does live in a different city. Her other friends from her past that she spoke about she wasn't friends with anymore. This, in her words, would come as a fault in the other person. Makes me wonder if she's ever been able to maintain a friendship for long. Even the friends she met after moving her she doesn't stay in contact with on a regular basis, and even then, they are drug dealers, so I assume (and have heard on numerous) occasions that drugs are involved. I think she uses them as access to get drugs... .She does have one friend here that she consistently hangs out with. She convinced this friend to get a divorce, and they smoke weed together. This friend is also, (like her other friends) less attractive than her and seek validation from her on a regular basis. i.e. "you should leave your husband", "your boyfriend is a dick (when in my opinion they were both to blame), a lot of "you go girl" kind of stuff... .Is that normal? For people to cling to people who are less attractive or have obvious mental problems?

[woofhound]

With the BPD, people are either all good or all bad and they change from one side to the other depending on her mood.

The thing is, with her mother, she is always "all good", but on typical sociological standards, a mother that would give her daughter drugs and alcohol at a young age is not good... .

Another point I would like to make: Any time I brought up any negative aspect of her mother's behavior in a constructive way (example: her mother uses pain medication and has for a long time for Fibromyalgia, and I began to express concern, as pain meds are know to damage the liver over time) she would react in one of two or both ways:

1. Become angry with me for "judging" her mom.

2. Point out that my mom was an alcoholic, and tell me to focus on my own "F*d up family"... .

Just plain being hurtful.

I guess when you mother is the only constant in your life you might tend to be a bit defensive. I think her whole construct of who she is must be based on the belief that her mother is some sort of infallible idol.

[Blimblam]

Listen to the song the noose by a perfect circle

[AwakenedOne]

It's all a facade, an illusion.

My ex said she has "the best mother ever" also. BS... .her mother is a SNAKE. The most evil person I have ever met in my entire life. Emotional Incest. They have a very very very very very etc... .sick relationship. What you are describing sounds similar, if not the same.

[woofhound]

Listen to the song the noose by a perfect circle

I've listened to that whole album about 100 times since the break up... .Know every word by heart

[woofhound]

Its all an facade, an illusion.

My ex said her mother is "the best mother ever" also. BS... .her mother is a SNAKE. The most evil person I have ever met in my entire life. Emotional Incest. They have a very very very very very etc... .sick relationship. What you are describing sounds similar, if not the same.

That would explain the violent reactions when bringing up that her mother might (definitely does, but I would never say that... .eggshells?) have a problem... .

Its like she's saying: HOW DARE YOU CHALLANGE THE DELICATE CONSTRUCT OF WHO I HAVE FALSELY ALLOWED MY SELF TO BELIEVE I AM, YOU BAST*RD!

[MammaMia]

These are good examples of pwBPD and their distorted perspectives.  They may be the lives they wish they had had, where everything was perfect. Chances are there may be a tiny bit of truth among all the other obviously disordered stories.

Many pwBPD actually do the opposite... .EVERYTHING in their lives has been bad.  Bad childhood, bad parents, bad schools, bad friends, etc.  They are always the victim who got sucked into bad things.

Negative, negative, negative.

[Blimblam]

Listen to the song the noose by a perfect circle

I've listened to that whole album about 100 times since the break up... .Know every word by heart

Sing it and cry your pain out releasing your soul.  Also tool: when your angry - cold and ugly, - when you feel overwhelmed push it (Aenema version), when at your most desperate moments of no energy listen to reflection,  eventually when you feel cynical hooker with a penis with the intro. Later on 46&2, third eye, the grudge, lateralus, and parabola.

Maynard knows Maynard's been here.

[Blimblam]

Also dude she knows and she is in denial. Once you realize whoa and what she really is then you will know yourself.  This world is her dream her nightmare and we are characters in it. She's a fallen angel dude and she's lost in her nightmare untill we understand what it was she inspired in us we won't know who we are. She's the messenger. We can only save her by saving ourselves and finding that missing piece we found in our love for her.

[AwakenedOne]

That would explain the violent reactions when bringing up that her mother might (definitely does, but I would never say that... .eggshells?) have a problem... .

Its like she's saying: HOW DARE YOU CHALLANGE THE DELICATE CONSTRUCT OF WHO I HAVE FALSELY ALLOWED MY SELF TO BELIEVE I AM, YOU BAST*RD!

My ex had violent reactions to even tame innocent comments about any of her family members. Example: "I don't really like your moms car that much, it's not very comfortable." She would rage for hours and break stuff and/or attack me.

[woofhound]

Ironically Tool, as I think I've mentioned before, is her favorite band... .Once, during a break up, I was with some friends at a music festival, and she walked through my camp singing some Tool lyrics "I just want something I can never have"... .Something like that. Projection? Was that her way of telling me I can never really have her? Feels like it.

[woofhound]

These are good examples of pwBPD and their distorted perspectives.  They may be the lives they wish they had had, where everything was perfect. Chances are there may be a tiny bit of truth among all the other obviously disordered stories.

Many pwBPD actually do the opposite... .EVERYTHING in their lives has been bad.  Bad childhood, bad parents, bad schools, bad friends, etc.  They are always the victim who got sucked into bad things.

Negative, negative, negative.

Most everything else in her life was bad... .hormones which she used to explain away her mood shifts, people in her life were good sometimes and bad other, her mother's mother was a damaged woman in her words, her mother's father was an abusive pig, all of her mother's boyfriends weren't good enough, the list goes on... .

but her mother was always a shinning example of parenting.

Distortion? probably