What is your fantasy escape/exit story?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I haven't been able to bring myself to end it yet, but as I feel more boxed in I think of a fantasy escape scenarios. Ways to just exit without having to suffer the pain of confrontation and facing her.

Here is one of my favorites:

I live in California but frequent Miami because I share custody with my daughter and she lives there. So my fantasy would be to just take a leave of absence from my job, leave my house (yes, it's my house, I bought it before I was married), find a place for a month in Miami. The Miami place would be a little studio in a highrise overlooking the water. Furnished with soothing mono-cromatic, modern furnishings. I would exercise, read, eat sushi and SLEEP. SLEEP a lot. I would write her a letter telling her it's over and to get out and tell me when she is gone. When she was finally out I would enlist my friends to sage the house, remove any remnants of her like pictures etc ( she would have already broken these anyway likely). Then I would come back. And it would be great because I wouldn't have to face her again and she would be gone and all her stuff would be gone.

[michel71]

I haven't been able to bring myself to end it yet, but as I feel more boxed in I think of a fantasy escape scenarios. Ways to just exit without having to suffer the pain of confrontation and facing her.

Here is one of my favorites:

I live in California but frequent Miami because I share custody with my daughter and she lives there. So my fantasy would be to just take a leave of absence from my job, leave my house (yes, it's my house, I bought it before I was married), find a place for a month in Miami. The Miami place would be a little studio in a highrise overlooking the water. Furnished with soothing mono-cromatic, modern furnishings. I would exercise, read, eat sushi and SLEEP. SLEEP a lot. I would write her a letter telling her it's over and to get out and tell me when she is gone. When she was finally out I would enlist my friends to sage the house, remove any remnants of her like pictures etc ( she would have already broken these anyway likely). Then I would come back. And it would be great because I wouldn't have to face her again and she would be gone and all her stuff would be gone.

[Boss302]

The starship Enterprise comes around, beams BPDx into a rock. Freedom!

[Moselle]

I love this post!

Richard Branson donates Necker Island, into my trust as a holiday island/ summer retreat. My wife gives me full custody of my 3 children, and we live summers in New York (which happens to be the most incredible city in the world. I'm South African by the way). and winters on Necker Island.

Scarlett Johanssen falls madly in love with me and becomes the most devoted wife and mother to my three children. We have 3 of our own, which makes 6. Yes I know that's a lot, but I love my kids.

My current wife sends me an occasional email, saying sorry for the crap she has caused me for 14 years and she becomes a good friend, who supports all the work I do with the children. Recovers fully from BPD, marries a great guy and becomes good friends with Scarlett.

If she ever find this post. Please tell her someone hijacked my account and wrote this

This is me on Necker

One big happy family!

[LilHurt420]

I love this post too

In a perfect world I would find a job making a great amount of money in a near by company.  One day while uBPDh is at work I'd take a day off and move all of mine and my sons things out of the house.  When he got home he would come home to an empty house and be left to sit there with only himself and the thoughts of all the things he's done to me over the years.

The main thing that has always stopped me from leaving is money.  I often day dream of being more financially secure and being able to leave him one day.  However, being with him almost guarantees I will never be financially stable because he is so irresponsible and even takes money from me when he's mad just to take it.

[half-life]

I would travel through the time tunnel to find my old self, knock him on the head and tell him you are going to make a huge mistake that your will regret for the rest of your life. Stop going with the flow and make serious choice. Ask more from life because you deserve it.

[BethRoberts]

My fantasy is very mundane. I'll find out that he has been having an affair with somebody at work, preferably somebody I've never met.

Then I can kick him out without feeling any guilt, and the kids and I will have the house to ourselves. I will at last be able to spend evenings out of the house pursuing hobbies and meeting people, without the fear that World War III will break out in my absence, and I will be able to invite anybody I like to the house, without fear of him flirting or grandstanding or picking arguments. Our daughter will have a calm final year at school, and she may even achieve those top grades that were predicted years ago. I will be able to take our younger son for more visits to relatives and old family friends, which should help him build up his social confidence. I won't have to spend half my time being told that I don't contribute enough to the family finances and the rest of my time being told that I'm neglecting his needs because I work too hard.

And the best part is that I'll be able to ignore him when he tries to explain how the breakup is all my fault.

[ImWrecked]

My fantasy is very mundane. I'll find out that he has been having an affair with somebody at work, preferably somebody I've never met.

Then I can kick him out without feeling any guilt

DITTO! 

[Forestaken]

Take the kids and move to Saipan. But send a letter postmarked:Orlando, telling her I work in Disney World.

[maxsterling]

Interesting topic.  I'm noticing many of your fantasies involve just running away or disappearing.  Before I get to mine, I would like to point out that my fiancé does tell me of many people in her life who simply disappeared, moved away without a trace.  One fellow even threw his phone in the garbage!  It's just so interesting that many of us have that fantasy, but that's exactly what happened to her on multiple occasions.  I can certainly understand why.  We would want to end things amicably, but we are so exhausted or fearful that we know that isn't an option, so we fantasize about a painless way that protects ourselves.  I know if I tried to end things amicably, I would be met with stalking, suicide attempts, anger, destroyed property, etc.  I'm sure many of you feel the same way and would rather not take that risk.   

With things are going better now, I almost feel ashamed that I once had an exit fantasy.  But when things were really bad, I had a fantasy that there was some kind of non-profit organization that would kidnap me, sedate me, and take me to a far away place where I could heal for awhile.  Meanwhile, they would take her and put her in an institution that protects and helps her and take care of my household and job for a few months.  And that after a period of time I would come back, resume my life, and wish her well.

[Suspicious1]

This thread has been really enlightening. Up until recently I've hoped (despite my better judgement) for possible reconciliation, but this thread has done a LOT to remind me of the hell that awaits, and that I'm lucky to have been able to just walk away before I get to that point.

Hope you all get what you're looking for... .

[Moselle]

This thread has been really enlightening. Up until recently I've hoped (despite my better judgement) for possible reconciliation, but this thread has done a LOT to remind me of the hell that awaits, and that I'm lucky to have been able to just walk away before I get to that point.

Hope you all get what you're looking for... .

Hi Suspicious. Someone asked me the other day, if I could choose again, would I run a mile, or choose to stay. Bearing in mind that I am 14 years and 3 children into a BPD marriage. And I only discovered BPD 7 months ago.

My reply was a bit cryptic, I said truthfully, that "I would have run a mile", but then just as truthfully, "into the arms of another woman with BPD". I have something about me which I had to learn and fix, and would have played out in any romantic relationship.

It's been heart-wrenching, and painful and stressful, but for this I am actually grateful to my BPD wife. Without her I might not have learned to stand independently, build my life for myself, how to establish boundaries, to be assertive, and to stand up for myself in the face of serious punishment. I short I am better for it.

I am separated from her and the relationship may not work long term, but I am discovering in more ways than one that it is not circumstance that determines us, but our response to that circumstance.

Well done for making your choice, and it seems you are very emotionally mature to make that choice. I'n curious, what attracted you to him?

[Suspicious1]

Like a lot of people with BPD partners, he filled a gap I didn't know I had. I reacted so strongly to his idealisation that it shocked me, and I know now that a lot of it was to do with the fact that I was detaching from an abusive marriage, and had been living with constant criticism for the previous six years. Like so many people I went from one toxic relationship into another, because the things that should have been red flags were the things that I craved - someone highly protective who love bombed me and seemed to see me the way I'd wanted to be seen for so long. Now I know those are signs of an unhealthy relationship, not of "Mr Right". I think in a similar way I filled a gap for him.

I'm saying I'm lucky because I didn't live with him or have children with him, so "walking away" just entailed sitting tight and not speaking to him. Also it was only an 18 month relationship, so those bonds weren't as strong as they would have been otherwise. And he's made it easy by giving me the ST while I was detaching. Lots and lots of things in my favour, because I don't think I could ever have made it otherwise - it was like a withdrawal, like craving one last hit.

So yes, I'm taking what I can from this experience. I may be hyper vigilant at the moment, but I've learned a lot, and have some boundaries now that I never realised I needed before.

[Moselle]

So yes, I'm taking what I can from this experience. I may be hyper vigilant at the moment, but I've learned a lot, and have some boundaries now that I never realised I needed before.

OK fantastic. You seem very self aware!

I'm not sure if I'm staying in mine or leaving at this stage, but I'm becoming emotionally independent and rebuilding myself. The me that I like. A book called "How to stop caretaking the borderline narcissist", by Fjelstad, has been a huge help. I suggest you read it if you haven't already.

[Suspicious1]

Oh brilliant, thanks for the recommendation. It would be good for me to give it a go I think, I need all the help I can get to stay on the path and make the most of the experience. Thank you

[bpbreakout]

My fantasy is mundane as well. We would seperate amicably and I would rent a small house nearby and I would have primary custody of the children. For the remainder of their childhood, every Sunday the children and I would cook butter chicken together, talk about nothing in particular and watch TV for a while without constantly having to deal with a constant of "advice" and "reminders'.

[Theo41]

When things get really bad I fantasize too. I think it's necessary. It takes a lot of the negative pressure off. Also, it's not all fantasy. For me it's planning, and I have actually left several times. The problem is that she cunningly sucks me back in. Begging, threats of suicide, I'll behave, whatever it takes.

Lately it's been better. I've scaled back the things in our life like entertaining and travel that add enough stress to cause her to disregulate.

Best thing is to develop a good exit strategy and have it ready if the day comes when you really do decide to go. Theo