Lost and confused

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

my ex girlfriend who has bad left me and then just yesterday I tried to contact and the only response I got was this she said I am done want nothing leave her alone. We had such a strong bond and I am so confused and hurt how can u be so cold to someone you said you loved .I am going crazy she said all I do is lie to her and I don't she says I am deciving her all the time so confused were she gets this from  :'(

[ACCERS24]

my ex girlfriend who has bad left me and then just yesterday I tried to contact and the only response I got was this she said I am done want nothing leave her alone. We had such a strong bond and I am so confused and hurt how can u be so cold to someone you said you loved .I am going crazy she said all I do is lie to her and I don't she says I am deciving her all the time so confused were she gets this from  :'(

[Mutt]

 

Hi ACCERS24,

I'm so sorry about your exe's cold behavior when you tried to contact her. It hurts deeply and leaves us feeling frustrated and confused. Is she diagnosed with BPD? How long was the relationship? Were there many break-up / make-up  cycles?

[ACCERS24]

Yes she was,along with being bi polar 2  we have been together for over a year and in that time this is the 2 time she left,we have let her daughter move in twice with us and both times it has been when her daughter lived with us ,but we have read some books together on BPD and I know that she goes threw this and in the past we have been able to talk threw it this time has been the worst I have seen it just don't understand how u can say u love someone then the next min u are kicking them out like they meant nothing I do love her very much and am willing to do anything to help but yesterday when she told me to leave her alone just ripped my heart right out of my chest. I don't know if there is hope for us or not I just pray everyday. Even her older daughter has talk to me and had said that when her daughter is around she is a different person I don't know how to get threw to her feeling very lost and hopeless

[Mutt]

The push / pull behavior of a pwBPD pulls at the heart strings and ties your stomach in knots because you don't know what you did to deserve this behavior. I'm sorry. The cold behavior you're getting is the engulfment swing of the pendulum. The push / pull behavior I mentioned and she was triggered.

Feelings are facts to a pwBPD and not facts followed by feelings. Communication tools can soften the edges of the relationship and you can validate the truth in your message.

TOOLS: S.E.T. - Support, Empathy and Truth


- Mutt