I know one day she will paint me white again.

[Gmoney]

Let me tell you the pain you had in store for you if you married her. My uBPDxw had 3 affiars that I know about. We have 3 kids together so I still have to see her/ maintain some contact. She replaced me 30 days after she told me she wanted a divorce. She is still with that guy.  We were officially divorced yesterday.  I have a feeling she will be engaged by this valentines day.  We were together for 15 yrs married 12.  I only heard of BPD 3 months ago. 


She only filed for divorce once she found her replacement.  I hated him at first for all the reasons you stated above. But know he saved me.  My T says when she paints him black he will be calling me to find out what the hell just happened to him.  I thought about telling about her and BPD. But that wouldn't do any good.  I saw some of there texts while my ex and I were still living together.  In short month I read how much they were in love and perfect for each other blah blah blah... .Well my friend you are going to be in a world of hurt one day soon.  I am a stronger person today. I know about boundries today.  I will teach my kids about them as well and I will be a strong stable parent that will viladate their feelings

Am I over my ex? No.  I still fantasie about sex with her.  When I am having sex with my current GF I sometimes think of my ex. Well I think about her during sex more than I want to admit.   

The sex wasn't the best I ever had. Bit my Ed's body is killer and while I was sitting in my car yesterday when I had to see her I got aroused and had to hide that from her so she would not feel impowered by it. Really the last hurdle I have to giving her up completely is to loose the sexual attraction i have for her.  She has nothing to offer me.  I have nothing left to offer her.  She still holds on.  Before the convesation ended uraterday she asked "why do I hate her?" Testing the waters.

I know one day she will paint me white again.  We talked about always being friends with benefits during the beginning of the divorce process.  But I know that's not healthy.  I know I still want her in bed. But that's a door I can not ever open for my own health and well being. 

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Gmoney, Maybe that will happen someday, but don't hold your breath!  Seriously, it's time to move on.  Don't even consider a "friends w/benefits" arrangement -- that's for friends, not ex-spouses.  It's hard, I know, but you will learn and grow from the experience.  Hang in there, LuckyJim