Broke NC. Pissed off.

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I was NC for two weeks, and then I noticed that we still had files shared amongst eachother on Google drive. I was getting notifications as she was working on these files, so I messaged her asking to copy them to her own account so that I would not receive notifications of her working.

She took my contact opportunity as a time to "apologize" for her actions, take responsibility, and offer to have Coffee because she wanted to offer a sincere apology face-to-face. She said that this was not a ploy to get me back and that she was better off being alone. I kindly accepted her apology, wished her well, but rejected her offer for coffee as I felt I wasn't ready. The end of our relationship ended up in a physical altercation with her breaking my finger and me calling the cops because I couldn't handle the situation.

She seemed to respect that position, but yesterday she asked if I still had a toy that I had ordered for her dog, and that she would buy it from me. I was on the defensive and told her I'd mail it to her COD, but transacting this in-person would be difficult as I'm not ready to meet face-to-face. She didn't seem to like that answer and started blaming me for having "trust issues" and that she hopes "I work out my issues" with my shrink. She made me out to feel crazy when in reality, she was the one with alcohol issues and an eating disorder. I fully recognize my own codependent behaviours and am currently in therapy for that.

I asked her to refrain from any further comments of this nature and explained to her that if she really wanted to buy the toy, she wouldn't have made these sorts of nasty comments out of left field and would've respected my wishes not to have contact. Well a couple more back and forth messages and she tells me to leave her alone as she "can't handle my emotional issues". She calls me defensive and says I'm reading in too much into the situation. Perhaps I was defensive but after what she did to me, I don't think I can be blamed for wanting to keep my distance and protect myself.

She is being a pain in the ass at this moment, as she seems to want to always leave something in my possession so that the door is open for further contact. She is "taking her time" with retrieving her files allthewhile I really just want every window of opportunity for her contacting me to be closed. She has gone so far as to threaten to take legal action for "destruction of property" if I delete her files.

Thoughts? Advice?

[jt8604]

I was NC for two weeks, and then I noticed that we still had files shared amongst eachother on Google drive. I was getting notifications as she was working on these files, so I messaged her asking to copy them to her own account so that I would not receive notifications of her working.

She took my contact opportunity as a time to "apologize" for her actions, take responsibility, and offer to have Coffee because she wanted to offer a sincere apology face-to-face. She said that this was not a ploy to get me back and that she was better off being alone. I kindly accepted her apology, wished her well, but rejected her offer for coffee as I felt I wasn't ready. The end of our relationship ended up in a physical altercation with her breaking my finger and me calling the cops because I couldn't handle the situation.

She seemed to respect that position, but yesterday she asked if I still had a toy that I had ordered for her dog, and that she would buy it from me. I was on the defensive and told her I'd mail it to her COD, but transacting this in-person would be difficult as I'm not ready to meet face-to-face. She didn't seem to like that answer and started blaming me for having "trust issues" and that she hopes "I work out my issues" with my shrink. She made me out to feel crazy when in reality, she was the one with alcohol issues and an eating disorder. I fully recognize my own codependent behaviours and am currently in therapy for that.

I asked her to refrain from any further comments of this nature and explained to her that if she really wanted to buy the toy, she wouldn't have made these sorts of nasty comments out of left field and would've respected my wishes not to have contact. Well a couple more back and forth messages and she tells me to leave her alone as she "can't handle my emotional issues". She calls me defensive and says I'm reading in too much into the situation. Perhaps I was defensive but after what she did to me, I don't think I can be blamed for wanting to keep my distance and protect myself.

She is being a pain in the ass at this moment, as she seems to want to always leave something in my possession so that the door is open for further contact. She is "taking her time" with retrieving her files allthewhile I really just want every window of opportunity for her contacting me to be closed. She has gone so far as to threaten to take legal action for "destruction of property" if I delete her files.

Thoughts? Advice?

[enlighten me]

You could always copy her files and email them to her. Then delete them from the account and lock her out.

That way you haven't destroyed them you've just returned them to her.

[jt8604]

You could always copy her files and email them to her. Then delete them from the account and lock her out.

That way you haven't destroyed them you've just returned them to her.

I told her I would send her a USB key with the files.

I appreciate the advice, but I was more so questioning the crazy ways in which she she redirected the blame and made me out to feel crazy. Is this normal? Is my response justified? All this second-guessing has me going nuts!

[enlighten me]

Normal when BPD is involved yes.

It always gets twisted around to be your fault. Had many messages of we need to talk which have turned into why do you bother contacting me if all you want to do is have a go.

Ive been accussed of having alzheimers, and needing psychological help. Its just part of the disorder.

Don't take it to heart. Its most likely that you didn't behave how she wanted and felt rejected so she just lashed out.