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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: did time seem to lose meaning to you?  (Read 500 times)
Infern0
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« on: September 11, 2014, 03:51:50 AM »

Coming out on the other side of this BPD nightmare it's like the last 6 months didn't even happen.  Like I can remember the weeks leading upto it all starting like it was yesterday but I barely remember anything that doesn't involve her from the last 6 months?

It's like someone just hit the skip chapter button on a remote and suddenly it's gone from March to September with nothing in between except her.

Really odd feeling.  Most of this year has gone missing Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)
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Blimblam
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« Reply #1 on: September 11, 2014, 04:09:06 AM »

I feel like I died a thousand deaths and was reborn. I realized that time is an illusion in eternity.
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Lolster
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« Reply #2 on: September 11, 2014, 04:10:40 AM »

I felt like time had no meaning whilst in the long term disordered relationship I was in, I was living day to day, trying to avoid abuse and function for my children. Then it continued to revolve around the ex after he was gone because I went to court as a witness for the police to press charges against him (he got off with that, which angered me at the time, but in hindsight the bail conditions of NC in the interim kept me safe although he did still contact me by text message he did keep away physically).

Prior to leaving the relationship I did take advice regarding the emotional/physical abuse (physical was limited) and kept a daily record of what was going on, which I typed and saved on my work PC so he couldn't access that.  

I remember finding and reading that a long time after.  I couldn't believe what I'd put up with, but I wasn't prepared to uproot my children and run away from our family home.  I'd recommend anyone write down what is happening, from an unemotional, detached point of view, it really helped me to see things for what they were, even days after events took place and I was still in that relationship.
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freedom33
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« Reply #3 on: September 11, 2014, 04:24:53 AM »

Since I met her June 2013 and until last month my life pretty much stopped and all the time in the middle feels like a bad dream. I dwelved into the underworld for 9 months (+3 in heaven during honeymoon). I stopped caring about my friends, my job my family. I saw a friend the other day and he said that I was unrecognisable to him the way I behaved and acted  over the last year particularly from month 3 when it all went downhill.
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Infern0
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« Reply #4 on: September 11, 2014, 04:39:13 AM »

Since I met her June 2013 and until last month my life pretty much stopped and all the time in the middle feels like a bad dream. I dwelved into the underworld for 9 months (+3 in heaven during honeymoon). I stopped caring about my friends, my job my family. I saw a friend the other day and he said that I was unrecognisable to him the way I behaved and acted  over the last year particularly from month 3 when it all went downhill.

Same here,  nothing else had any meaning to me. I'm frankly stunned that I held onto my job,  my productivity was beyond pathetic.
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freedom33
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« Reply #5 on: September 11, 2014, 07:08:05 AM »

Well done you kept your job. I had to resign. Unfortunately she was working at the same company. Once I submitted my resignation she submitted hers too after a week. I always wondered what that was about.
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Infern0
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« Reply #6 on: September 11, 2014, 07:16:06 AM »

Well done you kept your job. I had to resign. Unfortunately she was working at the same company. Once I submitted my resignation she submitted hers too after a week. I always wondered what that was about.

I was going to resign but my boss wouldn't accept it. She also works at the same company and we both got in trouble because of our interaction and I just wanted to leave but my boss talked me round. I have a good reputation at work until she got hired. Well thankfully everyone rallied around me when this all went down. She tried to attack me and make up lies but virtually everyone told her to get lost which sadly made her just be worse to me but still it's nice they stood up to her when I couldn't.  Anyway I think she will leave soon as she's been forbid by work to contact me and has no allies left.  She will be very uncomfortable.

It's a shame because I don't want her to have to leave her job and I even said that I didn't want anyone to judge her for what she put me through but they did anyway and she really did it to herself with her smear campaign which failed miserably and left her pretty much exposed.
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freedom33
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« Reply #7 on: September 11, 2014, 08:09:21 AM »

Similar story here. I was a rising star in the company and about to make it into the partnership (consulting). I could have bounced back but it was just intolerable to be with her in the same office. I was triggered every time I was going to work. She didn't have time for a smear campaign as she was leaving too and actually about the time I resigned she charmed me back in for another few months. But she had embarassed me to colleagues either through her behaviour (flirting with other colleagues) or directly by making nasty remarks in front of colleagues. That's when I had to set no contact boundaries at work. After all the things that happened, it was just completely uninspiring to go to the office anymore so I had to leave. Make a clean start.
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spottydog

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« Reply #8 on: September 11, 2014, 01:51:56 PM »

I was in the relationship with my uBPD husband for 18 years... .and yes I feel like I was in a fog the whole time. I remember lots of incidents, often on special occasions, birthdays, mothers day etc, but the actual concept of time was completely lost. I had just slipped into survival mode I guess. He has left me now, after several affairs and guess what? When he told me the marriage was over, he had already  lined up my replacement, ready and waiting... .only to be expected . To be honest once I get over the initial shock, I will probably be quite relieved to be out of it. The stress and constant confusion is way too much to bear on a daily basis.
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