Shaking the misery - Being ready to accept others?

[Trog]

Hello

I'm new to the forum and although I am still in a lot of pain, I am at least 100% certain there is no going back. I seperated from my wife four months ago after a psychotic episode finally alerted me that things had gone beyond crazy, previously we had been thinking of starting a family, and were only married 18 months before this event just pushed me over the edge, even if I didn't have enough self worth to save myself I couldn't allow myself to bring a child into our messed up relationship (especially as the child of two parents with a messed up relationship).

I've the same story as many of you on here, I place a lot of value on being a "good" partner but none of the things I did, unless huge sacrifices that she requested, were greeted with the pats on the head i craved, the relationship was crazy making and I'm now left in a weird limbo world trying to remember what is right and wrong, what I used to like, picking up my old friends and trying to make new ones after being emotionally isolated. I'm certain I don't want to try again, I've been in and out of that relationship 3 times, but I just can't imagine, even inspite of clear emotional abuse that has left me a shadow of my former self and completely lost, I can't imagine being with anyone else, not physically, not emotionally, I'm just numb. I really want to make friends with people, but the thought of touching another woman, I just don't want to and I'm worried I'm going to feel that way forever.

How can I shake this? I don't want her, yet I don't want anyone else, and I'm very lonely. It's pretty miserable.

[Tiepje3]

Well... .for one... .you're not lonely in the way you feel. I bet there are more people (besides me) that feel the same way you do. I also feel like I'm never going to meet someone like my uBPDstbxh (when he was 'good', cannot even think about having to be intimate with anyone else (they wouldn't be able to compare). It's a long road.

You have to go right through the grief and misery, there is no other way. But don't blame yourself for feeling miserable, it is part of the healing process.

A virtual hug for you.