NC breaking campaign

[Depression = 72% of members]

I have been NC 1 month now. After a series of arguments we were having during a weekend away together in August I had reached my limit. I told her to not talk to me and not to call me again that we are finished and left.

After that she sent me some texts to which I didn't respond and then I sent her a very sober and brief email - no sentimentality or harshness - to end things more civilised asking her that I need no contact, to take care of myself and that we both need time to explore out what happened between us and heal from this broken relationship that has caused us so much suffering.  After that she blocked me on facebook (I had already defriended her).

We were supposed to go on holiday together yesterday to a mediterranean country. She sent me an email a few weeks ago saying that if I was serious about breaking up with her I should compensate her for her holiday flights. Since we are not sharing a room, she said she doesn't have money to pay for accomodation by herself (not true), so she won't be able to go now and I am responsible and I should pay her.   I didn't respond. She called me the day before yesterday (probably about the holiday) from an unknown number and once I realised who she was I hang up.

Today, I just woke up only to find two whatsapp messages. One saying 'many kisses babe... .' in the local country language that we were supposed to go on holiday to and the other message was an image. I didn't open whatsapp - I saw the content of the text from the notification that came through - and found the strength to delete the app despite my curiousity to see the image. After this I also went to facebook and saw she unblocked me now, so I took the opportunity to block her so she can't contact me from there either. She broke NC at least 5 different occasions the last month.

But this last Whatsapp incidence feels worse than her other attempts. Look how much fun I am having here without you. The country she went solo to is also where I am originally from. Her contact may not be punishing but it does feel so. It also felt punishing when she 'd cancel our weekend plans in the last minute for reason x, I 'd hold my anger and swallow it, and then she 'd go to a festival or go out to a gig with friends instead - contradicting reason x - and then sent me messages of how much fun she was having while I was home trying to manage my anger. Perhaps she was oblivious to the impact she had on me. Perhaps there is simply no concern for others but not any malice. Or she was doing it on purpose - There have been occasions that I can remember that she was beyond doubt vindictive. I don't know. It could be either.  I will never know.

As I am typing this she just sent me a viber message! Good lord... .She says she is meeting with a girl friend of hers now and wants to meet me at the main city square later. Deep breath, calm down... .I just blocked her from viber too.

Now picking up the pieces... .she is in my home country, getting some sun, having fun, flirting with other guys while I am here broken, lost my job, no money and can barely go through some of the days. It feels raw. But I also in a weird way overcoming the temptation, I feel more empowered having done again the right thing for myself.

[freedom33]

I have been NC 1 month now. After a series of arguments we were having during a weekend away together in August I had reached my limit. I told her to not talk to me and not to call me again that we are finished and left.

After that she sent me some texts to which I didn't respond and then I sent her a very sober and brief email - no sentimentality or harshness - to end things more civilised asking her that I need no contact, to take care of myself and that we both need time to explore out what happened between us and heal from this broken relationship that has caused us so much suffering.  After that she blocked me on facebook (I had already defriended her).

We were supposed to go on holiday together yesterday to a mediterranean country. She sent me an email a few weeks ago saying that if I was serious about breaking up with her I should compensate her for her holiday flights. Since we are not sharing a room, she said she doesn't have money to pay for accomodation by herself (not true), so she won't be able to go now and I am responsible and I should pay her.   I didn't respond. She called me the day before yesterday (probably about the holiday) from an unknown number and once I realised who she was I hang up.

Today, I just woke up only to find two whatsapp messages. One saying 'many kisses babe... .' in the local country language that we were supposed to go on holiday to and the other message was an image. I didn't open whatsapp - I saw the content of the text from the notification that came through - and found the strength to delete the app despite my curiousity to see the image. After this I also went to facebook and saw she unblocked me now, so I took the opportunity to block her so she can't contact me from there either. She broke NC at least 5 different occasions the last month.

But this last Whatsapp incidence feels worse than her other attempts. Look how much fun I am having here without you. The country she went solo to is also where I am originally from. Her contact may not be punishing but it does feel so. It also felt punishing when she 'd cancel our weekend plans in the last minute for reason x, I 'd hold my anger and swallow it, and then she 'd go to a festival or go out to a gig with friends instead - contradicting reason x - and then sent me messages of how much fun she was having while I was home trying to manage my anger. Perhaps she was oblivious to the impact she had on me. Perhaps there is simply no concern for others but not any malice. Or she was doing it on purpose - There have been occasions that I can remember that she was beyond doubt vindictive. I don't know. It could be either.  I will never know.

As I am typing this she just sent me a viber message! Good lord... .She says she is meeting with a girl friend of hers now and wants to meet me at the main city square later. Deep breath, calm down... .I just blocked her from viber too.

Now picking up the pieces... .she is in my home country, getting some sun, having fun, flirting with other guys while I am here broken, lost my job, no money and can barely go through some of the days. It feels raw. But I also in a weird way overcoming the temptation, I feel more empowered having done again the right thing for myself.

[fromheeltoheal]

I feel more empowered having done again the right thing for myself.

Good for you!  The process of taking our lives back starts with standing up for yourself in the relationship, saying enough is enough, making a decision, and acting on it, and you did.  Congratulations!  And as you've noticed a borderline will chase, put bait out there, try and lure you back, and you've shown resolve there too.

Actually the most pain for me was after I left her and wasn't speaking to her anymore; I had to deal with the death of a fantasy, the ideal relationship with her I had created in my head that didn't exist, along with all of the anger that came up about the way I was treated, which I repressed in the relationship, well it was still there, and boy did it ever come up.  So all of that was painful, but had to be worked through, and obviously having communication of any kind with her would not have helped and would have slowed down the detachment.  Time right now to double your resolve and settle in for some serious healing.  Take care of you!

[freedom33]

Thanks fromheeltoheal. Her campaign is relentless. What is infuriating is the fact that she comes back with messages as if nothing happened - I mean goldfish have better memory than her. To be frank, nothing massively major happened when I broke up with her last month. It was a relatively minor incident that escalated as she was baiting me to push me away (there is a pull bait and a push bait). I did pick the push bait in the end, got angry and desperate, said I had enough and left. I think it was accumulated anger and resentment  on my side over the course of a year. I gave up, she won, she was right, everyone abandons her in the end... .What a shame... .

[fromheeltoheal]

What is infuriating is the fact that she comes back with messages as if nothing happened - I mean goldfish have better memory than her.

My ex did that too; turn on the sugar when the previous 'interaction' was not good, not good at all.  I came to learn that it wasn't a lack of memory, she remembered everything just fine, at least her version of it, it was pure panic.  She felt me slipping away, which was accurate, so she'd get extra busy trying to be someone I was infatuated with and couldn't leave, really pathetic actually, but it did work in the beginning, before I understood that being left was the worst thing that could happen for her, and she was literally freaking out and trying to not let that happen.  Lately I've been focusing on healthy relationships, and if ours was one, she'd just flat out tell me she was terrified of abandonment and we'd work through it together.  Not an option... .

I gave up, she won, she was right, everyone abandons her in the end... .What a shame... .

Yep, self fulfilling prophesy, and it is a shame, but we did what we could.  Take care of you!

[PhoenixBlack]

For what it's worth, I think you did great. I can only hope that I'm as strong as that I'f I were ever put in that position. I don't know how you did it. Don't break. And remember… she's not having a great time without you. They are suffering horribly and this girl is no exception.