nothing is ever good enough

[kharma]

Currently I've been working fulltime, and i have a second part time job. prior to that I had a measley part time with scarce hours. she would routinely tell me I was a lazy bum and say that i didnt want to work a real job. now that i have two jobs, she has been telling me im working too much, and that i dont care about her or the family. she's been harassing me and starting fights with me alot about the money im making. saying that i should have more money than what i have, and that maybe i should quit what im doing for a 'real job'. she makes no sense. what is up with the flakiness?

[clljhns]

Hi kharma,

Does sound very confusing. Can you elaborate on who "she" is? Is this your partner or mom?

I don't know the history between you and this person, but is it possible that through two jobs you will have more independence and less time for this person? I am just wondering, as BPD's generally need constant attention and demand that their needs be met, whether they are rational needs or not (quit your job, so you can be home with me; get another job that makes more money so I can have what I want). I don't know if these are the reasons behind what you are hearing, just some ideas.

Peace and blessings.

[HappyChappy]

Khama, your situation sounds torturous and my hart goes out to you.  Having read many of your post you have certainly had to put up with way to much abusive behaviour, sounds like you’re the scapegoat.  From what you write you have double trouble in that both your parents show extreme Narcisstic behaviour.  Your reaction to this is understandable and it appears to be tearing you apart. Be assured, the behaviour you describe is very Narcissi and so will probably continue.

The bit I just don’t get Khama (probably because I’m not a Therapist) is why you stay there? These people are physiologically punching you in the face day after day. You have no way of recovering. Every post to write is full of terror. You have to give yourself a break. That does not mean going NC forever, but it does mean giving yourself an environment in which you can heal. Maybe start with a holiday, so you’ve got a least a couple of weeks to sit back and plan. What is the worst thing that could happen if you just went away on holiday or just moved out to live somewhere else ? Wishing you pease.

[funfunctional]

Hi Kharma,

Assuming you are a young person living with parents... .I would say keep working with the goal of moving out.     

As soon as you are trying to regain your balance and set a goal she is "unbalancing" you.   This parent is overbearing and overcritical because they are not happy with their own choices in life and seem to want to keep you DOWN so they feel important or better or always the adult in charge.  NO, they don't know what is better for you.     If I saw my kid working all those hours I would maybe voice some concern over health but otherwise I would let my kid figure it out.    We are SUPPOSED to work hard when we are younger to BUILD our own life.    Gain independance. This doesn't mean that after we gain that indepenance we won't be part of a family.

Until you take charge of your own life and stick with YOUR plan this will go on forever.    There will be NO pleasing this person.      I am wondering if your parent suffers from the "my babies are growing up" issue and maybe needs to find their own new purpose in life?

Lots of guesses... .but hopefully helpful.