Stalking - what's next?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

6 weeks NC. I have blocked her from every social media app in the world. She contacted friends and also a wife's friend talking bad about me behind my back. They blocked her too. Today I just woke up receiving a phone call from my ex long term partner of seven years whom my xBPDgf was jealous of.  We broke up amicably - no hard feelings - just our lives took different paths. (Talk about heathy break-ups and closure).

Anyway, she called me to say that a woman has contacted her in facebook saying that she (my xBPD) is worried about me and whether or not my ex partner was with me. My xpartner didn't know anything about my xgf - we have not talked since last year - but then she thought that maybe something happened to me and that  is why this person was contacting her. To give her some sort of 'bad news' in case that my ex partner was still with me. But my ex partner is a smart cookie so she didn't give any info and called me immediately. I explained to her the current situation and she has now blocked her too.

It seems that my xBPDgf finds it impossible to accept that it was her behaviour that drove me away. She's got to find something a reason and someone to blame i.e. that I left her for another woman and then go to her usual victim mode. At our second date told me that her only other previous long-term relationship broke up with her one day by going NC/telling her to never contact him again. I said wow! what happened? She said I don't know he probably found another woman.

Then she went into therapy and has been for more than a decade. It is amazing how little insight she has gathered since. I also saw written in one of her journals once that she knows that I know that I am bad for her but I won't leave her till I find another woman? I am here 2 months away and don't really want to see another woman for many many months to come and I was one of the best things that ever happened to my xBPDgf.

What a disorted reality she lives in. She will just keep going in life like this. Pushing away the people she loves and love her back with all their heart and when the sht hits the fun she 'd genuine go on believing that they abandoned her for another woman. What a terrible destiny. Sometimes I fantasize of her finding out about this place bpdfamily and these posts of min e and reading them and get some insight - talk about wishful thinking. The NC thing was the hardest thing I have done in my life. It was like cutting off my own arm suffering from gangrene to save my life. I performed my own psychic amputation. It hurts.

[freedom33]

6 weeks NC. I have blocked her from every social media app in the world. She contacted friends and also a wife's friend talking bad about me behind my back. They blocked her too. Today I just woke up receiving a phone call from my ex long term partner of seven years whom my xBPDgf was jealous of.  We broke up amicably - no hard feelings - just our lives took different paths. (Talk about heathy break-ups and closure).

Anyway, she called me to say that a woman has contacted her in facebook saying that she (my xBPD) is worried about me and whether or not my ex partner was with me. My xpartner didn't know anything about my xgf - we have not talked since last year - but then she thought that maybe something happened to me and that  is why this person was contacting her. To give her some sort of 'bad news' in case that my ex partner was still with me. But my ex partner is a smart cookie so she didn't give any info and called me immediately. I explained to her the current situation and she has now blocked her too.

It seems that my xBPDgf finds it impossible to accept that it was her behaviour that drove me away. She's got to find something a reason and someone to blame i.e. that I left her for another woman and then go to her usual victim mode. At our second date told me that her only other previous long-term relationship broke up with her one day by going NC/telling her to never contact him again. I said wow! what happened? She said I don't know he probably found another woman.

Then she went into therapy and has been for more than a decade. It is amazing how little insight she has gathered since. I also saw written in one of her journals once that she knows that I know that I am bad for her but I won't leave her till I find another woman? I am here 2 months away and don't really want to see another woman for many many months to come and I was one of the best things that ever happened to my xBPDgf.

What a disorted reality she lives in. She will just keep going in life like this. Pushing away the people she loves and love her back with all their heart and when the sht hits the fun she 'd genuine go on believing that they abandoned her for another woman. What a terrible destiny. Sometimes I fantasize of her finding out about this place bpdfamily and these posts of min e and reading them and get some insight - talk about wishful thinking. The NC thing was the hardest thing I have done in my life. It was like cutting off my own arm suffering from gangrene to save my life. I performed my own psychic amputation. It hurts.

[Infern0]

Yeah they seem to all end up in therapy if they can't secure a new supply.

Stay NC,  she may get herself into therapy again and maybe it'll do some good this time

[freedom33]

She is still in therapy and has been for 10 years now.

[Infared]

She is still in therapy and has been for 10 years now.

Good therapists are hard to come by... .plus the patient has to want to find a problem and then actively work at making changes. In my experience pwBPD don't do this. I think that they are not capable.

I sought out the guidance and support of a therapist based on my part in what had happened after my ex ran off with new supply. I embrace good therapy.

My expwBPD went to therapy (I kept suggesting to her and her parents that she go... .) and she apparently just told her therapist lie after lie. She told many lies about me.

She also simply lied by omission (well... if we don't mention a problem there isn't one right.). I see a lot of that being due to massive shame.

I was invited to a "closure" session. (There were supposed to be 6 sessions). Boy did I walk into the gauntlet. My ex plays cute/innocent and tells lies and manipulates. This is just what she had done with the therapist.

(She had cheated on me and run off with new supply a week before Christmas). Her therapist did not know any of this. Her therapist also judged me based on my exe's skewed untruths? (Really bad therapist)...

Basically my ex had set this whole thing up so that I was walking into a bizarre surprise ambush?  she is sitting there, telling lies, hanging her head down in shame and the therapist is backing her up and attacking me... .It was bizarre. This woman had just met me that day? I was just stunned... .left there in tears. Did not go back. That was the last time I was in the presence of my ex... .unless she was doing a drive-by   or something.

It's soo sad... .they just go on and on causing mess after mess, believing that it is all someone else's fault. Time after time.

I think my ex thought that she had a successful therapy session?  She manipulated it to her advantage... .success, right?

Not sure. I just stay absolute NC for my well being.

[freedom33]

I know the feeling Infared. I broke up with her on month 4 and when I returned back after a month of LC, we went to couples therapy. My friends were dumbfounded... .Who goes to couple's therapy in month 5?

At couple's therapy we didn't last more than the 6 sessions. The therapist gave up on session 5. It's kind of funny actually. The T wasn't very good and became evidently upset as the circular discussions drove her mad... .She fired us. I am literally at a cafe typing and remembering it all and I am cracking up  .  

She said that we are unsuited to each other. That she is too sensitive and that when I start I just can't stop. She was referring to one day that I just had to vent. I was hearing her lies and remake of history session after session and kept bottling it and during the last session I exploded like a pressure cooker.

I know how it feels to sit there and take sht session after session. The upside was that during the sessions I could hear my ex's perspective on things and I realised that the perspective of our reality was from different planets all together. Mind opener was to see that she was genuinely mad and believing most of her distorted reality 100%... .It helped me to see the hopelesness of trying to be with her.

I am now realising the audacity of what she did! Getting in touch with my ex! I mean What the heck? What does she think she will achieve for heaven's sake? Is she that desperately dysregulated?

I am in strict NC for 6 weeks but I am tempted to send her an email with just the following.

'My ex called me worried. She told me you contacted her. Have you completely lost it?'

I won't do it. But the temptation is there.

[Aussie0zborn]

It seems that my xBPDgf finds it impossible to accept that it was her behaviour that drove me away. She's got to find something a reason and someone to blame i.e. that I left her for another woman and then go to her usual victim mode.

Yes, mine did the same thing when I left her once. Went searching everywhere to see what I had said about her, what I was doing "behind her back" contacting my ex-wife, my daughter, my ex-wife's children, my friends, my sister via a fake FB account, etc etc. all to find out why I left.

I actually told her why I would be leaving and although she was dumbfounded and speechless for the first time ever when I had caught her out on so many things, including stealing my check book which she did "in case she needed money" she did not accept one part of it and didn't believe I would leave. The behaviour continued so... .I left. At no time did she accept responsibility for her behaviour. It was nothing she had done that forced my hand... .I must have had another woman!

That should have been enough to not go back but I felt sorry for her. Anyway, they just don't get it, do they? Stay NC. Good luck.

[Infared]

I know the feeling Infared. I broke up with her on month 4 and when I returned back after a month of LC, we went to couples therapy. My friends were dumbfounded... .Who goes to couple's therapy in month 5?

At couple's therapy we didn't last more than the 6 sessions. The therapist gave up on session 5. It's kind of funny actually. The T wasn't very good and became evidently upset as the circular discussions drove her mad... .She fired us. I am literally at a cafe typing and remembering it all and I am cracking up  .  

She said that we are unsuited to each other. That she is too sensitive and that when I start I just can't stop. She was referring to one day that I just had to vent. I was hearing her lies and remake of history session after session and kept bottling it and during the last session I exploded like a pressure cooker.

I know how it feels to sit there and take sht session after session. The upside was that during the sessions I could hear my ex's perspective on things and I realised that the perspective of our reality was from different planets all together. Mind opener was to see that she was genuinely mad and believing most of her distorted reality 100%... .It helped me to see the hopelesness of trying to be with her.

I am now realising the audacity of what she did! Getting in touch with my ex! I mean What the heck? What does she think she will achieve for heaven's sake? Is she that desperately dysregulated?

I am in strict NC for 6 weeks but I am tempted to send her an email with just the following.

'My ex called me worried. She told me you contacted her. Have you completely lost it?'

I won't do it. But the temptation is there.

Yeah... .she knows NOTHING about boundaries... .none of them do.