What does this poem mean to you?

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Now... My ex split from me again, replaced me in 9 days with a guy she only knew for a week.  She looks happy and whatnot.  REALLY happy.  But each time shes about to break N/C she posts depressing crap.  I don't want her back.  but i do want to know what her stupid emo poem means to you.  She's very corny, and cheesy and emo.  She just posted this poem on instagram.  She has a new bf whos apparently so amazing.  So what does this poem mean?  Depression?  Love?  Happiness?

I just feel so alone

and it's not that i need someone

well, it is

but not someone certain

just someone who will give me the love,

that i crave.

Anyone.

But I haven't been loved for a long time.

and I realize that now. I have shut everybody out

until there were nobody left

to love me.

I know now

that I am human

that I, too,

need a lovers touch

and kind words.

That I am no different.

That I crave Affection

... .

I don't like being human.

[Algae]

Now... My ex split from me again, replaced me in 9 days with a guy she only knew for a week.  She looks happy and whatnot.  REALLY happy.  But each time shes about to break N/C she posts depressing crap.  I don't want her back.  but i do want to know what her stupid emo poem means to you.  She's very corny, and cheesy and emo.  She just posted this poem on instagram.  She has a new bf whos apparently so amazing.  So what does this poem mean?  Depression?  Love?  Happiness?

I just feel so alone

and it's not that i need someone

well, it is

but not someone certain

just someone who will give me the love,

that i crave.

Anyone.

But I haven't been loved for a long time.

and I realize that now. I have shut everybody out

until there were nobody left

to love me.

I know now

that I am human

that I, too,

need a lovers touch

and kind words.

That I am no different.

That I crave Affection

... .

I don't like being human.

[drummerboy]

This poem is designed to get attention. She's hoping her friends see it and say "are you ok"

They have the emotional maturity of a 5 year old

They are totally self absorbed.

They have been hurt deeply whilst young.

They have no sense of self

Their emotions are facts to them

They live in a fantasy world, they create heroes in their heads, that no one can fulfil.

They know that they are the problem but they can't/won't do anything about it.

[Pou]

Algae, the poem to me sounds like she is a mess.  it sounds to me that she doesn't know who she is, what she wants, and when she has what she wants - she doesn't know it, and etc.  The poem screams to me that if you are with her, don't count on her to be anything for you.  I say, it is good that now she is an ex for you and good luck moving on.  This is just my 2cents.

[Algae]

This poem is designed to get attention. She's hoping her friends see it and say "are you ok"

They have the emotional maturity of a 5 year old

They are totally self absorbed.

They have been hurt deeply whilst young.

They have no sense of self

Their emotions are facts to them

They live in a fantasy world, they create heroes in their heads, that no one can fulfil.

They know that they are the problem but they can't/won't do anything about it.

So then she knows shes a piece of ___ that hurt me and that she was wrong and whatnot?  Then why paint me black?  And I do agree it was to get attention.  I mean but from who?  Her new bf that talks to her all day?

Algae, the poem to me sounds like she is a mess.  it sounds to me that she doesn't know who she is, what she wants, and when she has what she wants - she doesn't know it, and etc.  The poem screams to me that if you are with her, don't count on her to be anything for you.  I say, it is good that now she is an ex for you and good luck moving on.  This is just my 2cents.

I agree it does sound like a mess.  I just don't understand why someone so happy would post something so weird.  She didnt write it obviously... shes just one of those girls who sees poems and posts the ones she thinks she relates too.

She's happy apparently... so why even post something so public?

[Pou]

This poem is designed to get attention. She's hoping her friends see it and say "are you ok"

They have the emotional maturity of a 5 year old

They are totally self absorbed.

They have been hurt deeply whilst young.

They have no sense of self

Their emotions are facts to them

They live in a fantasy world, they create heroes in their heads, that no one can fulfil.

They know that they are the problem but they can't/won't do anything about it.

So then she knows shes a piece of ___ that hurt me and that she was wrong and whatnot?  Then why paint me black?  And I do agree it was to get attention.  I mean but from who?  Her new bf that talks to her all day?

Algae, because she has no sense of self, she has no sense of you.  She sees you and her current boyfriend as "one" general thing that she dealt and dealing with.  so I don't think you can take it personally for whatever happened and happening with her.  That is my take on it.

[drummerboy]

They are NEVER happy, they have periods where they convince themselves that they are happy but its a facade that they believe. They constantly seek attention, they always want the spotlight on them. They want people to validate them. Their life is constant pain and turmoil even when they have their happy face on.

She's happy apparently... so why even post something so public?

[Algae]

They are NEVER happy, they have periods where they convince themselves that they are happy but its a facade that they believe. They constantly seek attention, they always want the spotlight on them. They want people to validate them. Their life is constant pain and turmoil even when they have their happy face on.

She's happy apparently... so why even post something so public?

Then i would guess the best way to compare them would be... almost the same as a newborn baby crying for attention even though theyre getting it. 

She wants attention... even though shes getting it from my replacement.

And she's acting happy even though... she's not and most likely wont admit shes not.

what kind of gratification does she get from this attention of posting a poem that most likely nobody will notice .-. . 

[rockinne]

Your girlfriend is nothing more than an emotional vampire.  This poem is telling you and everyone else with whom she has a relationship that you are nothing more than her supply. She manipulates you into thinking that it is love that she needs.  But, once you allow yourself to be attached to her, you are in her control and through her manipulation is able to cause you to feel that you are the one in control.  In the meantime, she is sucking you dry of your healthy emotions, your dignity, your self esteem and your happiness.  She is able to manipulate you into thinking that you are the only one who can rescue her from all the cruelty and misery of the world caused by everyone else around her.  She is able to pit you against them and in then eventually isolate you from your own friends and family.  And she will exploit your values and how you feel about yourself and accuse you of terrible things that you never actually did.  You will do your best to defend and justify yourself, but she will dismiss reality and is able to make you feel shame and guilt and strip you of any dignity that may have remained.  You will never be able to rescue her, as she makes you feel is your responsibility.  The only thing she needs rescue from is herself. You have become her enabler.  You are her supply.   

[Algae]

Your girlfriend is nothing more than an emotional vampire.  This poem is telling you and everyone else with whom she has a relationship that you are nothing more than her supply. She manipulates you into thinking that it is love that she needs.  But, once you allow yourself to be attached to her, you are in her control and through her manipulation is able to cause you to feel that you are the one in control.  In the meantime, she is sucking you dry of your healthy emotions, your dignity, your self esteem and your happiness.  She is able to manipulate you into thinking that you are the only one who can rescue her from all the cruelty and misery of the world caused by everyone else around her.  She is able to pit you against them and in then eventually isolate you from your own friends and family.  And she will exploit your values and how you feel about yourself and accuse you of terrible things that you never actually did.  You will do your best to defend and justify yourself, but she will dismiss reality and is able to make you feel shame and guilt and strip you of any dignity that may have remained.  You will never be able to rescue her, as she makes you feel is your responsibility.  The only thing she needs rescue from is herself. You have become her enabler.  You are her supply.   

I suppose this makes sense.  I guess there will never ever be a way to make her actually value anyone else or feel guilty for anything she has done. :/ 

[rockinne]

Sorry to be so blunt, Algea.  But, I think it's necessary to accept those we felt so much love for, and tried so hard to make happy, for just what they really are.  I empathize with what you are feeling after having experienced it myself.  Unfortunately, after all we have gone through in those toxic relationships, they are better off without us in their lives, and we are better off without them, and liberated from their hell on earth they are living and sucked us into.  If you are like me though, you have also experienced some growth from the relationship, and are discovering things about yourself that you would have never otherwise been able to. 

[Harri]

Hi algae.  Poems like that are all over my facebook news feed.  Sometimes I swear the world is crazy and we are in big big trouble.  Since she did not write this herself, I am not sure what kind of conclusions we can really come to other than putting her into a general  category of clueless emo people who haven't a clue about how to be happy alone and have a warped view of love and relationships.  Posting the poem is an all too common and pathetic cry for attention.

As to her being happy with the new guy... .remember she was that way with you too.  Sadly, she is not capable of being truly happy or connecting to anyone.  Do not take it personally. 

[swiftkick]

I wonder if it's a "fake it till you make it" kind of happiness?  My stbxh has done that during several phases of his life, and it has worked well for him.  But that's not how relationships work, and eventually, when we fail to take on the responsibility of keeping them happy or disappoint them in some way, they're resentful because they put so much work in (faking it), and it didn't pay off... .because they are still unhappy.

[myself]

It could be she had a moment where she shared the truth of how she really feels. Instead of posting some phony feel-good crap, covering it up, she laid it all out there. Seeking attention? Yes. Probably. But that's not always such a bad thing. Someone else's words are OK, and can speak for us in some ways. Say it better than we could have, perhaps. Song lyrics and poems we relate to are like mirrors to us. When we share them, we're saying, "See what I see here. See me." She was showing something kind of deep, I think.

Where does she go from there, though?

[Caredverymuch]

Now... My ex split from me again, replaced me in 9 days with a guy she only knew for a week.  She looks happy and whatnot.  REALLY happy.  But each time shes about to break N/C she posts depressing crap.  I don't want her back.  but i do want to know what her stupid emo poem means to you.  She's very corny, and cheesy and emo.  She just posted this poem on instagram.  She has a new bf whos apparently so amazing.  So what does this poem mean?  Depression?  Love?  Happiness?

I just feel so alone

and it's not that i need someone

well, it is

but not someone certain

just someone who will give me the love,

that i crave.

Anyone.

But I haven't been loved for a long time.

and I realize that now. I have shut everybody out

until there were nobody left

to love me.

I know now

that I am human

that I, too,

need a lovers touch

and kind words.

That I am no different.

That I crave Affection

... .

I don't like being human.

Sounds somewhat self aware in shutting everyone out. But more attention seeking.  When things like this are posted on social media, it's for attention.

[goldylamont]

Now... My ex split from me again, replaced me in 9 days with a guy she only knew for a week.  She looks happy and whatnot.  REALLY happy.  But each time shes about to break N/C she posts depressing crap.  I don't want her back.  but i do want to know what her stupid emo poem means to you.  She's very corny, and cheesy and emo.  She just posted this poem on instagram.  She has a new bf whos apparently so amazing.  So what does this poem mean?  Depression?  Love?  Happiness?

I just feel so alone

and it's not that i need someone

well, it is

but not someone certain

just someone who will give me the love,

that i crave.

Anyone.

But I haven't been loved for a long time.

and I realize that now. I have shut everybody out

until there were nobody left

to love me.

I know now

that I am human

that I, too,

need a lovers touch

and kind words.

That I am no different.

That I crave Affection

... .

I don't like being human.

personally i see this poem as a rare moment of insight. to me it sounds honest and reflective of how many pwBPD feel. she feels alone. she has a misunderstood need for someone **ANYONE** to give her attention. she admits to shutting people out. admits to craving Affection. says that she doesn't like being who she is (a human).

i don't really see this as being false or fake. this is how she feels. what you have to realize is that this confirms many of the things we discuss here. no, your ex isn't sitting around worried about how she made you feel or how bad she treated you. maybe sometimes the thought pops up, but in general it seems they could care less about who they've abused in the past as they are only concerned with how they feel now. yeah, it's distorted for sure. but if anything i say the words seem to ring true. and you can gather how little you as a person matter to her by the fact that she says that "Anyone" would do as a stand in to meet her needs of a "lovers touch".

[Algae]

Now... My ex split from me again, replaced me in 9 days with a guy she only knew for a week.  She looks happy and whatnot.  REALLY happy.  But each time shes about to break N/C she posts depressing crap.  I don't want her back.  but i do want to know what her stupid emo poem means to you.  She's very corny, and cheesy and emo.  She just posted this poem on instagram.  She has a new bf whos apparently so amazing.  So what does this poem mean?  Depression?  Love?  Happiness?

I just feel so alone

and it's not that i need someone

well, it is

but not someone certain

just someone who will give me the love,

that i crave.

Anyone.

But I haven't been loved for a long time.

and I realize that now. I have shut everybody out

until there were nobody left

to love me.

I know now

that I am human

that I, too,

need a lovers touch

and kind words.

That I am no different.

That I crave Affection

... .

I don't like being human.

personally i see this poem as a rare moment of insight. to me it sounds honest and reflective of how many pwBPD feel. she feels alone. she has a misunderstood need for someone **ANYONE** to give her attention. she admits to shutting people out. admits to craving Affection. says that she doesn't like being who she is (a human).

i don't really see this as being false or fake. this is how she feels. what you have to realize is that this confirms many of the things we discuss here. no, your ex isn't sitting around worried about how she made you feel or how bad she treated you. maybe sometimes the thought pops up, but in general it seems they could care less about who they've abused in the past as they are only concerned with how they feel now. yeah, it's distorted for sure. but if anything i say the words seem to ring true. and you can gather how little you as a person matter to her by the fact that she says that "Anyone" would do as a stand in to meet her needs of a "lovers touch".

Yeah she always tends to post stuff like this when she splits from me.  It takes about a month or 2 for her to fall into her sadness again but when she does... she makes sure everyone knows it.

[Algae]

Problem... .

I knw she's about to break :l.  Shes doing nothing but posting emo quotes about how she hates life and cutting quotes and is depressed.  Everytime she does that, she always comes crying back to me.

Idk what i'm going to do when she breaks n/c

[goldylamont]

In a way you seem to know more about what she will do than what you would do. If you have not already, are you ready to block her before she reaches out? Or does this feel too drastic? How close do you feel you are to reengaging with her if she reaches out?

[Algae]

In a way you seem to know more about what she will do than what you would do. If you have not already, are you ready to block her before she reaches out? Or does this feel too drastic? How close do you feel you are to reengaging with her if she reaches out?

True I do know a LOT about what she will do.  I feel blocking her is too drastic because it feels like there wasn't any closure.  I also want to see if this person REALLY REALLY cares (which they don't), I want to see how far theyre willing to go to get me back.  Because I for one, would take a plane and do some stuff from a movie to get her back if it ever came to that... and if she can't do the same then Im done.

And if she reaches out, Ill probably ignore her for a good few days.  And if she CONTINUES to reach out then I know she's trying.  I'll probably say, "what".  And I'll probably tell her that if she wants to apologize to meet me in person... and all I want to do is to tell her how ___ed up she is... give her 100 articles saying that she is BPD ( I really don't know how I should go about telling her I think she is BPD... but I KNOW SHE IS for a fact)... and I want to spit in her face.)

[BlackHoleSun]

Obviously the poem pretty much sums up BPD. Scared of being alone but scared of being with someone. Need someone but resent needing someone. Crave love, attention and affection but struggle to trust genuine love, attention and affection. Not feeling like they fit in and belong. Feeling like they aren't human.

Sounds to me your ex is self aware. She knows there is something wrong.

[goldylamont]

In a way you seem to know more about what she will do than what you would do. If you have not already, are you ready to block her before she reaches out? Or does this feel too drastic? How close do you feel you are to reengaging with her if she reaches out?

True I do know a LOT about what she will do.  I feel blocking her is too drastic because it feels like there wasn't any closure.  I also want to see if this person REALLY REALLY cares (which they don't), I want to see how far theyre willing to go to get me back.  Because I for one, would take a plane and do some stuff from a movie to get her back if it ever came to that... and if she can't do the same then Im done.

And if she reaches out, Ill probably ignore her for a good few days.  And if she CONTINUES to reach out then I know she's trying.  I'll probably say, "what".  And I'll probably tell her that if she wants to apologize to meet me in person... and all I want to do is to tell her how ___ed up she is... give her 100 articles saying that she is BPD ( I really don't know how I should go about telling her I think she is BPD... but I KNOW SHE IS for a fact)... and I want to spit in her face.)

this is an understandable urge. you want revenge. in a way it's healthy that you are starting to explore your anger, as now you are beginning to accept that things are over for good. so you are a little further down the line, you aren't completely excusing her behavior. however i don't think you are fully convinced yet either.

it would be an understatement to say that reengaging with her will be far more damaging to you than to her. especially now because of how attached you are and your emotional state.

ask yourself these questions:

1) could you turn off your feelings for her on a dime if necessary? easily become completely cold if you felt the need?

2) do you have another partner right now to turn to if she doesn't give you want you want from this interaction? meaning do you have another romantic/sexual/intimate partner at this moment to satisfy you if your ex doesn't comply with your desires?

3) are you willing to go to war with your ex using any means necessary (moral or amoral) to 'win' this exchange?

4) have you ever done this to someone before and felt victorious about it?

if you answered No to any of these questions then you are at a serious disadvantage trying to seek revenge on your ex by direct confrontation. she could likely answer a solid Yes to all of these questions and would be sure to have this all in place before reengaging with you. it's likely she's dealt with this situation plenty of times before, do you think you are the first ex she's been abusive to? the first ex that wanted her to apologize, recycle or be friends? she's most likely seen this situation before so she knows how to come out 'on top'.

namely she has other supply if you don't meet her needs (#2), object constancy and lack of empathy for you (#1), lack of impulse control and loose moral barometer (#3). plus she probably has plenty of practice (#4).

you don't want to hear this, but the only revenge you will ever get is to be successful and happy on your own, without her in your life. this is the only way i see to 'win', barring you don a narcissistic facade in attempts to play at her game, which inevitably you would lose.

[myself]

It's much harder to find closure/peace by adding to the drama.

Changing the patterns, ending the addiction, is the way out of this.

She's not going to help with it, you have to do it on your own.

Is interacting with her, instead of detaching, really what's best for you?

Maybe you're afraid to let go? Afraid she'll quit trying?

If you're wanting her to win you back, what happens if she does?

Another honeymoon period? More eggshells? Another discard?

If you don't want a r/s with her, why play with fire? YOU get burned.

It's often best to just lick our wounds, making sure we don't get new ones.

Please read or reread the following link, much of it applies here:

https://bpdfamily.com/content/surviving-break-when-your-partner-has-borderline-personality

Revenge-stuff isn't going to balance this out. Living a better life will.

[Pou]

True I do know a LOT about what she will do.  I feel blocking her is too drastic because it feels like there wasn't any closure.  I also want to see if this person REALLY REALLY cares (which they don't), I want to see how far theyre willing to go to get me back.  Because I for one, would take a plane and do some stuff from a movie to get her back if it ever came to that... and if she can't do the same then Im done.

And if she reaches out, Ill probably ignore her for a good few days.  And if she CONTINUES to reach out then I know she's trying.  I'll probably say, "what".  And I'll probably tell her that if she wants to apologize to meet me in person... and all I want to do is to tell her how ___ed up she is... give her 100 articles saying that she is BPD ( I really don't know how I should go about telling her I think she is BPD... but I KNOW SHE IS for a fact)... and I want to spit in her face.)

Algae, anger, sadness and depressed at times all normal.  But negative emotions will eat you up so I think if you can keep her out of your mind, out of your life and start to live your life forward without her and build a new life without her would be the best for yourself.  I don't think PDs know what they are missing or not missing.  My view is that they are in prison with their own "emotion" and all logics are dictated by how they feel.  So you think you can convince her that she is BPD, I don't think anyone can, including a psychiatrist … only until the PD is ready to seek the change, then that will happen.  Unfortunately, I think society is poisoned with the notion of "love", how that "love" can conquer everything… it is just bogus.  No matter how much you care and love about her, if she is incapable of accepting it, there is just no point.  You will end up hurting yourself more and give her a chance to hurt you more … intentionally or unintentionally.  My view is let her live the life she knows how and don't try to be her knight and shinning armor, because she doesn't play the same game.