My BPD ex do stange things

[Nicolai]

It's been 5 weeks sense my life whent down the gutter. She broke up with me after promising to work on our relationship, making me sign up for an expensive apartment, and mentally a using me. When she dumped me their was no remorse. And she kept being abusing to the point where I snapped. I hit her I arms and legs, and she ran down and police reported me. I have accepted that. I made a huge mistake, and I will take the consequences for it. Hopefully they will take it in consideration that this woman threw knives at me, and assaulted me on several occasions with scissors. But I digress. I am now alone, and have tried to fight the aftermath of this break up. Trying to still focus on my education. And sense she isolated me, I have had to work hard to make new social friends, and rekindle old friends. So that has been great. But it is stil just a act for me. I feel empty, used and worthless. I also feel that I never in four years knew my girlfriend. She has changed her identity completely. All do she is equally cold and ruthless, so their is still something I recognise with her. Anyway... She has been blocking me on every social network, and their has been a hell to deliver "forgotten" stuff she has in my apartment. While I was playing an online game on my PS3, I realised that she had joined me. Infact following me. It was so strange, but she kinda rekindled some hope for me. Like maybe I will be able to apologise for how it ended. We played togheter for a long time before she sent a message about having to go. I was suddenly hooked again. And when I realised that, I deleted her. However... I have been using this connection to inform her about stuff she has forgotten. She even wanted to meet me so we could talk this out. But then suddenly she said "I have started my life all over, I do not need this. But if you need it, I can spare a few seconds tomorrow". All do the message was a tiny bit cold, I said yes. Perhaps she will apologise, and I can stop feeling used. So I said yes. Then she cancelled on me. Saying she didn't have the time anyway. I was furious, like all the feelings I had worked on resurfaced. The worst part is that what I really wants to talk about is that I called child services, and reported her family. Sense their allready is like four different cases on them, the woman I spoke with said this could be the "nail in the coffin". But adviced me to tell my ex about it. I also did a stupid thing aswell. I kinda hacked her education-folder and deleted her classes. I hope this can be looked at as a technical mistake, and that it will be fixed if she talks to the school-administration. But if it isn't, well... Then I have infact canceled her classes. I know this is really horrible, but I don't know how to fix it. It is also my work that she having an education. I did most of her homework, and I worked harder on her exams then mine. She was constantly considering to quit, and I kept her motivated. And now she has been ruining my education, police reported me, and keeps telling everybody that I assaulted her, and she cheated on me. I am so angry at her, and I care for her. This is horrible! I am such a hothead.

[NorthLight]

When i read that she could spare you a few seconds, i thought "what!" and they you wrote "but she cancelled", and it made sense. This is how they are, its all about THEM and THEIR needs. She prove to you yet again what type of person she is. So don't rely on her, and expect things from her because you will just be disappointed.

My tip is to delete her in every way, block her in every way, it doesn't help at start, you still feel empty and depressed, but its a truma-bond here, which can only be removed if you give it space and time. Read about BPD here, similar stories, and don't do anything like logging on her pages or looking at pics of her etc, you need to get her far far away from your life.

[NorthLight]

og send PM hvis du trenger en å snake med ! 

[Infern0]

Bpd are totally unreliable when it comes to meetings etc. If she agrees to meet you she is only agreeing because she wants to at that particular moment.  If she changes her mind she just won't come. Unless you are in idealization phase. 

No point in any contact during devaluation. You will get nowhere. 

[Nicolai]

I know it is not possible to get closure from this woman. How can she show gratitude and remorse now, when she never did it while in the relationship. But I swear that if I just could hear the words "sorry for all I done, thank you for all you have given" I could walk away from this as a happy man. Thank you North Light. That's an offer I can't refuse. Now here is the deal. I feel I don't know this woman. She completely changed her identity by four days after she broke up with me. It is incredible, and extremely spooky. It feels like the person I loved is dead, and a demon has taken her body. I most admit that I have found generally females of a certain type that reminds me of my ex, well... scary. I seem to subconsciously think... "This woman has the same nose as my ex. She wi be exactly the same. Run Nick, Run!". Even if I do know it is totally unfair. Hope stuff like that passes soon. And hope the appetite returns soon, because I am loosing weight fast. At first it was great, but now people seems shocked by it!

[NorthLight]

I know it is not possible to get closure from this woman. How can she show gratitude and remorse now, when she never did it while in the relationship. But I swear that if I just could hear the words "sorry for all I done, thank you for all you have given" I could walk away from this as a happy man.

Its so unfair, because they will never give you that closure. Nobody here gets closure, it sucks, and its so unfair. And it makes it harder to move on. It doesn't really make much sense, its just a personality disorder, a very hard one to deal with, and we as normal human beings, its impossible to understand or deal with them (even shrinks have problems with handling them)