If any of you have been blocked or cut out completely by your ex, read this

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

www.guidetopsychology.com/BPD.htm

[jammo1989]

www.guidetopsychology.com/BPD.htm

[Loveofhislife]

Thanks, Jammo--eventually, I will send this link to exbfBPD: it is well balanced, kind, and solution focused. 

[jammo1989]

Thanks, Jammo--eventually, I will send this link to exbfBPD: it is well balanced, kind, and solution focused. 

Exactly my friend, they are just punishing us, we must have meant something to them otherwise they wouldnt feel the deep resentment inside of them build up towards us.  This seems to be the logical reason why they just cut and run, that link really opened my eyes to the aftermath of a BPD.

[kc sunshine]

Wow, what a fantastic article, thanks so much for sharing in Jammo. I thought that this line in particular was great:

the healing process requires that you surrender your unconscious satisfaction in being a victim and then learn to give to the world around you the very thing your parents failed to give to you: real love.

[jammo1989]

Wow, what a fantastic article, thanks so much for sharing in Jammo. I thought that this line in particular was great:

the healing process requires that you surrender your unconscious satisfaction in being a victim and then learn to give to the world around you the very thing your parents failed to give to you: real love.

Im glad you found it informative my friend, rejection is just a defence mechanism of theres, almost a survival mechanism that they impulsivley activate when they feel abandoned, that article made me understand why my ex blocked me for no reason after she dumped me and was in a relationship 2 days later.

[Springle]

Actually got a bit teary reading this

You know... .I think I do have it. I think I am a pwBPD. Because I identify very much with abandonment, fear of endings and a lot of internal rage and desire for revenge. I always say I don't hold grudges but I do, I really do, I have a real problem letting go.

I'm thinking I may ask my doctor about seeing someone for DBT.

[fred6]

Actually got a bit teary reading this

You know... .I think I do have it. I think I am a pwBPD. Because I identify very much with abandonment, fear of endings and a lot of internal rage and desire for revenge. I always say I don't hold grudges but I do, I really do, I have a real problem letting go.

I'm thinking I may ask my doctor about seeing someone for DBT.

On an off note, does anyone know what happens when 2 pwBPD get into a relationship?

[jammo1989]

Actually got a bit teary reading this

You know... .I think I do have it. I think I am a pwBPD. Because I identify very much with abandonment, fear of endings and a lot of internal rage and desire for revenge. I always say I don't hold grudges but I do, I really do, I have a real problem letting go.

I'm thinking I may ask my doctor about seeing someone for DBT.

Hey Springle may i ask you a question please? My ex BPD blocked me from all forms of communication, i understand she did this for control, and to help regulate her own emotions, almost like running for safety to her new replacement 2 days later.  She pulled me back in up and till that point, even using her kids saying that they missed me, saying she loved me and all the same push/pull behaviour.  Then she turned around smiled with the biggest grin on het face and said now you have no reason to contact me anymore, she had the biggest grin on her face ever, i even smiled and giggled and said ok take care.

How do you feel when you hold a grudge, is it final, do you regret it or think about that person, or is it more of a i just shut off and forget their existence?  I would love to have your views on this if you think may have BPD

Thank you!

[Springle]

Actually got a bit teary reading this

You know... .I think I do have it. I think I am a pwBPD. Because I identify very much with abandonment, fear of endings and a lot of internal rage and desire for revenge. I always say I don't hold grudges but I do, I really do, I have a real problem letting go.

I'm thinking I may ask my doctor about seeing someone for DBT.

Hey Springle may i ask you a question please? My ex BPD blocked me from all forms of communication, i understand she did this for control, and to help regulate her own emotions, almost like running for safety to her new replacement 2 days later.  She pulled me back in up and till that point, even using her kids saying that they missed me, saying she loved me and all the same push/pull behaviour.  Then she turned around smiled with the biggest grin on het face and said now you have no reason to contact me anymore, she had the biggest grin on her face ever, i even smiled and giggled and said ok take care.

How do you feel when you hold a grudge, is it final, do you regret it or think about that person, or is it more of a i just shut off and forget their existence?  I would love to have your views on this if you think may have BPD

Thank you!

When I hold a grudge I am deeply ashamed of it :'( I hate it but I can't help it. Even when I imagine enacting revenge it feels good but when I think about what would happen immediately after I realise it would solve nothing and just make me feel guilty. I think about them a lot though, nearly everyday, and depending on who they are and what they did, changes the way I think of them. For instance my non-ex I think about revenge but as in ruining his career or hurting his current dBPDgf or humiliating him (things that don't directly hurt him but make him feel sorry for what he did). But I also think of him A LOT as I miss him and our friendship and the guilt that everything ended so ugly because of me acting out; crazy and angry and ridiculous tactics to get him back because I was in complete denial. Where as her (his dBPDgf) I see red and injustice and want to see her in pain, the pain she caused me; I want to see her exposed for what she did. I have a VERY hard time letting go of this which is why I am here to be honest.

I don't know if it's final, but possibly, until the person redeems themself to me or shows me they are not actually that bad.

[Loveofhislife]

Springle--no doubt that DBT might be good for all of us. I continue to believe that we codependents are the opposite side of the same coin from pwBPD--I have MANY of the same feelings and same past as my exbfBPD; I have many of the same feelings as you. How do I know? Because I have empathy--because I can feel vicariously through others. I'm an empath. I developed those coping skills amidst parents who were impaired, addictive, abusive. But I do not feel better by hurting others. These things separate us nons. I do not feel superior; I have made so many mistakes and hurt others unintentionally by enabling and engulfing, because that's how I got my needs met--but I know I never have intentionally hurt another. And if I did, it would bring me even more guilt and pain.

[jammo1989]

Actually got a bit teary reading this

You know... .I think I do have it. I think I am a pwBPD. Because I identify very much with abandonment, fear of endings and a lot of internal rage and desire for revenge. I always say I don't hold grudges but I do, I really do, I have a real problem letting go.

I'm thinking I may ask my doctor about seeing someone for DBT.

Hey Springle may i ask you a question please? My ex BPD blocked me from all forms of communication, i understand she did this for control, and to help regulate her own emotions, almost like running for safety to her new replacement 2 days later.  She pulled me back in up and till that point, even using her kids saying that they missed me, saying she loved me and all the same push/pull behaviour.  Then she turned around smiled with the biggest grin on het face and said now you have no reason to contact me anymore, she had the biggest grin on her face ever, i even smiled and giggled and said ok take care.

How do you feel when you hold a grudge, is it final, do you regret it or think about that person, or is it more of a i just shut off and forget their existence?  I would love to have your views on this if you think may have BPD

Thank you!

When I hold a grudge I am deeply ashamed of it :'( I hate it but I can't help it. Even when I imagine enacting revenge it feels good but when I think about what would happen immediately after I realise it would solve nothing and just make me feel guilty. I think about them a lot though, nearly everyday, and depending on who they are and what they did, changes the way I think of them. For instance my non-ex I think about revenge but as in ruining his career or hurting his current dBPDgf or humiliating him (things that don't directly hurt him but make him feel sorry for what he did). But I also think of him A LOT as I miss him and our friendship and the guilt that everything ended so ugly because of me acting out; crazy and angry and ridiculous tactics to get him back because I was in complete denial. Where as her (his dBPDgf) I see red and injustice and want to see her in pain, the pain she caused me; I want to see her exposed for what she did. I have a VERY hard time letting go of this which is why I am here to be honest.

I don't know if it's final, but possibly, until the person redeems themself to me or shows me they are not actually that bad.

Thank so much Springle, feels so good getting my question answered from a potential sufferer, my ex faked a pregnancy in desperation, because SHE felt i was going to abandon her, she then said im keeping the baby and its my body so you dont have a say on the matter, i flipped and said im not having a baby with you! And from then on she made out i killed our baby and she was going through a traumatic abortion, basically guilt tripping me, and she wouldnt stop crying, she kept telling me i love you but when ever i hear your boice i resent you for what you did to us.  But she wasnt pregnant in the 1st place, she used it as a tactic to keep me around, when that didnt work, she needed an excuse to run away so she blamed her for an abortion that never existed.  Its all so confusing, but your right she blocked me because she wants me to hurt just like she was.

[kc sunshine]

Can you all direct me to more resources on being an empath. I'm new to the term and interested in it and its relationship to codependency. Thanks!

[Blimblam]

Can you all direct me to more resources on being an empath. I'm new to the term and interested in it and its relationship to codependency. Thanks!

You know it's funny but most of the people I have seen on fb post stuff on being an empath are people i suspect have borderline traits