Our relationship was mostly good, until her drug relapse

[Penumbra66]

In retrospect, uBPD ex gf had many of the signs of BPD,* but after a few very rough patches (jelousy, extreme neediness, self centerredness) our relationship seemed to be improving. While she could get angry easily, it was often not directly at me. I only remember two instances of out-of-control rages, including one when I forgot to add chocolate milk to her milkshake (Seriously? What the heck!). While I wouldn't say she was good natured--she was far too dramatic and demanding for that--her mood and general well being seemed to be improving. In fact, she was probably the healthiest she had been in many years, sober, and being treated by a psychiatrist for her depression and anxiety (I have no idea if she was diagnosed with BPD, but she seemed to be very knowledgeable about cluster B disorders in general, and when I accused her of having a personality disorder after the breakup, she told me she thought I would be more understanding of her behavior if that were the case).

My replacement was her instructor, married, and a drug addict. When they got together as "friends," they began using, and our relationship unravelled. While she promised her fidelity to me several times during our/their friendship/affair/break up/make up/recycling she finally abandoned me again, and they have been together since. She was only waiting until his wife left him.

After she left, she told me I was her best friend, soulmate, life-long love, best lover, but needed to be with him "for now." Very familiar to many of you I am sure.

I am wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation: improved behavior, few rages, and better mental health; followed by drugs, an affair, and the total destruction of a relationship in a matter of days/weeks.

I have read that drugs and alcohol can exacerbate the symptoms of BPD. So many of the posts here make the relationship with a pwBPD seem terrible after the idealization ends, but ours seemed mostly good until the drugs (or perhaps our idealization stage was longer than most). But after the drugs, a horrible, destructive stranger emerged.

* BPD symtoms I saw or she admitted: suicidal ideation, self harm/cutting, unstable relationships with friends/family/past lovers, anorexia/binge eating, drug/alcohol dependencies, mood swings, paranoia, severe dissociation, uncontrollable impusivity. Based on non-stop texting and phone calls, as well as wanting to do all our work together at a coffee shop, I would maybe add fear of abandonment.

[Blimblam]

I had a BPD ex that was like that.

Said the same crap. She started to date all the cocaine dealers eventually became the gf of one. She hit rock bottom went to rehab.  Got her life together has been in therapy for years yet she still can't maintain a rs and is as loony as ever just doesn't do hard drugs anymore.

[purpleavocado]

I don't have any confirmation or knowledge of my exBPD cheating on me physically (emotionally is another story), but nothing would surprise me.

However, her BS really spiked with her drug use. Prior to that, things seemed decent... a few incidents here and there, but nothing like the end. If it was an idealization stage, it lasted upwards of a year and a half of the four years we were together. I didn't realize her BPD at the time but I knew there were mental problems going on... .but I chalked them up to the drug use. Her rages were even worse on drugs... that is, when she wasn't catatonic... it was a crapshoot which version of her I'd get on any given day. Her worst instances of painting me black (to my knowledge) were when she was high.

When she got clean she just shut me out and completely ignored me. To be honest I almost preferred her high... because at least then I had something to blame it on and tell myself that when she got sober it would be better.