Question for the non guys

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Thanks for your responses and input everyone. It really helped to give me some different perspectives about the situation that occurred. Like I said, it had been bugging me for awhile. Glad I can learn from your valuable input by seeing several different views. Appreciate it!

Pingo, yes, that's exactly how I approached my ex BPDbf for the final two years of the relationship! I censored everything I said and was very careful "never" to mention my ex husband, any other exes, or any men (co-workers) again to him. Similar to you, it was awful to have to keep stories from my past to myself. It really gives true meaning/understanding to the "walking on eggshells"! AND, he "always" held that one fight/rage against me from that point forward. It would be sarcastic comments under his breath like, oh that's right you enjoy male company when running errands! Oh that's right, you can't go to the grocery store alone! It was so childish!

Like I said, he was so open in the beginning (idealization) phase when he mirrored me. He told me all about his marriage and past dating history. I thought it was the way our communication would always be, but it wasn't real. He wasn't real, just an illusion.

Thanks also for the explanations of the waif hermit and witch queen. I looked them up on the site and my ex BPDbf was definitely a Waif hermit.

[RedDove]

Thanks for your responses and input everyone. It really helped to give me some different perspectives about the situation that occurred. Like I said, it had been bugging me for awhile. Glad I can learn from your valuable input by seeing several different views. Appreciate it!

Pingo, yes, that's exactly how I approached my ex BPDbf for the final two years of the relationship! I censored everything I said and was very careful "never" to mention my ex husband, any other exes, or any men (co-workers) again to him. Similar to you, it was awful to have to keep stories from my past to myself. It really gives true meaning/understanding to the "walking on eggshells"! AND, he "always" held that one fight/rage against me from that point forward. It would be sarcastic comments under his breath like, oh that's right you enjoy male company when running errands! Oh that's right, you can't go to the grocery store alone! It was so childish!

Like I said, he was so open in the beginning (idealization) phase when he mirrored me. He told me all about his marriage and past dating history. I thought it was the way our communication would always be, but it wasn't real. He wasn't real, just an illusion.

Thanks also for the explanations of the waif hermit and witch queen. I looked them up on the site and my ex BPDbf was definitely a Waif hermit.

[Deeno02]

I dont think so in my case. She made it clear she was done. And im sad... .

[fromheeltoheal]

I dont think so in my case. She made it clear she was done. And im sad... .

I'm sorry you're sad Deeno, I've been there, and I understand.  Although never say never.  My ex made it clear she was done too, only to try and contact me again, as if nothing happened, for literally years after; such is the disorder, it's about need, and if she's got emotions she can't deal with she just may turn to you to see if an attachment is still in place and if you can still be of use.  It's up to you what you do with it.