My bp ex reached out to me after our breakup... dont know what to do?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Just yesterday I was responding to someone's message about communicating with their ex and telling them NOT TO DO IT! And now I find myself weak and missing my ex that I'm wanting to respond to their email.

Quick summary, I was with my ex for 4 crazy years. And I'm still in love with him but at the end he changed and became a cruel heartless SOB, and broke up with me. This was 2 months ago.

He emailed me tonight, Basically saying that he still loves me and misses me. He didn't say he wanted to work it out just that he hasn't let "us" go and can't "erase" me from his "life, thoughts, soul, heart". ANd that he had to left because he went through a "dark period".

He broke me.

I miss him so much. I'm crying all over again and wanting to see him, be with him again. I don't know if this is a trap for him to do the push and pull thing again.

IM so confused? Anyone else gone through this? And if so, what was the outcome?

Thank you anyone and everyone for your thoughts!

[Mermaid lover]

Just yesterday I was responding to someone's message about communicating with their ex and telling them NOT TO DO IT! And now I find myself weak and missing my ex that I'm wanting to respond to their email.

Quick summary, I was with my ex for 4 crazy years. And I'm still in love with him but at the end he changed and became a cruel heartless SOB, and broke up with me. This was 2 months ago.

He emailed me tonight, Basically saying that he still loves me and misses me. He didn't say he wanted to work it out just that he hasn't let "us" go and can't "erase" me from his "life, thoughts, soul, heart". ANd that he had to left because he went through a "dark period".

He broke me.

I miss him so much. I'm crying all over again and wanting to see him, be with him again. I don't know if this is a trap for him to do the push and pull thing again.

IM so confused? Anyone else gone through this? And if so, what was the outcome?

Thank you anyone and everyone for your thoughts!

[hope2727]

I go through it all the time. You are not alone. I have been at peace only to have the whole thing collapse like a house of cards with one text or email. 

He texted last week and for the first time I didn't feel like I had touched kryptonite. The text was BS about getting an email from me. ( I didn't send one).  I was literally walking to the staff room with my receptionist and I said "he will text me today I can just feel it." She replied "no he won't thats crazy you told me yesterday you are sure he has a new woman". I said "yes I am sure he does but he will text today I just know it". Then I picked my phone up off the staff room table and turned it face up and as I did so it "binged" and his text appeared. Receptionist was stunned and for the first time since he left me 5 long months ago I was totally calm. I put the phone down and went to fix my lunch. Usually this would prompt a flood of emotions like you are describing. This time nothing. Neutrality. A few minutes later a second text appeared saying how it was weird I reach out when he is in his darkest moments. Ummmmm I didn't reach out he did. So essentially nothing new there. No progress or recovery. Just a "poke" to see if I will respond in my usual way and rise to the occasion. For once I didn't. I finished my work day, went for a run, had dinner with friends and still 10 days or so later feel calm and centred. You will too in time.

If he reaches out to me in a significant manner with an actual text stating how he owns his harm to me and what he is going to do to repair it I might consider replying. But I am not a trained dog and I don't jump just because he whistles. Neither should you.

I have set a boundary with him that all communication must be by email until further notice. I have also let him know that I won't see him without his psychologist present. So fro me to not respond is big progress for me. You will get there too.

Be gentle with yourself. You are healing from a big emotional injury. If he reaches out with something significant you can always respond. There is no need to respond immediately. Take you time. Days, weeks whatever you need to think what is best for you. Meanwhile eat the expensive ice cream. Its advice someone gave me early on in this journey and it has helped immensely. 

[Irish rebel]

Both of the above posts resonated with me perfectly!

In the early stages you get that huge emotional pull when you hear from them... .really anything you've been trying to build collapses a little bit again... .

But as you build yourself up a bit more in the time apart by doing the right things, you do start to realize your own reactions are getting a bit less emotional, less highly charged... . 

For the record, our relationship lasted 9 years, and we're only apart now a few months. She has already moved on to another relationship, but it keeps collapsing, so of course i get the calls for help each time... .only they're not dressed up as that. You get to just know  Our link up was very intimate, affectionate, very sexed up! But also highly volatile, angry... .everything you'd expect from someone on this site.

All i can say now is do build yourself up... .! As my own doctor said, you start to make better decisions as you become less stressed and depressed... .

[Lucky One]

IM so confused? Anyone else gone through this? And if so, what was the outcome?

Thank you anyone and everyone for your thoughts!

Yes I've been through it. So, so painful and confusing. Really!

Here's my suggested solution to relieve the pain.

Read "Emotional Blackmail & Trust"

Go to search facility block above. Type in "Emotional Blackmail and Trust"

Click on first item, and then read the 7 pages.

You'll then KNOW how to handle this.

OR

Go to staying Board. Read ":)ramatic Change is Possible" by Formflier and others.

You'll then have a balanced perspective and understanding.

We all have to grapple with these issues.

So very hard and emotionally painful. Even for a man.

Terrible. But I'm learning fast! Wonderful site, this. The BEST.   

[Mermaid lover]

Wow thank you all so much. I read a lot of me and my personal situation in what each of you had shared. 'And I'm very grateful for that.

It gave me tremendous relief to know that this will get easier as I keep my boundaries and stay strong.

Ultimately, I would like to get to the point where I'm not an emotional wreck with just hearing his name escape anyones lips.

I'm still incredibly wounded and a part of me is so broken... .just shattered. But I didn't respond. And I won't respond until I feel stronger. I probably won't even want to when I reach that point.

I will definitely treat myself to that expensive icecream this weekend. Thank you for that Hope 

Thank you all so so much for your encouragement and support. God bless you all

[Lucky One]

Wow thank you all so much.

I will definitely treat myself to that expensive icecream this weekend.

So, what kind of ice cream did you have!

I'm also battling sometimes, feeling depressed. Which I think is absolutely normal under these circumstances. So why fight it! Cry if you want. We all have. It's a big relief.

So, when you're ready, do another search - ":)ealing with Depression".

They say CBT - Cognitive Behaviour Therapy is good. For depression.

"What you think, is what you feel".

It's really about thinking properly in a nutshell. I like to keep things simple.

There's a free course on this site. It's in five parts. Again - do the search thing! (CBT)

[Irish rebel]

My own ex was in touch this weekend too... .

And I have that thing now of genuinely wanting to be friends... .it feels genuine anyhow... .!

And it's like even though you know something hasn't been working, there is still so much familiarity and comfort in going back. Personally I find I'm most susceptible when low or tired etc. And it's tempting because there is plenty affection there still, sexual chemistry even... .

But there was so much craziness too... .it's really not easy... .!

[Lucky One]

My own ex was in touch this weekend too... .

But there was so much craziness too... .it's really not easy... .!

Very, Very Hard - I don't like the craziness.

We have to ask ourselves how genuine is it - the recycling.

Happens all the time!

[Unlikelytarget]

All I can say is BE CAREFUL!  I was out... .free and clear of the roller coaster and allowed myself to get sucked back in.  Read my recent post to see what happened to me!

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=234963.0

[Lucky One]

All I can say is BE CAREFUL!  I was out... .free and clear of the roller coaster and allowed myself to get sucked back in.  Read my recent post to see what happened to me!

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=234963.0

Just read your story, in detail.

So sorry that you and the kids and the wife have had to experience so much pain in your lives.

Just wanted you to know that. Learn as much as you can on this site.

I've just completed a free CBT course (Mood gym) on this site, which has help me quite a lot with my own feelings of depression and fear.

I've also just started doing a DBT self help course from the DBTselfhelp site itself. This is for people with BPD. Which I'm sorry to say we all have some traits of - everyone.

So I reckoned, it might help me to find out more about my partner , but also about myself. Mainly, why we react or respond in the way we do.

This isn't a short term thing, and could take a few months to complete. But I think it's worth it.

Wishing you only the very best. It's really in our own hands.