pwBPD and Money

[clydegriffith]

Wondering what your experiences with the BPD person was regarding money?

When i first met her she was pretending to be very well off. She bought me expensive clothes and we stayed at $2,000 night hotels. I had my suspcisions then but i was enjoying myself so i let it be. I came to find out that she did all that by opening up a bunch of credit cards in a relative's name who happened to have the same name as her.

The spending toiled down a bit when we were together and she liked to play poor, complaining about minor expenses like how much soap we used and the cost of laundry. She would then go spend $15 for a cupcake and cofee at a fancy bake shop. What the heck?

[Agent_of_Chaos]

Wondering what your experiences with the BPD person was regarding money?

When i first met her she was pretending to be very well off. She bought me expensive clothes and we stayed at $2,000 night hotels. I had my suspcisions then but i was enjoying myself so i let it be. I came to find out that she did all that by opening up a bunch of credit cards in a relative's name who happened to have the same name as her.

The spending toiled down a bit when we were together and she liked to play poor, complaining about minor expenses like how much soap we used and the cost of laundry. She would then go spend $15 for a cupcake and cofee at a fancy bake shop. What the heck?

My x had no concept of money.  When I met her she had started renting her own place that she couldn't afford.  When we starting hanging out I bought her groceries because I felt sorry for her.  Little did I know what I was getting myself into.  I always tried helping her do a budget and getting her to understand the value of a dollar.  We finally moved in together and from there things took off.  I ended up paying for numerous expenditures.  We had a system where she would pay me back each pay check but some other expenditure always came up.  A couple years down the road she was out of work for 3 months and so I was covering all of the finances.  I was going to work with holes in my shoes meanwhile she racked up a $187 phone bill by purchasing game boosters.  When I confronted her she had this empty look and said how sorry she was.  She ended up paying me back $1000 out of the $3500 she owed me but at that point, I was managing her funds.  I always allotted her spending money.  I would buy her little things or take her to eat and very rarely did she ever save these funds to treat me.  I just figured she wasn't the romantic kind.  The straw that broke the camels back was she had already spent her allotted spending money and continued to make purchases so it sent her account negative.  After all the explanations, helping her do a budget, and expressing the importance of handling your debts... .I was livid.  It was then she decided to go stay with her mom for a week.  Within that week, she decided she needed to move out of state.

She had no concept of money.  Her credit report is tarnished.  I made sure she had everything she needed, and tried to provide everything she wanted.  Thematically, it was never enough.

[Bak86]

I remember her opening up bills and her saying: "i'm not gonna pay for that!" then weeks later same bill comes with administration costs on top and she starts complaining about the added costs! Childlike behavior. She also once said she only had 30 euro's left for 2 weeks to live on. She only has to pay her rent and some other things, but she still has money left every month, i sometimes wondered what the hell she did with all her money. And her phone was registered on her mom's name. I can't prove it, but sounds like to me she probably had some money issues with her phone company in the past and her mom tries to control her costs?

I also remember her saying that i wouldn't survive in this world if i didn't have my mom and dad. I live in a house that's owned by mom and dad and they don't want me to pay them rent, even though i offered it. She's jealous of that. And i survived on a short amount of money just fine when i was a student, never buy something that i can't pay etc. I guess it's a projection from her.

[clydegriffith]

The BPDx i have to deal with also has a poor concept of money and does not understand the value of a dollar. She's been getting by on child support. She had two young kids when i first met her and was getting $1,500 a month in support from the father and she never helped out with the bills when we lived together. After our relationship ended, she lost custody of those two kids because of all the crazy behavior but the court said she was somehow still capable of taking care of my daughter, go figure. Now she gets close to $1,000 a month from me and she just had another baby with the latest victim. It's a sick game she's playing bringing innocent kids into this world to try and stabilize herself.

[Deeno02]

Im divorced so I was stuck with the debt. I do make good money and pay my debt. I told her when we first got together that even though I still have alot left over after paying bills, I perfer to apply more money to pay off my debt early. It didnt mean that we couldnt do things and such, but I was upfront and honest about it. She was a mess. Separated and then divorced, she had no career as she stayed home to raise 5 kids so she was left high and dry for a bit. So I paid for the bulk of all things we did. When she finally got her alimony and support, she would buy stuff and not cheap stuff either.

I worried about her and the kids and talked with her about it. Told not to worry about it. She had it. Her house was in foreclosure, got angry at me for mentioning it (it still is in forclosure, has been for over a year!). Told her I wanted to work even harder to pay off my debt so we could have a life together, and she was cool with it. Once she started coaching, she had a little flow of money and it started getting better for her as I encouraged her to pursue her qualifications for coaching, becoming more marketable.We talked about going away before her schedule got busy and then I got hit with a tax bill that I had to pay because of property tax raising. Cleaned me out.

I could have made payment arrangements but why should I when I had the money available. Told her we couldnt take a vacay. She wasnt to disappointed, said she understood. Flash forward to the spinning of the r/s out of control and all that stuff was brought up and used against me as she busted me apart. You never bought me anything (untrue), we never went anywhere (also untrue), you didnt take me on Vacay, and when I brought it up and said that I told you we couldnt, she snarled saying "well you alluded to it"... what the heck. So, long story short, its about them, always will be. Your problems dont matter.

[hurting300]

Mine didn't wanna work. But on those rare occasions when she did have money it was spent on junk food  and non sense. 

[Hawk Ridge]

My exBPDgf was just the opposite.  She controlled with money. She was obsessed with money.  When we first met, for someone reason, she felt compelled to show me her financial portfolio and how much money she had amassed.  We grew up together, poor and now we were both successful professionals although her job is in the financial arena and mine in human services so definitely 2 different salary ranges.  She bought me a very expensive Christmas present. She bailed her two previous partners and me out of any credit card debt yet complained constantly that her ex didn't pay her back.   I am diligent about it.  My replacement has several judgements for nonpayment of bills against her as well as a prior eviction.   I am not proud that I looked at the public court access and saw this.  I also have not told my ex because I don't feel it is my place.  Regardless, if she bails my replacement out, she will likely never get a cent back - for someone who places such import on financial matters, this will likely be a trigger, one which I choose to have no part of. Odd how she uses money as a weapon.

[Infern0]

I always thought I was bad with money,  then I met my BPD!

Her parents still pay all of her bills,  she has no idea of the value of money whatsoever.  She's addicted to buying clothes,  makeup and jewelry.  Never has any money at all.

When we were together she used to try and get me to lend her money or pity story me into buying things she really wanted. I did spend a lot of money on her.

She used to get upset though because even though I earn a decent wage I have a lot of outgoings so don't have vast disposable income,  I have to be reasonable with my money but she thought I was being miserly.  That frustrated me because I was like my parents stopped giving me money when I was 16 haha.