recycle information?

[emancipated]

I saw something that skip posted while posting on another board and it said something like 62% recycle the relationship. I don't have a lot of experience in relationships so this is confounding on a number of levels for those who have recycled how long did it take? Did they approach you? Was their a rebound partner involved? I am not certain with everything I've learned about her and her condition that I am open to being recycled but can say the discussion could take place .im well aware I should consider myself lucky and run for the hills however being that we broke up officially 4 months ago and been apart for almost 5 it would . I know she started seeing my replacement before she made it official because in one of my reconciliation attempts she said I haven't been acting in relationship with u since u moved out when I pressed for details she didnt explain ... have any of you had BPD exes who his their new relationship and did u ever find a reason why?

[Infern0]

In my case it was weird.  

Basically we were doing fantastic for the first five months we were together.  :)uring this time she always had this weird friendzoned orbiter hanging around but to be honest I never saw this guy as a threat,  he seemed so beneath her and he'd been "friends" with her for ages.

Anyway after 5 months I went away for two weeks,  first week we were in constant contact,  then second week she just stopped responding or I'd get like one text per day and she'd take hours to respond.

When I got back she started making excuses not to see me so I basically said to her to just forget it because it's not working and you won't talk about it (i hoped this would wake her up and she would stop the games)

Anyway she then came straight over and we had a great night.

The next day she was acting weird again so I just wanted to stop playing games and move on. The next thing I know she says she's now sacked up with the weird orbiter dude. (She had been with him for a couple of weeks but hid it until I triggered her into rage) I actually thought she was lying because it seemed so ludicrous but no she was telling the truth.

I tried talking to a couple of her friends who had really liked me and told me what a good guy I was and how they had never seen her so happy but none of them would give me the time of day and were just cheering her on in her new r/s with the druggie.

2 weeks of push pull and I had a nervous breakdown.

So yeah I guess I triggered her abandonment fears by going away and she latched onto whatever replacement was avaliable.

How in God's name is anyone suppose to deal with that.

[emancipated]

hello my good friend,

I had a similar experience. Her behavior got so out of control i came close to leaving several times and she was the one begging and pleading for me to stay and i did because i loved her and the kids dearly, i never wanted to leave i just wanted the abuse to stop,for me to be good enough again, Imagine for a second working all night and because of her attachment issues she would stay on the phone with me until 3 in the morning and when i tried to hang up after she falls asleep she calls back and no sooner do i start talking she is back asleep. so i get home and she is exhausted obviously so after being at work all night get back up to take her kids to school so she can sleep for another hour half hour whatever it was and then when we split said i never did anything with them and blah blah blah. there were so many times she would have failed a report at school because she didn't want to do it and i would basically write it for her until she was in a position to take over and then this old chomp looking dude comes along and he is the white knight and I'm the dragon. while begging and pleading for another chance after she convinced me everything was my fault not once taking into account everything i did do but focused on and heavily exaggerated or made up things or my favorite how i made her feel when she never told me. so trust me my brother i know what u mean what can i do about that.at least 3 times a week i would get up to take the kids to school but thats what you do for those you love. the old mans kids are all early 20's or late teens so i am wondering how much longer he will want to deal with an 11 year old an 8 year old and BPD partner. don't get me wrong the kids were great and a big reason why i stayed and absorbed so much but i have a feeling at least the boy painted me black the lil girl was my buddy so i really don't know

[Infern0]

Yeah,  mine didn't have kids but still I did everything for her.  Staying up on the phone all night with her,  being woken when she stayed over and comforting her when she had night terrors.  Writing assignments for her because she was too tired (while also having to give her attention at the same time), taking her to all her medical appointments and counselling sessions,  always planning days out and keeping her happy,  listening to whatever ridiculous drama she conjured up about falling out with her friends or whatever.  Not being able to work out properly or eat properly because the phone would go any second and she "needed" me.

Don't get me wrong there were good parts to her and I loved her and didn't mind the neediness,  but to then turn around at the end and accuse me of not being able to be there for her etc.

The worst part is the way they actually make you think you did do things wrong and you feel like a selfish ass.  And then reality kicks in and your brain implodes in a big ball of "what the hell just happened"

[emancipated]

I have to agree with u again my friend. When she started blaming me for the relationship ending she could have told me it was because I had Ebola or because or because the sky was blue and likely would have believed it and tried to reconcile feelings with her ... anything to bring her back. Should I have invited my ex to get something to eat before she left... probably not but definitely something that can be talked through ... she did have some valid points ... although the one that burned me the most was that I was immature and had no ambition.the fact of the matter is that I didn't know wat I wanted to do so in the meantime I wanted to give her every opportunity to succeed in wat she wanted to do and when the kids got a Lil older could then figure out what I wanted to do but wanted to be available during the day to take them to school pick them up if needed take them to her parents house and all of that didn't amount to a can of beans when she decided to leave me and what I struggled and fought through a nervous breakdown for to give it a go with old man river

[emancipated]

Its funny ... now I miss the kids and the family life  and dog more than i miss her