finding the balance with self-care and being available

[CommittedToMyself]

I haven't posted here before. I have a girlfriend with strong borderline traits. Prior to meeting her I had a rs with a woman who I strongly believe has npd or aspd. As a result of the devaluation and bizarre ending to that rs I joined another forum and made sense of my experience with attracting people with pds into y life.

When I first met my now girlfriend I was aware that she seemed to have some pd traits. However her behaviour was and is significantly better than my npd ex. My girlfriend now has gradually developed the ability to acknowledge when she is being devaluing, unfair, manipulative.

I struggle with the balance between defending myself against what I experience as emotional abuse (constant criticism, subtle devaluation, lack of mutuality, demands for constant attention) and being available to her periods of intense emotion. We nearly broke up after 6 months when we both said we were unhappy and things improved. Last night though we had another argument that triggered and episode of self-harm in her (punching herself and the door, a mention of suicidal intent). Often I am able to not react but sometimes I feel overwhelmed by righteous anger.

I also struggle sometimes with jealousy and feel that she might have an affair (infidelity is a red line for me). I know about a lot of the techniques here.even with them I struggle a lot at times and worry about my own mental health. Would love to hear others experiences.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[CommittedToMyself]

I would like to add that my girlfriend has made considerable strides on her own. Years ago her self-harming behaviours were a lot more serious and routine and she does acknowledge the impact her traits have on us... .etc.