Seeking advice

[Junknown]

Hello all.

So, here it is what bother me. Im a young medical student. And, at the end of this month/beginning of the next im going to have to choose what is the path i want to take.

Since before i met my ex i was thinking about being a psychiatrist. I always had a thing for mental disorders (maybe i stayed so long and got so close to her also because of this interest of me and because i tought i could save her from her problem).

The first conversation i had with her i told her i was a medical student and about my interest in psychiatry and that i might go for it in the future.

Then she started talking about her depressions, suicide attempts, etc. I heard her interested on her stories but i got scared this kind of sintomatology could be part of some worst mental disorder and could impact our future. Truth is i was right. Eventually i would suspect she was BPD (I suspected it when i gave her all my love and she said it wasnt enough, that she needed desperate acts of love, etc) and i was right when i went to check all the BPD symptoms and correlate them with her past story - She was a typical textbook example.

After this i still remained on the relationship. I really loved her and wanted to support her and try my best to help her and make our relationship work after all the relationships she had before that failed and that she accused all her exs of being horrible to her (about 8 relationships or more and most of em painted black and repainted white sometimes during relationship and again repainted black).

The relationship went on and now that im out of the FOG i see the kind of manipulation, cheating, projection, gaslighting, lies i was confronted with and that i allowed to happen. She even hit me during an horrible jealousy episode she had without a real reason. I never expected the lies and cheating (i caught some lies during the relationship but she always explained them in a way i would believe her but the cheating when i knew it was real i couldnt take it anymore... .).

So, basically, i discovered i was codependent, enabled her during our relationship, couldnt defend my boundaries with her properly and got to a point where i discovered all her lies and cheating and finally said no and left. Now im amazed i started dating a married women, with a kid, who still lived with her husband without wanting anything with him anymore and had a parallel relationship at same time with me and betrayed me and the guy on the parallel relationship with a third one. Then she end the relationship with the third one and 1 week after, goes for a new (an ex drug addict) and probably leaves him after 2 months of relationship when he relapsed into heroin.

So, this kinda scared me about being a psychiatrist. It a really crazy story... .I still find it a strong possibility but i'm unsure about what to choose. If i dont choose psychiatry ill probably go for internal medicine. But this relationship and my role on it made me unsure about my capacity to deal properly with all kind of mentally disordered person if i choose psychiatry.

My therapist says to me i shouldnt fear it, that we are dealing with my problems and that this might even be advantageous to me and that she even thinks i might have what it takes to be a good psychiatrist (was kinda surprised when she said this but didnt make me any more certain about anything).

At this moment im 400Km from home, in a new place, as i moved to near her after some time in a long distance relationship. If i go for internal medicine i can move back to near my family, friends, etc. If i choose psychiatry ill remain here and still go home at some of the weekends, i also made some friends around here altough i dont have so much intimacy as with the friends i had in my home town.

Now i need to choose the path and im uncertain. Can you give your opinion/advice and say what you think about this?

[antonio1213]

It sucks being codependent and being sucked in a BPDs world. Be glad you could leave some people never could... .yeah I was one of them. She sounds crazy.

I cant tell you what to do about a job. That seems like it should be your decision. Dont worry about the location so much mainly worry about the career and job in general. Being a psychiatrist is what my exBPDgf's dad did. He had problems himself. From what I have heard you are basically just dealing with crazy people all day. He even worked in a mental hospital. If that is something you are interested in go for it. I dont know much else about your other career option.

My advice is to not base any of your decisions off of your BPD, especially big life decisions. Like dont take a job just because it is away from her or close to her, take it because thats what you wanna do. Thats just an example. It sounds like she is a little crazy so Id say just cut her outta your life. If you become a pyschiastrist than you will probally meet people like her and much worse. Cant say how it will affect you but I can say this.

When I was in a realationship with my exBPD if I had looked at it from a neutral point of view without all the love and emotions involved I would have been able to help myself sooner and maybe even her. Dont let you being hurt by a BPD realatinship prevent you from being a pyschiastrist.

There is a therapist who was in 3 back to back BPD realationsihps. It has given him tremedous insight into the disorder and the human mind. He teaches about BPD, Codependcy and all that. I would look him up, his name is Ross Rosenburg. Him going through A BPD realationship helped him with his career. As it could with you, if that is what you choose.

[Junknown]

I guess you are right. I shouldn't base the decision merely on her. Altough she had a really important weight on my life, she is gone now.

Im just afraid of those people that could be worser than her. I was already 1 month of this year working at an hospital in the psychiatry wing, as an intern. And i saw some exemples of manipulative behaviour from some people. I even saw some dissocial personality disordered men there. And heard about a story of one  of those kind of person that abused her mother (physically and emotionally) and stole her Money to use it for drugs. Those are really tough situations and im afraid i could be vulnerable to them.

I guess its probably a matter of training also. They are there, they get experience on these situations and eventually develop ways to work them out.

The area interests me. Its true i learned a lot from my exBPDgf. At the beginning of the year, when i was doing that month in the psichiatry área i even presented a Borderline presentation to the other doctors (basically i did it to try to understand her and improve my relationship with her), of course i never told them it was because i was having a relationship with a borderline woman.

Thanks for your advice. Its good to see other people perspectives and try to analyse it as a whole.

[antonio1213]

I guess you are right. I shouldn't base the decision merely on her. Altough she had a really important weight on my life, she is gone now.

Im just afraid of those people that could be worser than her. I was already 1 month of this year working at an hospital in the psychiatry wing, as an intern. And i saw some exemples of manipulative behaviour from some people. I even saw some dissocial personality disordered men there. And heard about a story of one  of those kind of person that abused her mother (physically and emotionally) and stole her Money to use it for drugs. Those are really tough situations and im afraid i could be vulnerable to them.

I guess its probably a matter of training also. They are there, they get experience on these situations and eventually develop ways to work them out.

The area interests me. Its true i learned a lot from my exBPDgf. At the beginning of the year, when i was doing that month in the psichiatry área i even presented a Borderline presentation to the other doctors (basically i did it to try to understand her and improve my relationship with her), of course i never told them it was because i was having a relationship with a borderline woman.

Thanks for your advice. Its good to see other people perspectives and try to analyse it as a whole.

Though the disorder does terrible damage it is interesting in a way. And yeah don't ever shape your life around them, I did and fully regret it. It sounds like your relationship was more of an experiment  . Mine was like that at some points if I am being really honest.

But good luck with your decision, if you do decide to become a psychiatrist I would try to learn to not get involved emotional or attached to your clients. Good luck!

[Junknown]

I know what you mean.

To a certain point i also shaped my life for her. I switched my town, went to work on a place where i didnt knew anyone, hoping that she would eventually divorce his husband and come live with me and that we could be an happy family.

Unfortunately, altough i had realized she was a BPD i didn't know she was such a liar and cheater. I expected us to be able to be a nice couple as we got along so well! I didn't expect to be the target of her manipulative behaviour. I never tought she would do this to me... .

But deep down I always felt something was wrong. All those men after her. The attempts of one to ask me if i had something going on with her as they were dating (amazing, she maintained us both as her boyfriends but i was the public one and the other was like an affair altough he also tought he was her boyfriend... .Simply disgusting what she made to us both... .). I just supressed this feeling because i didn't want to believe and because i didn't want to trigger her (she always got mad at me when i suspected it).

I dont consider it an experiment. I would consider it as an unrealistic dream rather. I didn't experiment with our relationship. I only learned she had BPD when i was in deep love with her. I just tried to understand her and the BPD behaviour to minimize its impact on our relationship and help us get along together better. Not in a way to learn about a disease. Unfortunately i couldn't help her become healthier and it got to the point where i discovered a truth so painful i had to leave to protect myself and third ones from all this.

She was the love of my life despite what she has done but now i know it was just a dream. That with time evolved into a nightmare. Now im wide awake and i just carry on... .