Are BPDs genuine in their love when they act so emotionally abusive?

[Depression = 72% of members]

I have a uBPD sister-in-law.  She fortunately doesn't live in the same state as me, but when she comes to visit, it is very hard for me.  She has always targeted me and has what seems to be an undying hatred towards me.  I think it started when we first met, we had a lot in common and therefore she saw me as competition.  I'm pretty sure she also is NPD.  All I know is that when I am around her, I have to avoid her as much as possible, including trying to be gone from the house as much as possible when she is in town.  It's exhausting and it takes me awhile to recover from the drama she stirs up. 

Anyway, this last week, our husbands' mother passed away.  My BPD SIL had a terrible relationship with my MIL.  My MIL was an incredibly patient and forgiving person but she was abused by my BPD SIL almost as much as I was.  So it's a little offensive to me that now she is posting all over facebook about how much she loved my MIL and how much she admired her, etc.  Can that be real?  Do BPDs really have these genuine feelings of love when they abuse people so much emotionally?  She acts like she is such a wonderful, caring family member but in reality she is passive aggressive, emotionally manipulative and abusive, and has terrible relationships with all of us. 

I would like to understand the level of real emotions she feels because everything seems so forced and fake.  And actions speak louder than words IMO, and her actions basically say that she doesn't care about anyone but herself.

[BuddyBuddy]

I have a uBPD sister-in-law.  She fortunately doesn't live in the same state as me, but when she comes to visit, it is very hard for me.  She has always targeted me and has what seems to be an undying hatred towards me.  I think it started when we first met, we had a lot in common and therefore she saw me as competition.  I'm pretty sure she also is NPD.  All I know is that when I am around her, I have to avoid her as much as possible, including trying to be gone from the house as much as possible when she is in town.  It's exhausting and it takes me awhile to recover from the drama she stirs up. 

Anyway, this last week, our husbands' mother passed away.  My BPD SIL had a terrible relationship with my MIL.  My MIL was an incredibly patient and forgiving person but she was abused by my BPD SIL almost as much as I was.  So it's a little offensive to me that now she is posting all over facebook about how much she loved my MIL and how much she admired her, etc.  Can that be real?  Do BPDs really have these genuine feelings of love when they abuse people so much emotionally?  She acts like she is such a wonderful, caring family member but in reality she is passive aggressive, emotionally manipulative and abusive, and has terrible relationships with all of us. 

I would like to understand the level of real emotions she feels because everything seems so forced and fake.  And actions speak louder than words IMO, and her actions basically say that she doesn't care about anyone but herself.

[estelithil]

Is her reaction to the MIL's death a way for her to bring attention back onto herself and garner outside sympathy? My uBPD mother recently took advantge of a family friend's death to have huge emotional outbursts of grief and love out of proportion to what is apropriate (or even how I think she really feels).

[enlighten me]

One thing I have noticed about my uBPDexs is that they both have a strange obsession with tgeir mums. My exgf adoees her mum and is always seeing her or calling her. My ex wife calls her mum everyday for at least an hour. She has portrayed her mum as an evil witch but would be lost without her. She is vdry jealous of her mum and has done and said some very hurtful things to her. They do feel love and pain like us but it all gets mixed up with otger emotions.