Newly Diagnosed - Married almost 5 years

[Depression = 72% of members]

My husband (34) was recently diagnosed with BPD (I think around September?) and the little I've read so far, does explain a lot of issues we've had in our relationship.

We dated for about 2 years before we were married.  Our 5th anniversary is coming up at the end of this month.

He cheated before we were married - we went to counseling with our Pastor and felt like things could continue to work out.  We could move forward from it.  And we did - or at least I thought we had.  But then he lies a lot.  And then it will seem like everything is okay again... .and then I find another lie.  So.  Yeah.  If I were hearing this from one of my girlfriends I'd be like... GIRL.  It's time to GO.

But I love him.  And I do feel that he truly loves me.  But I'm pretty sure he doesn't love himself, and that is why he self-destructs.

A few years ago, he did get a diagnosis of PTSD, due to extreme bullying in his childhood.  But recently was given a BPD diagnosis and has started DBT therapy.  He goes once per week and is in a "12 month commitment" to continue this therapy group.  At first I felt a lot of hope for what DBT can do for him.  Lately I've felt less hopeful, and contemplating divorce more often. 

I read some testimonies of DBT graduates and how much better they are doing in their lives today, and that has helped the hope level raise back up for me.

Another reason for my swoop in hope level, is that I'm dealing with my own grief right now.  Earlier this year, I had to have a full hysterectomy (uterus & both ovaries/tubes) due to an extremely large fibroid.  Now, while I'm thankful that it wasn't cancer and that I don't have cancer... .I'm in the stages of grieving being able to have biological children. (Yes, fostering and/or adopting are all possibilities in my future.  But I was a damn cute kid and my choice to have that cute little T has been taken away.)  I always wanted kids and now I can't carry and give birth to a human. Lately I have found myself crying a lot and feeling very angry about this.  So it's hard to trust my decisions and resolve regarding my marriage because I'm not okay with myself right now either.

Hope that wasn't too long of an intro.  I'm looking forward to support and learning through this site.

Thanks!

[TLY09]

My husband (34) was recently diagnosed with BPD (I think around September?) and the little I've read so far, does explain a lot of issues we've had in our relationship.

We dated for about 2 years before we were married.  Our 5th anniversary is coming up at the end of this month.

He cheated before we were married - we went to counseling with our Pastor and felt like things could continue to work out.  We could move forward from it.  And we did - or at least I thought we had.  But then he lies a lot.  And then it will seem like everything is okay again... .and then I find another lie.  So.  Yeah.  If I were hearing this from one of my girlfriends I'd be like... GIRL.  It's time to GO.

But I love him.  And I do feel that he truly loves me.  But I'm pretty sure he doesn't love himself, and that is why he self-destructs.

A few years ago, he did get a diagnosis of PTSD, due to extreme bullying in his childhood.  But recently was given a BPD diagnosis and has started DBT therapy.  He goes once per week and is in a "12 month commitment" to continue this therapy group.  At first I felt a lot of hope for what DBT can do for him.  Lately I've felt less hopeful, and contemplating divorce more often. 

I read some testimonies of DBT graduates and how much better they are doing in their lives today, and that has helped the hope level raise back up for me.

Another reason for my swoop in hope level, is that I'm dealing with my own grief right now.  Earlier this year, I had to have a full hysterectomy (uterus & both ovaries/tubes) due to an extremely large fibroid.  Now, while I'm thankful that it wasn't cancer and that I don't have cancer... .I'm in the stages of grieving being able to have biological children. (Yes, fostering and/or adopting are all possibilities in my future.  But I was a damn cute kid and my choice to have that cute little T has been taken away.)  I always wanted kids and now I can't carry and give birth to a human. Lately I have found myself crying a lot and feeling very angry about this.  So it's hard to trust my decisions and resolve regarding my marriage because I'm not okay with myself right now either.

Hope that wasn't too long of an intro.  I'm looking forward to support and learning through this site.

Thanks!

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.