Total lack of jealousy or interest

[Depression = 72% of members]

A lot of folks have described much worse, abusive, jealous behavior from BPD exes. Mine was a perfect description of the helpless Waif and she was never "bad" to me, actively. But despite tellng me everything I wanted to hear and forcing an intense honeymoon phase early on, she never showed interest in my past relationships or marriage. Never asked, never cared, was never curious about me as a person. Never asked about my job, probably didn't even understand what I did for a living. Was totally affectionate physically, yet never paid me a compliment and when holidays came, she gave me things she wanted and I almost had to laugh.

Anyone experienced total self-absorption and neediness, followed by sudden detachment from their BPD ex? The whole thing has my head spinning.

[divinehammer]

A lot of folks have described much worse, abusive, jealous behavior from BPD exes. Mine was a perfect description of the helpless Waif and she was never "bad" to me, actively. But despite tellng me everything I wanted to hear and forcing an intense honeymoon phase early on, she never showed interest in my past relationships or marriage. Never asked, never cared, was never curious about me as a person. Never asked about my job, probably didn't even understand what I did for a living. Was totally affectionate physically, yet never paid me a compliment and when holidays came, she gave me things she wanted and I almost had to laugh.

Anyone experienced total self-absorption and neediness, followed by sudden detachment from their BPD ex? The whole thing has my head spinning.

[ShakinMyHead]

Yes, I have, but that ex was not BPD, he was APD. Devoid of personality almost. So, primitive that all that existed was only what was in front of him that moment. I have never been with a sweeter, calmer man in my life. He did not use things against me. But when I found out about what the other parts of his life were like, watch out. These people are way more dangerous as they can split way less obviously then a run of the mill BPD. argh

[RedDove]

Devinehammer, yes I could have written what you wrote word-for-word about my ex BPDbf. During the 1st year of our 4 year encounter he gave me a birthday and Christmas present. The next three years, he bought me nothing.

Totally self absorbed and needy. I believe he is also a WAIF. He showed no interest in my life. Just like you said, didn't want to know about my marriage, divorce or past. Never overtly showed any concern or jealousy. However, his punishment of choice was always the silent treatment. He was very passive/aggressive. Likely didn't know, or understand, nor care to know what I did for a career, just that I traveled a lot.

He recently broke NC which was initiated by me back in July. He's attempting idealization with the I miss you's, I love you's, and I adored everything about you texts. But, he couldn't be bothered to take responsibility for the lies and cheating with a simple "I'm sorry". Nor did he inquire how I am. I was laid off from my job 2 weeks after I ended it with him. He knew I was getting laid off. I'm still out of work! It's all about them. He's the most selfish, self absorbed person I've ever met in my life. My family and friends would describe me as one of the kindest, caring people they've ever known.

[vortex of confusion]

Absolutely no jealousy here. He was so NOT jealous that he wanted me to sleep with other men and tell him about it.

We have been married for 16.5 years and I think I can count on one hand the number of gifts that I have gotten. Early on, he would occasionally make an effort. When he does get me gifts, it is like he has no clue who I even am. Why would a guy get a girl jewelry when I have said repeatedly that I don't care for jewelry.

Oh, mine will ask about my day or even past stuff but it is really just a way to open the door to talking about himself. Trying to resolve conflicts or communicate is pointless because he will say everything I want to hear yet never follow through. If I bring it up, he forgot about it or just didn't think about it. Or, it is part of HIS sex addiction. Makes absolutely no sense how he can be such a jerk yet make himself out to be the victim of his addiction without any kind of regard for what his behavior has done to me.