Wow. Didn´t think it would affect me. It´s still powerful.

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Wow. I thought I was cured... .and then she came to the same party I went. And I really felt really detached in the party. I felt like she no longer got me caught on her tactics. I felt bored talking to her, I could identify her bs, her way of trying to be in control, of catching the attention of people, in order to manipulate and be in control. I spent most of the party with another girl, whom I was in to.

But her eyes, her body, her body language, her fragile and sweet voice, are so powerful to me. And that night I dreamt with her. We were holding hands, and so secure, intimate and bonded. And the days after I´ve been thinking about how this whole story was so movie-like, so epic, so profound. To me. To her, it´s something that happened and that she tries not to think about because it hurts her. And that makes me feel lonely and abandoned. Invalidated.

This thing is really powerful. I´m ok, recovering. The shock and the damage is weaker each time this comes to mind. Maybe this is the last one. I just needed to vent and to reach out to you all, here.

Thanks, and I wish all of you strength and faith. We are not alone, and what we went through wasn´t a dream or a fantasy. It was real, it´s them who deny it and pretend it wasn´t.

[whatathing]

Wow. I thought I was cured... .and then she came to the same party I went. And I really felt really detached in the party. I felt like she no longer got me caught on her tactics. I felt bored talking to her, I could identify her bs, her way of trying to be in control, of catching the attention of people, in order to manipulate and be in control. I spent most of the party with another girl, whom I was in to.

But her eyes, her body, her body language, her fragile and sweet voice, are so powerful to me. And that night I dreamt with her. We were holding hands, and so secure, intimate and bonded. And the days after I´ve been thinking about how this whole story was so movie-like, so epic, so profound. To me. To her, it´s something that happened and that she tries not to think about because it hurts her. And that makes me feel lonely and abandoned. Invalidated.

This thing is really powerful. I´m ok, recovering. The shock and the damage is weaker each time this comes to mind. Maybe this is the last one. I just needed to vent and to reach out to you all, here.

Thanks, and I wish all of you strength and faith. We are not alone, and what we went through wasn´t a dream or a fantasy. It was real, it´s them who deny it and pretend it wasn´t.

[Chasing_Ghosts]

Thanks, and I wish all of you strength and faith. We are not alone, and what we went through wasn´t a dream or a fantasy. It was real, it´s them who deny it and pretend it wasn´t.

I really appreciate you posting this as it makes me think of things in a perspective i never really thought. Ive been in the boat that it was all just a fantasy. Looking at it from this point of view helps to restructure my mind to accept and validate my experience more than the latter.

Im glad to hear you stayed strong at the party and for the most part handled it better than i wouldve as i have a panic attack just being in the radius near her work for example. I hope i can get where youre at if i ever do have to run into her and i respect your strength.

And lastly i want to say that you feeling that way is completely normal. You encountered her and this triggered a delayed response to the bond that was formed. Dreams especially get you because its like idealization all over again when theyre picture perfect like the one you had. Ive been struggling with this alot myself lately. I think its our psyches way of resolving unresolved emotions since we get no closure. Maybe as you said this is the last time and it was your minds way of saying goodbye. And i hope for you this is the case as i know youve suffered greatly through all of this. 

[Nala88]

Hi whatathing

I can completely sympathise with you. It is so logical that seeing her affects you on a deeper unconscious level and you had the opportunity at the party to see her for who she really is. The fog had lifted, you were no longer trapped and under her messy spell. On an unconscious level though all those memories of how amazingly beautiful it used to be came to your mind hence the dream.

From here it will only continue to get better under the condition that you focus on the here and  now... Whenever you catch yourself thinking of how it was redirect your attention and it gets easier and easier. For me it kind of helps to humiliate him a bit in my mind if that makes sense. Seeing all the things he did as ridiculous, childish, psycho, etc etc.

[whatathing]

Thanks, Chasing_Ghosts and Nala88. Such wise and true words from both of you! It helps. This forum is a great resource, because of people like you. I also see in your words wisdom which probably came from a lot of pain. I also can sympathise with you both. Thank you and all the best to you.

[whatathing]

Thanks, and I wish all of you strength and faith. We are not alone, and what we went through wasn´t a dream or a fantasy. It was real, it´s them who deny it and pretend it wasn´t.

I really appreciate you posting this as it makes me think of things in a perspective i never really thought. Ive been in the boat that it was all just a fantasy. Looking at it from this point of view helps to restructure my mind to accept and validate my experience more than the latter.

Chasing_Ghosts: this isn´t consensual here in the forum. I know there are parts of them that aren´t well defined, their identities are fragmented, dissociated, or repressed, undeveloped, and that maybe we weren´t dealing with their true selves the whole time. But I also believe that we were dealing with their true selves many of the time, and that we can trace the real them in many of the interactions with us. At least, I think mine had many true parts, it wasn´t only mirroring, and that her affect towards me had some consistency, along with the craziness and child-trapped immature attachment. In "healthy" love there is also some idealization, mirroring, and fusional elements, it´s just more mature and organized. Besides that, I think it´s really important to cherish our own experience as true, real and meaningful. This came from my therapist, who was wise enough to acknowledge the way in which I was invalidating myself by demeanishing this experience or the meaning it had to me. And she worked with me to validating it, welcoming it, and own it, regardless of my ex´s perspectives about it. It was mine, true and meaningful. Don´t lose it, too